People Like Me Don't Deserve Happy Endings
by Anaica
Summary: OC character, Bernadette is a bounty hunter in the Enchanted Forest, pain and loss seem to follow her wherever she goes. Is it possible for her to open up to anyone? Eventually she meets up with the Huntsman, Captain Hook and everyone else for one reason or another. Rated T for violence and Hook being himself when he shows up. Please read and review, thanks!
1. Words that stayed with me forever

Ten years have passed, but not a day goes by that I don't think about it. I can't forget push it to the back dark spaces of my mind, no matter how hard I try.

The day began normal, bright and so full of promise. But it would to be the sun that lit up my village it would not be the children's laughter that would echo in my ears. That fateful day would haunt my nightmares for the rest of my days.

I woke up early, I had plans to pick some special flowers for Mother, it was her birthday and I wanted to show her how much she meant to me. That's how I thought when I was seven.

The sun had barely risen when I left our home. My bow slung over my shoulder along with my full quiver. Father had taught me how to hunt last winter and now the weapons had become simply an extension of myself.

Daisies, tulips pansies, daffodils, petunias and lilies, that's all I had seen in the fields surrounding my village. But those were not the flowers I sought, no, I couldn't be simple, I had to make everything difficult.

I was searching for an orchid, one that was blue. Legend said it was painted by the water goddess herself and held magic powers. Magic never interested me, but legends fascinated me to no end. Stories that had been passed down from generation to generation, and somehow an element always was lost or changed. So behind every legend held a grain of truth.

I wandered off, much further than I ever had. But if that's what it took to get what I wanted, so be it. A little danger never hurt anyone, or at least, if they knew what they were doing.

How long I searched, I don't know, besides there sun was quite high in the sky when I finally took a break. I sat on the grass and took off my weapons. I looked around my surroundings. Tall trees set in small clusters. What was I looking for, a lake? Was there a lake in sight?

I closed my eyes and wished, because at the age of seven, that's what I did.

Then I felt a soft mist of water hit my face. I opened my eyes to see the area in front of me transformed and there was a lake. It had to be, right?

I stood up and tentatively walked forward. The lake was breathtaking, crystal clear and something out of a dream. Only a few feet from the shore was the blue orchid. Honestly, there it was, as if waiting for me. Getting it seemed easy enough, but legends are never what they seems, they were always much darker.

I carefully waded into the water, it was shallow enough. I tried to not disturb too much water, afraid I might awaken something below the surface. My mind began to imagine what could be down there, mermaids, sunken treasures, large creatures. But I had to stay focus and alert.

I got to the orchid, and pulled up. How could a flower put up a fight? But it did and I pulled harder. It came up, along with a hand. Honestly that did terrify me so much I let go and fell into the water. Then someone grabbed my ankle and pulled me under.

Defenseless, all I could do was fight back with my body. It was so dark, I couldn't see a thing, much less what wouldn't let go of me.

I am seven years old, I wasn't supposed to die yet, there were still so many things I wanted to do.

Before I lost touch with the world, whatever had held me let go and I frantically swam back to the light.

Finally back on land, all I could do was cough up the water in my lungs. Why was I let go? Did someone or something just save my life? I searched around for any sign of movement. But there was none. But there was my orchid, just lying on the forest floor, perfect and beautiful.

Mother would be so proud and pleased of me when I present it to her. Picking myself up and pulling my weapons on my back, I headed back home, holding my precious flower close.

My trip home was much shorter than to the lake. My parents were at the fish tent, buying dinner for tonight. My father was holding my little brother while my mother worked her magic on the fish merchant. She had a way of always getting her way. It was something I always admired about her and wished for the same skill one day.

She turned to see me, soaking wet and opened her mouth to scold me. That's when the world began moving at a snail's pace and all noise stopped.

My mother's eyes turned to terror and I turned around to see six horsemen riding through the village, right towards me. Their weapons were raised and hacked anything in their way. I stood rooted in place when I should have been drawing my weapon or better yet, running.

My mother reached me, picked me up, and ran behind my father to our house. There was finally sound noise, screams of both the living and the almost dying, of things being broken beyond repair, of peace and security being shattered.

They reached the house, my brother was handed off to my mother as my father picked up his long bow and a quiver.

"Get inside, whatever happens, do not open the door!" He pushed us inside, but I grabbed his hand.

"I can help, I can shoot." I yelled, finally finding my voice. But what could a seven year old do?

"No!" He shouted. "Get inside; protect your mother and brother!"

He slammed the door shut. I drew my bow and pulled arrow back, no one besides my father was getting through that door. Behind me, my brother began to cry, as scared as everyone else.

I can't begin to describe the sounds I hear, even to this day, I can't explain what I heard. But I couldn't allow myself to let my fear get the best of me; I had a job to do.

Before long, the door opened and my father was thrown in, a knife deeply embedded in his stomach. I shot one arrow out the door, it was the only thing I could do. The door shut again, smoke began to creep under the door.

Were they burning us alive? I locked eyes with my mother, who simply pulled me into her arms and began to whisper in my ear.

"I love you so much, Bernadette, your father loves you so much. I need you to be a big girl and live."

I could only stare at her, was she telling me to run, to get away while they died? What was happening?

"You have so much more to accomplish, you play such a bigger role. You can change the world. You are capable and brave and very loved." She led me to a window that was level with the ground at the back of our house. She picked up and pushed me out the window. "I can't leave your father or brother, but you can live and survive out there."

"I can't leave you!" I finally said something.

"Sometime you have to sacrifice those you love in order to have a better life." Those words stayed with me forever.

She handed me a dagger and hugged me tight before giving me a last push out the window and into complete chaos.

Fires, people running, screaming, dying before my eyes. There were more than six men on horseback now and even more on the ground. It seemed the only thing on their mind was to destroy everything in sight. And they were accomplishing that too well.

All I could do was run and avoid being killed. Would whatever had saved me at the lake save me again? Or was I saved so I could be killed here? Or was I on my own?

Then I fell over a body and tried not to scream to alert someone to my whereabouts. But it did reinforce the fact I was alone and had to rely on myself.

Before I was able to get up, my ankle was grabbed hard. I looked down to see some much older man holding tight.

"Just where do you think you're going?" He asked, in a tone that only terrified me more. I guess instinct kicked in and my other foot shot out and made contact with his face, most likely breaking his nose. Then the dagger came out and went in so deep into his arm that the blade broke.

He let go and I crawled away. I ran, nothing else mattered. I just needed to get away and live. Was it a cowardly move? Was it the wrong choice? Did I have a choice?

I reached the edge of the village; I realized I was heading in the same direction I had left this morning. But I was not the same child who left to find a flower; I was big girl who had lost everything. I fell to my knees and rested my head in my hands. I just had to think.

Did I have a bigger part to play, could I change the world? Could I do something with my life?

Suddenly I heard a small noise from the bushes, I quickly drew my bow, ready to shoot. But to my surprise, a small girl stepped out of the bushes, I had seen her around the village but wasn't sure about her name.

"Hello there, I'm not going to hurt you. Do you know me? I live in the same village as you. What's your name? Are you hurt?" My last question was stupid, of course she was hurt.

She stared at me before bringing her arm up, there was a deep gash the whole length. But that wasn't what worried me, it was the blood steeping through the front of her dress.

"Come here, can I see your cut? Please?" She took a hesitate step forward before falling over. I caught her and gently placed her on the ground. All I could do was attempt to stop the bleeding, I had no other skills beyond that.

She began to fade in and out of conscience all day and into the night. And there was nothing I could do. She died the next morning, I gave her a proper burial, as proper as I could at least.

Where did this leave me, an orphan with limited learning and hunting skills?


	2. Pouring survivor's guilt into healing

I do not own Once Upon a Time, just the character of Bernadette. The first half of this chapter is narrative to get filled in on the aftermath of the attack on her. Now enters Marian, who later becomes Maid Marian and the Huntsman. I gave him a name to make him more personable. There will be relationship building with these two characters in coming chapters. The second half is told from Bernadette's point of view.

After two days in the woods, Bernadette is found by a local farmer named Charles. She was a little girl with messy red hair, starving, alone, terrified, her hands wrapped around a bow, arrows ready to shoot. He takes her to his family which consists of his wife Eleanor, sons Richard and John and daughter Julia.

Bernadette was quickly healed up, her physical scars at least. Within a month, she was out with his children, leaning to tend the land. But she always carried a knife with her and jumped at every sound. It wasn't that she was fearful; she just did not wish to be caught off guard and always felt the need to protect herself.

For the next year, she led a normal existence, as long as she kept her nightmares in check. The child grew up, hardly ever speaking of the events that befell her family. She did eventually grow close to her adopted family, even going as far as to call them her real family. But in the heart, she felt that was a betrayal to her birth parents and brother. So she showed the world a happy smiling face while her soul and heart were torn between a real family and a family long gone.

When she realized she had no knack for farming, she quickly discovered her talent in healing, as shown by her quick understanding of the patients' aliments that Eleanor treated on a normal day. It then opened a whole new world for her; she quickly took to it, pouring all of her survivor's guilt into leaning how to save lives.

Besides that skill, the most important lesson Bernadette learned was to keep her head down and not draw attention to herself. Sadly she had become a shell of her former self.

The only person who could bring out a smile or laugh in her was Marion, the girl Bernadette considered her best friend, apart from Julia. The three would usually be found outside Marian's family home. Marion would be showing Julia a new stitch she learned while Bernadette would be cutting a plant to get to the useful parts or cutting cloths into bandages. Both Marian and Julia knew they were excepted to be proper young ladies and learn skills that would be beneficial to a happy family and home life. But Bernadette did not had those thoughts on her mind and she did not ever except to.

Julia was heavily interested with Bernadette, How could one so young overcome such tragedy? But the answer to that question was simple; Bernadette did not dwell on the past, though it regularly haunted her nightmares.

Charles and Eleanor were quick to address their concerns that Bernadette might one day seek revenge. But luckily, the girl never felt the need for it. She knew the past wasn't going to change, that she couldn't bring anyone back. So she kept all her feelings to herself.

My life has been a whirlwind, it was only a day or two before someone found me, cold, alone and almost starving. I was still in fight mode, an arrow always notched in the bow. At least they were a nice family, a father, a mother and three children, two boys and a girl. They took me as another child and tried to understand what I had been through. But they had no way they could. They still had their family, all of them. It was months before I stopped jumping at every sound.

They taught me to read and write and then develop a skill I could use later as a way to make a living. The only thing I could think of was healing. Being able to save someone's life, in the old fashion way. No magic for me, it was beyond my contemplation. It wasn't about power, just something that I could do and not fail at and lose people.

It was months before I trusted myself enough not to ask questions, to get to the point I could do simple things on my own. My knowledge of plants was growing daily as did by about the herbs.

I almost felt like this was my normal family, my real home, my real life. Almost, they cared enough but I knew they couldn't fill the void. The only thing that bothered me about them was their crazy incessant need to turn me into a proper lady.

It wasn't that I was against the thought; I just didn't think I was capable of it. "Proper young ladies don't carry weapons." They told me. Proper ladies didn't lose their family and have to fight to survive. That was just me.

At least I convinced them to let me carry a dagger when I went herb hunting. How else was I going to cut the right parts of the plant? They caved in. So I must have gotten my mother's skill, the one where I got everything I wanted when I asked for it.

It was late in the afternoon, I was purposely staying out late to avoid a sewing lesson or some other stupid lesson that was pointless to me.

I had just started cutting up some tree bark when I heard a rustle of leaves in the clearing. My mind went immediately into panic mode and I turned the blade outwards. I really wished I had my bow with me.

Out of the clearing came a giant wolf, giant even as I was only ten years old. As unnerving as it was, the eyes terrified me. One was blood red while the other was pitch black.

My first thought was to run, but it would chase me. I doubt I could out run it on foot. It just stood there, staring at me. My fear slowly began to subside and I pulled a piece of meat out of my bag and held it out to it.

To my surprise, it came right up to me and gently took it out of my hand. Then it nuzzled up to my leg. Pretty sure stranger things had happened in my life, but this was far up on my list.

There was another sound and this time a young boy entered the clearing. He saw me with the wolf and just started confused.

"He doesn't usually take well to strangers." He remarked.

"Do strangers feed him?" I asked.

"No, they usually try to kill him. What's your name?"

"Bernadette, what' yours?"

"Derek. Where's your family?"

"Dead, three years ago." I was getting better about saying that out loud.

"Mine too." He remarked without a hint of sadness.

"Where are you living? I was adopted. "

"The wolves raised me, I live alone. What are you doing in the forest?"

"Gathering herbs, I'm learning to be a healer."

"That sounds helpful. They trust you in the forest alone?"

"I can handle myself, I had to protect myself when our village was slaughtered, and I barely got out alive."

How old are you? I'm twelve."

"Ten."

"Can you defend yourself again?"

"I can do whatever it takes."

"Do you want to learn how to hunt?"

"Can you teach me? The family I'm living with, they want me to be a lady, but I know I am capable of so much more."

"Meet me here tomorrow and we can see how much you know already and what you still need to learn." He turned to go, the wolf followed.

"Will you bring him back?" I asked.

"We travel together, where I go, he goes."

Derek became my friend, teacher and sure enough my hunting partner. He had become the older brother I never had.


	3. Smittened

I own nothing. Now there is interaction to build the relationships and show off the small circle of friends. So far they are still quite carefree but Bernadette is slightly showing off her dangerous side.

Years pass Bernadette grew up, changing herself into a happy always smiling young woman. But she kept her protective violent side in the forest where she regularly hunted with Derek, they hunted solely for food, for both her human family and his nonhuman family. He quickly taught her everything he knew and in return she showed him how to perfect his methods if need be.

Her skill with both a bow and a dagger grew so did she skill as a healer. She began as simply handing items to Eleanor during an operation which slowly turned into Bernadette fixing a broken arm all by herself. This installed pride and purpose in her, something her life had been lacking.

One night after a long day in the field and the forest respectively, Julia and Bernadette found themselves walking home, arm in arm.

"Bernadette, I really can't thank you enough for the extra money that bear brought in. There would have been no way my parents could have afforded the dowry." Julia had been gushing about the idea of marrying the sweetest man in town for three months, ever since Robert had asked for her hand. Money had been tight with a poor harvest and not many patients for Eleanor. Bernadette had simply done what she could do.

"You're my sister, you deserve the best, I would do anything for you." Bernadette replied.

"Do you think you would ever get married to Derek?" Julia finally voiced the question that had been on her mind for years.

Bernadette stopped in her tracks, a bit taken back. "I don't think of Derek like that. He's my hunting partner, I consider him my brother, like I do Richard and John."

"I saw the way he was looking at you last week." Julia had a knowing smile on her face.

"You mean when I had to stitch his arm up after he fell out of a tree and on to something? I had him drugged up very well. I doubt he even knew what he was doing."

"People tend to be more truthful when they are drugged up." Julia said, helpfully.

"Maybe, but no, I doubt I would ever marry Derek."

"Would you marry, if you found true love?"

"Who knows? I'm not looking…" Her words were cut short when someone bumped into her. Bernadette almost fell, letting go of Julia's arm. But she did not hit the ground, strong arms caught her.

"I am terribly sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going. Are you alright?" A youthful voice met her ears and she turned her eyes to see who caught her. He was… for lack of a better word, handsome in a sweet looking way. Green eyes rested very gently on her and she actually blushed.

"It's my fault, are you alright? I can stitch you up." What just came out of her mouth?

"A bit forward, are we?" He didn't say in the tone she would have expected.

"I'm a healer by profession." She had to save herself somehow. Julia just stood next to her, eyes going from her friend to the stranger, enjoying the banter a little too much.

"Of course you are. Next time I get hurt, I'll seek you out." He took a step back and walked in the opposite direction. Bernadette could only stare.

"I think Derek is going to be jealous." Julia linked her arm through Bernadette's. "Now come on, Marian is waiting for us at the inn." Bernadette allowed herself to be lead off and into the inn at the far end of the street. "It's a wonder my father lets us come here."

"It's the safest one and he trusts us. Look, Marian's over there." Bernadette finally spoke.

"It's about time; you showed up, I have been waiting forever. Why do you have a far off look in your eye?" Marian asked when Julia and Bernadette sat down.

"Someone ran into her, someone very handsome." Julia informed her.

"Handsome, did you get his name? Derek is going to be very jealous." Marian giggled.

"Again why does Derek come up? No, I did not get his name." Bernadette said sadly.

"And why is Derek going to be jealous?" Derek came up to the table with four mugs of ale, placing them all down for the women.

"Bernadette met someone and now she is smittened." Julia repeated the story again.

"As long as she is smittened and he with her, I am happy for her. But, Bernadette, if you get uncomfortable, I take care of him for you."

"And this is why your father lets us come here, Derek has our backs. Thank you for the offer but I can take care of myself." Bernadette said.

"Of course, I know that. I am going to stay here a while, the Sheriff is in a mood now and it's not safe for you three."

All three women gave a shudder. "I don't like how he looks at me, or anyone else." Julia said.

"I made a delivery to him today, actually had to pull my knife out on him. Now sure he believed me that I would use it." Bernadette stated.

A silence fell over the table. Marian finally broke it.

"I saw Robin around town."

"Stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, as honorable as that is, I don't want to see something bad happen to him." Derek commented.

"I don't want anything happening to us, we hunt on royal land." Bernadette lowered her voice.

"We will be fine, I made sure of it. There is more than enough game, they won't notice anything missing." Derek answered.

Next chapter, we learn the handsome stranger's name and Bernadette might open her heart.


	4. You really believe that?

I do not own OUAT.

It was weeks before Bernadette saw him again, not that she was looking, that hard. She was walking home with a string of quails over her shoulder when he approached her.

"So, a healer and a hunter? You must be a woman of many talents." He greeted her.

"Those are enough for me."

"I was wondering if you could stitch something up for me."

"Of course, can you pay?"

"I can think of some form of payment." And again, his tone did not match his words and she liked it.

"I bet you could. Now what needs fixing?"

"My heart, it's been stolen by the most beautiful woman I have ever met."

"I'm not sure she wants to give it back, but that's just my opinion."

"I would have given it to her willingly had she asked."

"Would you? That's interesting."

"What's interesting?" Derek came up behind her.

"Why are you always sneaking up on me?" Bernadette asked.

"I'm not, you just aren't paying attentions. I'm Derek, Bernadette's brother." Derek held out his hand.

"Benjamin." The other man shook Derek's hand. "So I learn your name through your brother."

"That's how we work." She smiled brightly.

"Good brothers always look out for their sisters, especially ones that are this beautiful." Benjamin stated.

"I approved, have fun." Derek squeezed Bernadette's arm before leaving them.

"I would have asked your name even if Derek hadn't interrupted."

"Of course you would have. Now about my heart…"

"I'm going to keep it for a while." She answered.

"Be careful with it, please."

"I'm always careful."

"Benjamin!" A little voice broke through the crowd and a little girl came running towards him. When she reached Benjamin, he picked her up.

"Bernadette, I would like you to meet my niece, Samantha. Say hello."

The girl just stared wide eyed then whispered. "I'm not supposed to talk to strangers."

"Samantha, strangers are simply are friends you haven't met yet. And I am right here."

"Hello Samantha, it's nice to meet you." Bernadette took the first step.

"Hello." The little girl answered.

"See, you're such a good girl, now give me a kiss and run back to your parents." She planted a kiss on his cheek before he let her down. "She's a good kid, my brother got lucky with her."

"Part of me wasn't sure who you were talking to, I was going to ask." Bernadette had a burst of confidence.

"Ask next time, you might like the answer. I will be seeing you around." He actually took her hands into his and placed a gentle kiss on them. Bernadette did not stop the smile from crossing her face. She had never felt this happy in years.

They met on the edge of the forest every day, Benjamin was impressed with her haul, no matter what it was. They slowly learned everything about each other.

Benjamin was the middle child, he had an older brother and sister then two younger brothers. Samantha was his only niece and the ray of sunshine in the family's life. His father was a farmer and it as expected that one same he would take his father's place in the field.

When his questions turned to her life, she pulled back, unsure on what to say.

"What's wrong, you have an amazing family, your parents are wonderful and your siblings love you and Derek is a great person." He said.

"That's the thing, they aren't my real family. I'm an orphan. I lost my family when I was seven." She let out the truth quietly.

"What happened? If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. But it's in the past, and you have to believe you have a bright future ahead of you." He pulled her close, finally acting as bold as his words had been.

"I have a bright future? You really believe that?" She titled her face up to meet his. And Bernadette got her first kiss, something she would never forget.

Everything about Benjamin was gentle, and it was perfect. Her happiness from her relationship spilled into all other aspects of her life. Her hunting skills were more spot on, her friendships with her family and her friends blossomed. She had become a happier person for it; something she did not believe was possible. Bernadette began to think that the worst times of her life were far behind her, and she was not looking back.


	5. Don't let it go

I do not own Once Upon a Time, things are starting to fall into place and she is going to start falling.

Pretty soon, Benjamin became a part of their little group that met up the tavern weekly. Bernadette sat close and rested her head on his shoulder as Julia or Derek told stories about their days or watched Marian stare at Robin across the room. It was a harmony in her life she only could have dreamt of years before.

One night their joking and merry making was cut short by an unwanted guest at their table. The Sheriff of Nottingham took up the sixth seat, eyeing Marian with lust.

"I suggest you go back to your own table. She is not interested in you at all." Derek said softly.

"What are you going to do about it, wolf boy?" The Sheriff asked. "You going to offer someone else? Any of you ladies interested in this?" He asked Bernadette and Julia. Only Bernadette met his eyes.

"Can you beat me in a knife throwing contest?" She asked.

"Are you challenging me?"

"I believe I am. Scared to take me up on it?"

"Never. What are the terms?"

"I win and we never see you again." Bernadette stated.

"And if or rather when I win, I get you." He lowered his voice.

"Deal." Bernadette said, she saw Benjamin rise from his seat to argue. "I got this, don't worry."

She followed him to another end of the tavern, all the patrons seemed to know they was going to be free entrainment and turned in their direction. Bernadette was handed three knives.

"Best two out of three. May the best man win." He leered at her before casually throwing all knives at the wall. Two made it to the circle painted, the last one was slightly outside the circle. He had cheering from the people in the tavern.

Bernadette shrugged her shoulders, unfazed at all. She didn't even look at him before throwing each knife, one at a time. Each sailed smoothly to the center of the circle. A satisfied smile slid over her face as she turned back to the Sheriff.

"I believe I won't be seeing you again." She walked past him and back to her table, back to her friends.

"That was slightly scary, but still amazing." Benjamin said, placing a kiss on her forehead. "I was only slightly worried."

"I taught her that, years ago. She can take care of herself." Derek puffed his chest out, very proud of himself.

Before she could say anything in response, a knife came into the table. Julia and Marian let out a scream. Bernadette looked up and saw a young woman standing over her.

"I wanted to congratulate you on your win. Your skill is admirable. Can you do it again I wonder?"

"Are you asking for a demonstration? I didn't catch your name?"

"Jacqueline, or better yet just Jack. And you are Bernadette. Only if you want to show off some more skill, I would love to see it."

"That's nice for you, but I don't feel like showing off again. Maybe another time."

"Too bad." Jack walked away, and a knife flew past her ear and into the wall. She turned back to see Bernadette looking at her. Jack only nodded and pulled the knife out before walking out.

"Bernadette, why do you keep making rivals?" Julia asked.

"It's not my fault, things just happen."

'Here I am again, losing people I care about.' Bernadette thought to herself as she kept a fake smile on her face. It was a few months ago that Charles and Eleanor decided to pick up their sons and move to the other side of the kingdom. Julia had already married Robert months before her parents' decision. Bernadette had watched in hope during the simple ceremony. She also kept catching Benjamin's eye, who just smiled at her.

So Julia was already out of the house. It already felt empty and almost eerily silent. The harvest had not been good, too little rain had ruined more than half the crop and there had been talk in the town about much better farming land. And they were desperate enough to believe it.

But Bernadette believed in hope, but she said nothing. Actually she was speechless when Charles had offered her the house. They knew she wasn't coming with them. She had been making a life for herself, bringing in decent money with her hunting and also her healing skills. Eleanor had taught her everything she knew, there was nothing more to learn. And more importantly, Bernadette had Benjamin.

"Take care of yourself. I know you are in very capable hands, your own." Charles said, pulling her into a tight hug. Bernadette returned it, finally realizing he had become her father figure. She blinked back tears and smiled. Eleanor was next, another tight hug. She owed them everything and so much more.

"Thank you so much." She whispered.

"You will be fine, everything will be fine. You found happiness, now don't let it go." Eleanor told her.

The two boys, or rather young men, came at her at once, crushing her in a hug. "Loosen up, I can't breathe!" She shouted, laughing, they were always making her laugh.

"We won't forget you, come visit us some time, you hear?" Richard said.

"Of course she would visit; we have to get Benjamin on our side to get her to come." John added.

"Come on boys, we have a long road ahead of us." Charles called, already on the very full wagon.

Richard and John got on the wagon, and the whole family waved as it started on its way. Bernadette waved back and walked to the house, her house now.

Silence filled the house, silence always set her on edge. She would have to do something about that, now. She grabbed her bow and quiver and went off to the forest. Bernadette was now on her own, well not completely, she still had Benjamin and Derek. But she went home to an empty house every night.

Here Bernadette was, at the age of twenty three winters, alone in the forest as a way to forget and maybe dull the mental pain. Maybe she would start to figure out a tonic or something to help her forget everything. Yes that was her goal.

Her first shot got her a rabbit and her second nearly missed turkey. Satisfied, she gathered her kill and heard a loud noise up in the tree above her. She quickly notched her bow and shot up, fully expecting a large cat or bird to fall to her feet.

But to her horror, a man fell hard from the tree. There was one arrow in his chest, lodged very deep. She dropped to her knees, and placed her knife to his nose, no breath. What had she just done? It was self-defense, or was it just an accident? She really didn't know.

Her ears picked up the sound of horses and panic rose in her. Could she explain herself? Or could she run for it? Just as her life was starting to look up.

Bernadette stood up as five armed royal soldiers rode up. Of course they had to be royal soldiers, she thought.

They stopped and one jumped off to go right up to the dead man. He also checked for breath, which there was none.

"He's dead." He called up to another soldier. He turned to Bernadette. "Good job, you have a decent shot."

"Excuse me?" She asked, very confused.

"He was a convicted murderer and we have been tracking him for days." The head solider said and threw her a small money bag at her. "For your trouble."

The body was dragged away, the soldier on the ground spoke to her. "If you can shoot like that normally, this might be the job for you. You wouldn't have to kill them, but bringing them in is good enough." He left with the rest of the soldiers.

Bernadette just stood there, holding the bag in her hand, it was much heavier than she had thought. She opened the bag and was shocked to see more money in it than ever in her whole life.

Was this a new calling for her? She had tracking skills and was capable of so much more. That couldn't be ignored of course. Maybe she would try her hand at it and see where she ended up. Bernadette knew she could back out at any time, couldn't she?


	6. I trust you, just not her

I do not own Once Upon a Time

"Derek, are you listening to me, I can do this!" Bernadette couldn't remember the last time they had argued.

"I think it's dangerous job; you really don't know what it could mean for you." Derek was very calm even after she mapped her plan out to him.

"It's simple, and just escaped convicts and people who didn't pay their taxes. I can handle them."

"And if not, what they hurt you or worst? What would Benjamin say?"

"My knife can do the action for me. And I haven't said anything to Benjamin yet." She lowered her voice, knowing that Derek understood her skill.

"I'm not saying your skill is not enough, I am just saying that this might be a bad idea."

"Are we bringing in enough money to support ourselves? With our hunting and my healing? We have to pay our own taxes and at this point I don't know how we can make ends meet?" Bernadette almost yelled.

Their front door opened and Benjamin looked in. "Am I interrupting something important?" He asked from the doorway.

"No, but Bernadette has something to tell you." Derek sat down to watch the scene unfold.

Benjamin turned to Bernadette, who looked quite uncomfortable. But she started to talk anyways. "I was offered a job, something on a different path… And I am really considering it…"

"What kind of job?" Benjamin asked, worry and concern in his voice.

"No, no, nothing like that. It would be bringing in escaped criminals and getting taxes from people who haven't paid. Things like that."

Benjamin thought for a moment. "So, technically like a bounty hunter?"

"I guess so, if you look at it like that."

"How did this eve come up?"

"I accidently killed an escaped convict yesterday…" She began to say.

"How can you accidently kill someone?" Benjamin finally let his anger into his voice. His sweet calm nature was barely hanging on now.

"I thought it was a large cat or bird. It turned out to be man. And I got this…" She emptied out the money bag on to the table. She was silent as she let Benjamin and Derek take in the amount of coins. "Now tell me this can't be a good thing."

"What do you want me to say, Bernadette?" Benjamin asked quietly.

"That you support me and will stand beside me. That is all I want, from both of you." Her brown eyes moved from Benjamin to Derek.

"I can do that, just be careful. When you feel it's too much or you are in over your head, you can back out. Just know that." Benjamin said, pulling her into a tight hug.

She returned the hug. "I love you so much." Bernadette said.

"I got your back, no matter what." Derek said, placing a hand on her shoulder. She turned to him.

"I know. I'm going to find Robin tomorrow. Maybe he can teach me a few more things."

The next six months flew by in a blink of an eye for Bernadette. She spent her time as wisely as she could, spilt between hunting with Derek, healing and tracking down who ever face showed up on the wanted posters. Her free time was spent with Benjamin, who kept quiet about his feelings about her tracking. As much as she was overworked, she enjoyed the reward. It was a job for lack of a better work. It paid the rent and they never went hungry that was the main thing.

The only thing was the lack of respect Bernadette now got. For so long she had been the little orphan girl that everyone had to be nice to. Then she was looked down on for her skill, it wasn't lady's world to be in the wood, with weapons. And now it was even worst, it was almost fear in people's eyes when she was near.

Another problem was some girl who had set her eyes very hard on Benjamin. Bernadette learned from Marian everything she needed to know. The girl's name was Ana and she lived in another village. And more importantly, she was very well off, not royalty, but close enough.

She noticed something was wrong when Ana was standing too close to Benjamin, admiring his face. Bernadette never considered herself a jealous person, but that happened and something inside of her changed.

It wasn't anger exactly, but she knew she had to defend and protect what she cared about. But she had to be nice about it.

Bernadette met up with Ana on market day. Her stall had both meat and herbs for healing. Ana approached it and spent a few minutes looking at every item before asking a question.

"Do you have something to make someone love you?" Ana looked hopeful.

Bernadette forced herself to keep a sweet face. "No, I'm sorry. I just deal with physical ailments." Then I could beat you and then fix you up. She thought in her head. Where had that come from?

"Pity, you know how much money you could make then? But I hear you make enough hunting people down for crimes they didn't commit."

"The people that, as you so nicely put it, hunt down are dangerous people that deserve the fate that they had run from. Basically I'm keeping people like you safe."

"People like me? What are you saying?" She leaned forward.

"I am saying that people like you who would never pick up a weapon, who would never defend herself or those she loves. Someone who needs protection at all times."

Benjamin then walked up to the stall and placed an arm around Bernadette's waist. "Do you need help with anything?"

Bernadette turned and placed a soft kiss on his lips. "No, I have it covered. Thank you though."

"I need help carrying things to my carriage. I might have gotten carried away with my shopping today." Ana cut in.

"Of course, I'll help." Benjamin said right away, already heading around the stall.

Bernadette had to stop herself from grabbing him. His helpful nature was sometimes too much to handle. He was too understanding, not that she always against it, he was putting up with her right now. But this might be going too far.

She carefully watched him until he returned to the stall. "I don't like her."

"She's harmless. You don't have to worry, I love you."

"But I do worry. I trust you, just not her."

"Do not put a hit on her, she's harmless." His voice had started to take on a harder edge recently.

"I won't, I promise." Bernadette promised and she meant it. She never broke a promise, ever.

It was weeks before Bernadette saw Ana again, she stayed away mostly because Bernadette shot death glances her way.

One day, an older man came up to her stall.

"I have a job for you." He was right to the point. "I need someone dead."

When had she exactly become a hit man? Did she need the money? Business had actually slowed down, a lot recently. It was fear she thought that kept people away, but she had assumed that if people needed something bad enough, they would come to her regardless. Luck wasn't working that well for her.

"Give me the details." Bernadette found herself asking.

"I try to make a good future for my daughter but she refuses to marry the man I picked for her. She wants to marry some man far behind her status. I need him out of the picture."

"What's the price?"

"Fifty gold pieces." He didn't bat an eyelash.

"I'll take it as money is not object for you?"

"Not for the happiness of my daughter. One day when you have children, you will understand."

"I'll do it." And she hoped she wasn't going down the dark path that Benjamin had feared.


	7. What do you know of loss?

I do not own Once Upon a Time. This chapter is in first person and our pirate finally shows up.

The next day, Bernadette woke up very early, dressed quietly and kissed Benjamin before heading out the door. She grabbed her bow and quiver and quickly walked into the forest. The father was meeting her, promising to help in what way he could. But the killing, the fatal shot was all her. They met in a clearing, and didn't say anything, they didn't need to.

The sun was high in the sky; I was cool under the shade of both the bushes and trees. Not long after I had positioned myself there, the father singled that the man he wanted dead was coming. I notched the arrow, ready to take one fatal shot. All I had to do was picture it was an animal and not a human being. Do that and this was an easy sack of gold, which meant food. But fate had a sense of humor or just wanted to be ironic and cruel.

The man slowly and quietly entered the clearing and before I was able to let go of the arrow, his hood fell and he turned in my direction. It was Benjamin.

My heart leaped into my throat. This was Ana's father? Could it be true? I knew Ana followed Benjamin like a love sick puppy, but to go as to refuse the man her father chose for her? Did she not know her place in life? And for her father to hire someone, me of all people, to kill him was beyond my understanding.

"Do it! Kill him!" I was urged on in my ear by the father, who had moved closer to me. Apparently, I had frozen, stopped breathing even. What choice did I have? This is was the job I had chosen for myself, had I ever considered what it might entail? I had to choose between two hearts.

And I choose his. I let go of the arrow, along with my hope, dreams and faith in love. It sailed straight but to my horror, it didn't land where I had intended. Benjamin was hit in the stomach, he fell to his knees, hands pressed to his bleeding stomach.

"You missed, go finish the job and I will pay you."

I ran down to him, my face set as stone. I refused to let anyone see me cry, or express any emotion. I was done with it forever.

When I got to him, I fell to my knees and cradled him in my arms. He seemed to brighten up when he saw me. There was so much blood everywhere.

"Bernadette, I'm in so much pain. I love you so much. Make the pain go away." He was able to say to me quietly. And all I was able to say was "I'm sorry." His eyes widened in confusion. I quickly slipped my dagger out of my belt and stabbed him in the heart. His breath stopped and his body went limp in my arms. But he continued to stare at me. What could I do besides close his eyes? It wouldn't erase the fact I killed him or that I turned into a murderer.

I pulled myself away from his body and stood up; it was only to put distance between us. My breathing was barely coming out and I felt lightheaded. But I had to pull myself together, for my sake.

The father came down and examined the body to make sure I did the deed. "He is dead. For your troubles." He dropped a coin purse near my feet. "There is less than we discussed because you missed first."

Then the scream came, Ana came into the clearing. She saw Benjamin on the ground and ran to him.

"No, don't be dead!" Don't be! I love you! I want a future with you!" Then she turned to me, her eyes had a tint of red to them. She was overcome with grief and a twisted sense of revenge. "I hate you! I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

Empty promises, I knew. I had already begun to disappear into the shadows. The coin purse was in my hand, even though I was unsure what to do with it. Ana had begun to scream and cry to her father, who should have taken all the blame for coming up with the plan and simply having me carrying it out.

I sought refuge in the nearest tavern. It was somewhere I could disappear into the shadows. No drinks for me though, I didn't want to spend blood money to forget my deed.

Deep in thought and staring at nothing, someone sat down next to me, thinking I must be an easy target.

"No woman as beautiful as you should be sitting here alone." His voice was silky and he sounded like he always got exactly what he wanted. When I didn't answer or turn, he continued. "Where are my manners? Name's Killian Jones, Captain Killian Jones."

"That's nice for you." I finally said, still not turning to him.

"Can I offer you a drink or some company perhaps?"

Fed up, I grabbed a dagger out of my sleeve and pinned his sleeve to the table. "Not the kind of girl you want." Now I finally turned to him, I had to admit, he wasn't too hard on the eyes.

"You seem handy with that dagger." He observed, his blue eyes rested on me.

"Among other things. Now I'm in a killing mood and I don't have enough for cleanup. I suggest you go back to your table." I pulled the dagger out and returned it to my sleeve.

"You look like you lost something important." He commented. It must have been something in my eyes that led him on.

"What do you know of loss?" I asked, meeting his eyes.

He stood up but learned in close to whisper to me. "More than you think, lass." His hand moved up to push a piece of hair out of my face, only it wasn't hand, it was a hook. We locked eyes for another moment before he returned to his table.

My own silence closed over me and rested my head in my hands. What had I done? Why had I done it? Was it really a choice between love and what I wanted from life? Why couldn't I, or anyone, have both?

A full drink was placed in front of me. Killian again, no doubt. Turning my eyes up, I was met with a face I welcomed at the moment.

"Not many women can say no to Killian Jones." Derek observed, sitting down next to me.

"I'm not like most women, not after what I did." I took the drink and took a long gulp.

"What did you do?" He asked.

"I killed someone and got paid for it." I answered, placing the mug down.

"There's a first time for everything. It's all in our line of work."

"I killed Benjamin."

He said nothing and placed his hand on my back. He saw me lose something that day, but never spoke of it. Silence fell between us and that's all I needed and wanted.


	8. Have I ever failed to deliver?

I do not own Once Upon a Time. Thank you for all the likes and followers.

Bernadette made it home, eventually that night. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do or feel. She was just empty and alone, maybe she deserved it.

This wasn't an accidental death, like the first one. She was fully aware of what she did, just wasn't aware beforehand, she had been caught over guard. Maybe she wasn't fully aware of the consequences of her actions.

The truth of the matter was she killed the love of her life, she was alone again and this time it was all her fault. Finally she threw herself on the bed and cried herself to sleep.

Bernadette woke in the middle of the night, still reeling in horror from a nightmare.

"Benjamin." She whispered and moved her arm to the empty space in the bed. She bolted up in bed, frantically looking around the dark room for something that wasn't there. It wasn't a dream, Benjamin was gone, dead because of her. And a fresh wave of tears came over her.

Bernadette heard footsteps and quickly wiped her tears away. There was no way anyone was going to see her like this. Someone bumped into the edge of the bed and she looked up, it was the wolf.

"I doubt you want to be anywhere near me, I kill people." She said, it only placed its head on her lap and stared up. "Fine, you can stay."

"What about me? Can I stay?" Derek stood in the doorway. Bernadette only stared, fully expecting a lecture or at least a 'I told you so'. But there was nothing.

"There's no turning back now, is there?" She asked, fully knowing the answer.

"No." He answered simply.

Now it was pure fear in people's eyes wherever Bernadette went. She had become a murderer, a full-fledged hired killer. She couldn't face Benjamin's family and avoided them for months after before stopping her visits to market stopped completely. She sent Derek in her place for the meat and her healing skills were not sought out as much. So being a bounty hunter became her full time job.

As did her interest in concocting a vial or something to make her forget. Something to give her some peace when the memoires got too strong.

She started hanging out with more dangerous and powerful folk. And the amount of weapons she carried with her went up. They gave her simple jobs, getting taxes out of people, getting rid of poachers. Nothing that required much skill, just someone to do the job. She learned quickly that the more power someone had, the least likely they were to get their own hands dirty. Which is where she came in.

One job in particular got her attention, one that involved fairy dust. She heard it was the most powerful magic in the land, capable of almost anything. Maybe that was her way to peace.

The job was easy enough, sneak into a fairy mine that was guarded by dwarves to steal a sack with enough dust to sell on the black market. And of course, she kept a cut of the dust, though she never said why. It was none of their business.

The fairy mine was huge or huge enough for people who were shorter than her. It was controlled by dwarves mostly. It was their job to mine the diamonds, which was crushed into dust. The dust then would be picked up by a fairy weekly. After that, Bernadette wasn't sure where it went. So her plan was to get the magic either in diamond or dust form.

Her usual plan for sneaking into a place was to walk in like you own the place. Confidence never set off the wrong impression. But here, it was different, she couldn't pass as a dwarf and less as a fairy. So it was sneaking around corners and behind mining carts. She was careful to step lightly as not to leave a footprint to be traced back.

Bernadette found an unattended cart filled with diamonds and quickly shoved a few handfuls into her sack. They were tiny, but worth so much. These would go to market, while a portion of the sack of the dust would stay with her. No point in having to crush the diamonds herself when she didn't need to.

One full sack should be good for market today; the merchant hadn't given an exact amount this time. But no matter how much she brought, the price was decent, and if it wasn't she always said she had another buyer with a better price.

Bernadette pulls the strings of the sack closed and looked around for dwarves that blocker her exit. There were none, she thought she had pretty good luck today, as opposed to her rest of her life.

She quickly and quietly exited the mine and calmly walked in the direction of a town that took her all day to reach. As usual, she met no one's eye or speak to anyone, not that anyone wanted to look at her or talk to her. She headed right to a certain stall that sold pottery, but that was just the front, in the back it was a whole different world.

The merchant saw her coming and handed the customer he was dealing with to his assistant. All he had to do was tilt his head to the back room of his tent and she followed.

"Did you get it?" He asked, standing by the cloth, making sure no one was close enough to hear.

"Have I ever failed to deliver?" She asked, slightly offended. She took the sack out from under her jacket. Was she not capable and trustworthy? Well, trustworthy was debatable.

He greedily took it from her and placed it on a scale. "This much more than I expected you to grab. Impressive." He picked a smaller sack of coins and handed it to her.

Bernadette held it in her hand, mentally weighing it, something was wrong. "I think you are missing some gold pieces in here."

"No, that is the amount we spoke about." He didn't look up, too busy dividing the fairy dust into smaller piles. He paused when a dagger was pressed against his neck.

"Check it again." Bernadette said quietly. Instead of doing as she said, he pulled a smaller pouch from his pocket and handed it to her.

Bernadette took it and put the dagger away. "Pleasure doing business with you. Next time you need me, you know where to find me." She left the tent.

Later that night, Bernadette found herself sitting at the table, with about a dozen candles, leaned over her cuttings. There were plants and herbs all over the table. She was trying to make something that could give her the one thing she wanted.

Peace, was that too much to ask?

She combined her ingredients with water; it fizzed up and was a weird color. Maybe it was supposed to be like this?

Bernadette shrugged her shoulders and knocked back to head to drink the whole vial in one shot. As least she made it to bed before losing conscience.


	9. You sound like you want to make a deal

I do not own the Once Upon a Time characters, just Bernadette and this plot line. She gets to meet a very interesting person in this chapter. Thanks for all the followers!

Bernadette stood on a cliff, overlooking the ocean, or what she assumed was the ocean. She had been landlocked all her life. A cool breeze blew over her, it was salty.

Strong arms encircled her and she looked up into the smiling Benjamin.

"Benjamin…" She started to say before he crushed his lips to hers, silencing her. All of her pent up emotions was poured into her kiss. Her fears, her guilt, her fears. And she held on for dear life, which was the right thing to do.

His hands were tight around her waist and he slowly began to walk towards the edge of the cliff. Bernadette only realized this when her feet left solid ground.

She pulled back, scared. "What are you doing?" She screamed.

"If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me!" He said before taking the final step off the cliff.

All she could do was scream as they both fell to their certain deaths. Together, maybe this was the way it was supposed to be, going down together.

Just as they were about to hit the ground, Bernadette bolted up, in her own bed. She was screaming and in cold sweat. Whatever she had put in the tonic did not work, she had to take primrose off the list. It only made the nightmares worst.

She didn't know if Derek was home or if she even woke him. Anyhow, she wanted to be alone. Bernadette knew she was not going to get back to sleep tonight. So she just sat with her head in her hands and waited for morning.

Bernadette hadn't had a good night's sleep in months. But somehow she got her jobs done and wasn't dead. Injured, was a different story.

First she was skinning a rabbit and she nearly took off her pinky. It was only quick sewing skills that let her keep all five fingers on her right hand.

Then there was the large gash on her thigh from her latest fairy adventure. Stupid tree branch came out of nowhere, sending her tumbling down a hill.

She had to limp home and started to clean it when Derek entered the room and stopped her.

"You have to stop attempting to kill yourself." He said as he wrapped the bandage around her.

"As long as no one knows, who cares?"

"You haven't really slept, have you?"

"Not since…"

"You haven't had a good night's sleep in almost a year? Are you mad? You need to fix this. You need to do something about this now!" He actually yelled.

"I don't know what to do! I have tried everything I know of!"

"Go to him then!"

Silence, Derek meant the Dark One.

"I am not at that point. I will not make a deal with him. No one trusts him." She stated.

"Then find a way or make a way." Derek finally lowered his voice. "I'm sorry, I'm just worried about you."

"I know you care and I appreciate it."

This scene runs into a fairy raid. She stops at a stream for a moment's rest.

Bernadette stopped at the nearest stream and dropped her sack. She fell to her knees and cupped her hands to bring water to her mouth. She was worn out, the dwarves and fairies usually didn't put up a fight. She guessed they caught on to their shortage.

Bernadette finally caught her breath fully and composed herself. Time to bring the fairy dust to market. She hoped she would get a good price for it. She turned to her sack only to find it gone.

She quickly stood up, grabbing her dagger and looking around. Did someone seriously just steal from her? What were they thinking?

"Lose something, dearie?" Came a high pitch giggle.

Annoyed, Bernadette turned around to see a strange man with golden skin and weird eyes. She had a pretty good guess at who he was.

"That's not yours." She motioned to the sack in his hand.

"Technically, it's not yours either." He answered back.

"Why waste breath on a technicality? Give it back."

"How about no?"

"Suit yourself." She threw the dagger at him. Only he disappeared and the dagger hit a tree behind where the man had been.

"Do you have any idea who I am, dearie?" The man was now behind her.

"They call you the Dark One, the one that can never turn down a deal and everything comes with a price."

"You seem to know a lot, I'm impressed."

"Don't think that changes anything." She shrugged her shoulders.

"How are you dealing with your nightmares? Do you need help forgetting all the horrible things in your past?" He asked.

She raised he eye brow, how did he know? "Thank you for your concern, but it's nothing I can't handle."

"The circles under your eyes say otherwise, dearie." He commented.

"You sound like you want to make a deal."

"Am I?" He giggled.

"It's implied and it's strange because the way I heard the stories, people come to you with a deal in mind, not usually the other way around."

"Don't think you are so special, dearie. I was merely extending a helping hand to a desperate soul."

Bernadette laughed. "I am not a desperate soul. I don't need your help, not now, that ever."

"Mark my words, dearie, when the person you care about the most is threatened, you will come running to me." He stepped a bit closer, to have his words make more of an impact.

Derek, Derek was the only one she truly cared about. But nothing could ever happen to him, he was Derek, powerful and always strong. Bernadette stood her ground. "I don't go running to anyone. And I hate to say it, but the person I care about the most can take care of himself."

"Just keep telling yourself that." He shoved the sack hard into her arms, making her lose her balance. She looked up to find he was gone. Stupid Dark One, thinking he knew everything. Thinking she needed help, his help of all people. The only people who accepted his so called help were ones who couldn't solve their own problems.

Bernadette had her share of problems, but she was dealing with them the only way she knew how. She had her fairy dust and she was getting closer to stopping the dreams all together.

She continued to sit there, pondering. Maybe the Dark One knew something, something that no one else knew. What could he possibly want from her? Did he have a plan, was everything he ever did no part of giant plan? It was crazy to think, it was assumed that everything was for himself, to make himself more powerful or just to keep his power. But what if there was something more? She would have to look into this, keep an ear open for information about the people who made deals with him and what he asked for in return.

Bernadette finally stood up, gathered her sack and headed to the village, hoping she would come across interesting whispers.


	10. Girl's got to make a living

_I do not own Once Upon a Time, just Bernadette and this story line. Thank you so much for the followers and likes!_

The newest potion combination sat on the stool next to the bed; it was her last hope, blue bell extract and fairy dust. Bernadette quickly downed it and sat on the bed waiting for sleep. For the first time in years, it came gently and she rested her head on the pillow, a smile spread over her face.

Bernadette was standing in the middle of a busy market day; all the familiar scents and sounds gently overcame her. She was home.

"There you are. No, don't turn around, I have something for you." A warm voice touched her ears. Benjamin, in much happier times. A cold chain was placed around her neck, a small bronze disc was hanging off of it. She smiled and held it between her fingers.

"It's beautiful." She said, turning to face him.

"Not as beautiful as the woman wearing it." He placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

She woke up with her fingers pressed to her lips and her other fingers wrapped around the disc. Bernadette had never taken it off, but she kept it under her shirt, never wanted to anyone to see she still cared.

Bernadette got dressed and headed out the door, it was fairy dust gathering day, it had become a weekly adventure for her.

Her life was finally looking up, she was sleeping again and her jobs had little to no difficulty. Bernadette let the smallest of smiles cross her lips. The blue bells were working perfectly, as she hoped they would have.

As she grabbed a sack full of fairy dust, someone grabbed her shoulder and turned her around. "Hey! You're a girl…?"

"Glad you noticed. Now if you would be so kind as to unhand me." She said to the dwarf, inciting the hand on her shoulder.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Working." And her fist made contact with his face.

Bernadette fled quickly just as she left the mine, she was hit with something and suddenly she couldn't move. She cursed under her breath and saw a small fairy dressed in blue flying in front of her face.

"Bernadette, stealing from us again?" She asked.

"Girl's got to make a living somehow." Bernadette answered with a smile.

"There are other ways besides stealing. You have healing skills, focus on that."

"I'm not that girl anymore, I can't go back." She said quietly.

"If you stop dwelling on the past, you can do anything."

"Stop acting like you know me. You know my name, not my story. You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through. If you were in my shoes, you'd fall at the first step!"

"There is no reason to raise your voice." The fairy said.

"There is every reason. I have a job to do and you are holding me back…" Why was she pouring out her heart to someone who didn't care?"

"We don't tolerant stealing here."

"I'll vouch for her." Came a new voice in the forest. Marian walked into the clearing and towards Bernadette.

"Marian, what are doing?" She asked under her breath.

"Saving your life." She whispered back angrily. "I'll vouch for her; she will not steal from you again. You have my word."

"Lady Marian, we will hold you to that." At that, Bernadette was released and the sack disappeared. "I hope we meet in a happier situation." The fairy went back into the mine.

Before Bernadette was able to open her mouth, Marian grabbed her arm and pulled her into the forest, away from the mine.

"A thank you shouldn't be too hard." She growled.

"You vouch for me, what kind of power do you have?"

"I have the tiniest trance of fairy blood. You are lucky I was nearby. You could have been in so much more trouble that even the Dark One wouldn't be able to save you."

"You don't need to bring him into this also."

"Bernadette, you have to promise me that you will not steal from the fairies anymore…"

"I can't do that, it's my job. It's how I make a living. Do you know how much fairy dust goes for on the black market? More than you think?"

Do you not realize you are on a very dangerous road, I don't want something happening to you."

"You and Derek both. Marian, as much as I would love to go back to the girl I was almost three years ago, before I murdered Benjamin, I can't. I have done too many horrible things to even consider there is hope for me." She started walking further into the woods.

"Where are you going?"

She didn't turn around, but she did stop. "I have to go tell the merchant that I will not have a supply of fairy dust anymore. You know what this means? That I will just have to bring people in and ruin lives. So, thank you for that."

Did Bernadette stay out of the fairy mines, of course not. There was no way she could pass up the opportunity for easy money. While bringing in bandits and getting rent out of people paid the taxes, a piece of her soul seemed to disappear each time. Plus there was the fact that fairy dust was the most important piece in her tonic.

She went on for another year like this, stealing, cheating, ruining people's lives. Was this all she was good for? The people who had cared for her were gone or had stepped back from her life. Bernadette had only visited her adopted family a few times, but after Benjamin was killed, she couldn't face them. She did wonder if they had heard the rumors about her, about the horrible things she had done. What must they think of her and what she had become?

Her cliental went up, nobles asked for her by name now. Jobs were now discussed over dinner, which meant her wardrobe got fancier. Comfortable and practical clothing was replaced by dresses that showed off her best features. Bernadette still kept the same color scheme, greens, browns, blues and the occasionally purple. But what did not change was the weapon she carried on her. A dagger was hung on her belt at all times. Her red hair fell to the middle of her back when it wasn't pulled up and her brown eyes always looked like they hid a secret.

The usual job was collecting the taxes the noble thought were much needed. But Bernadette knew better, missing one month of taxes from certain families wouldn't change their lives. She understood why Robin did the things he did now. There still was the occasional fight she got into. But she handed it, as she always did.

Bernadette snuck into the castle, all castles seemed the same layout. Once you see one castle, you see them all.

She had to remind herself that it was Prince James himself hired her, not King George. What could he need her for, it had only been three years since this job fell into her lap and she still wasn't perfect at second guessing yet. But she would not admit to it.

She wound her way around the halls, avoiding the guards. She turned a corner and someone grabbed her arm, pulling her behind a pillar.

"As much as you sneak around, you still look lost." The man stated.

"Well, my usual plan of walking into a place like I own it didn't exactly work today. Prince James, I assume?" She asked.

"You look like you belong here, and you're very smart. You're Bernadette. My chambers is right down the hall, we can discuss business in there. Shall we?" He offered her his arm and she took it.

They walked down the hall, turned a few corners before entering a large chamber. Bernadette had to catch her breath, it was dream and well beyond her reach. It was fully furnished and filled with every luxury a person could want.

James took back his arm and went to the small table. Bernadette smoothed out her dress, image was everything. She noticed him staring at her as he filled two glasses.

"Like what you see?" She asked.

"Impressive, one would never know you were a bounty hunter. Now do you like what you see?"

"It is remarkable." She accepted the glass from him. "What are we drinking to? She asked.

"New alliances, I think that is fitting."

Bernadette ignored the uneasy feeling growing in her gut and gently placed her hand on her dagger. What happened, she would handle it.

"Now about the mission you needed me for. Kingdom running out of money, outlaws on the road, poachers in the royal forests?" She named off the obvious issues.

"Actually, I had something a bit more personal in mind." James closed the short distance between them fast, almost breathing the same air

"Personal?" She asked.

He didn't answer, he just pushed a stray piece of hair out of her face and then grabbed the back of her neck to pull her in for a very rough kiss.

Bernadette's first instinct was to bring her fist hard into his face to get him away. He was hit hard and stumbled backwards. James caught her wrist before she was able to grab her dagger.

"Is that all you came with, one dagger?" He said looking at it.

"I don't need it to take care of you." She growled.

"Really, you seem very sure of that." He pushed her backward and pinned her against the wall.

"You think that can you just hire me out for nothing but a good time? Or that I would stand for that? I thought I was here to work." She tried to stay calm and keep her voice low. Her leg shot out and kicked him in the knees.

"It's only work if you make it work. And if you don't want to stand, that's fine with me." James said through gritted teeth before grabbing her knife. Bernadette saw a sword on the table, she ran to it an turned around to find he had one also.

"Let's see how your sword skills are, shall we?" James said through gritted teeth. He came at her, weapon held high. It made quick contact with her forehead. She took a step back, he was a prince who was trained with a sword since birth, and she was skilled in every weapon besides a sword, just her luck. "You are too tense, you need to loosen up. I can help with that if you want." That made her blood boil. And she defended herself the only way she knew how, slicing at his chest. A thin line of blood appeared on his shirt. "You…" He took a hold of the sword, flipping her over on to her back. Her hand found her dagger lying on the floor and used the hilt to knock him off of her.

James was laying on the floor, Bernadette finally stood up. She looked down at him, her foot rested on his chest and the sword gently touched his throat.

"Do you have any idea how much trouble you would be in if you killed me? I'm the prince?" He was able to say.

"You weren't acting very princely." She answered, nudging the sword into his throat more.

"I may be a prince, but I am a man also."

Her foot pushed heavier on his chest and leaned forward. "And men can be broken."

Suddenly, the door opened and Bernadette guessed that it was King George; no one else besides royalty dressed that gaudily on purpose.

"Am I interrupting anything?" Then he got a good look at Bernadette and turned to James. "Are you trying to sleep with her, of all women? How stupid could you be? She has skills that one day we might need and she would have every right to turn us done because of your stupid actions. Her skills go further than the bedroom."

Bernadette dropped the sword and grabbed her dagger back from his hand. George had a point. She had just never heard someone talk about her like that. It had slightly decreased her urge to kill. She stormed out of the room and the castle, trying to ignore the blood near her eye.

She rode home quickly and reached home in the dark, she noticed one candle in the window, Derek was home. She did not want him to see her in this state. She paced back and forth to calm herself. Her much needed alone time was cut short when the wolf found her. It must have known how she was feeling because it simply touched its nose to her hand.

"Alright I'll go in." She told it. She entered the house, Derek was across the room, restringing a bow. He got one look at her and more or less exploded on at her.

"What happened to you? Who did this? I am going to make him wish he was never born!"

"If you can calm down, I can tell you what happened." Bernadette said calmly.

"He drew blood, Bernadette! Who hired you?"

"Prince James."

"Why? What could he possibly want with you…?" He looked at her and the expression on her face said everything. "That worthless low son of a…"

"Derek, I took care of him."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Let me see that cut, sit." He told her as he went to grab supplies.

Bernadette sat on the table. "Just clean it, I'll stitch it up myself."

"Are you sure?" He was already pouring alcohol on a cloth and heading back to her. "You want to stich it up? This might sting."

"Yes, just give me a good mirror…" Her words were cut by a loud scream. The wolf went to hide in the other room. "That son of a …" She whispered.

"What did he get you with?"

"Sword."

"Are you sure you took care of him?" Derek asked seriously.

"Yes, if I ever saw him again, it would be a different story, but I am not going to look for him, so that is out of the question."

"Are you sure about this life?" He asked quietly, finally voicing the question that had been on his mind for years.

"Can we make ends meet if I went back to healing?"

"That's not what I asked."

"Derek, I think I'm at the end of my rope, hit rock bottom. I just need the answer to my prayers."

_Her "knight in shining armor" is a certain pirate in black leather._


	11. I'm not throwing myself

I do not own any Once Upon a Time characters, just Bernadette. Yay Killian is here and their relationship is starting.

Bernadette entered the tavern, got her usual mug of ale and sat down in the corner facing the wall. She didn't want to have anyone meeting her eyes. She didn't feel like dealing with anyone, and she doubted anyone wanted to deal with her.

There was the fight with James last month and the fight yesterday with that man, the one who thought she would make better job on her back. What was the saying, dead man tell no tales?

Maybe she had finally hit rock bottom. Could she admit she was at the end of her rope? After all the horrible things she had done, was the last month the final straw? Bernadette couldn't take it anymore, she needed a way out? Even Derek was fed up of seeing her beat up and her descent, but he said nothing.

Bernadette rested her head in her hands only to quickly move her hand to avoid the pain from the cut below her ear. The scar was still in pain. She picked up the mug to check her reflection in it, the stitches were still visible and it was not pretty.

She needed a way out now. She couldn't keep doing this. And honestly at this point, she really didn't care what she had to do to get out.

A voice from halfway across the tavern met her ears, a voice she hadn't even thought about in years.

"Drink up, mates, there's a treasure out there just waiting for us, and we are going to find it. The stuff of legends, beyond our wildest dreams. And I know your dreams are quite wild." There was also a bunch of pirate yelling.

Bernadette had to rake her mind for name of the pirate. The one with the hook… Jones… Killian Jones… Yes, that was it. Was the treasure really as great as he made it out to be? Men, pirates in peculiar, tended to stretch the truth.

Then an idea dawned on her, a brilliant yet stupid idea. Could this be her way out? Could this treasure put her bounty hunter ways for a little while? Could she go back to healing, could people trust her again? Could she find the treasure and have it all to herself? Could she outsmart blood thirsty pirates and their captain? And if so for how long? She had to do it for herself and Derek, it was for them.

Was it worth the risk? Again she picked up her mug to get a better look at the captain behind her. He hadn't changed one bit, while her on the other had changed in ways no one could see.

Bernadette made a spilt second decision, knocked back the rest of her ale and walked to his table.

"Are you looking for another crew member?" That was her opening line. The entire table turned to look up at her. Bernadette only focused on Killian, whose blue eyes rested uncomfortably on her.

"Not at the moment, however if you have any special talents, we could discuss them over a drink." He looked her over; an overconfident smirk crossed his face.

"You already know my talent." She said.

"Must not have been that memorable. Would you give me a hint on your talent, love?" He actually winked at her

"Love? You don't recognize me, do you?" She asked, maybe a little hurt. He had gotten knifed a few years ago, how could he have forgotten that?

"Do you have any idea how many women throw themselves at me?" There was a laugh around the table. "I can't possibly remember…" Before he was able to finish his sentence, Bernadette had pulled a dagger out and pinned his sleeve to the table. His crew all went for their weapons, but he stopped them, bringing his hook up to have them stand down.

"I'm not throwing myself." She had already leaned in close. He slowly met her eyes. "The knife on the other hand, is a different story. And I seemed to have jogged your memory."

He flashed a smile that would have melted any other women's heart but not hers. "A thousand apologies, love but you look a bit different from the last time we met."

"Wish I could say the same about you, but I'd be lying."

"Join me for another round, please." He motioned to the man next to him, who left the seat. "Just as handsome as I am in your dreams?"

"You would be welcomed in my dreams as opposed to what is usually in there." She said very quietly, hoping he didn't hear her. Bernadette sat down, glad he hadn't offer her a seat in his lap.

"Tell me a little bit about yourself, lass." Killian asked when a few more glasses were placed on the table. The rest of the crew had left for other tables, leaving Bernadette alone with the Captain.

"Didn't know you even cared to get to know any woman, this is a shock to me." She looked at him strangely.

"Don't believe everything you hear about me, stories tend to stretch the truth. But some things are more than true."

"Not interested in finding out what's true and what's not." She took a glass and raised it to him. "What should we drink to, Captain?"

"Whatever you want to, I would have no objects to anything you want." He stared at her, pulling her chair closer.

She rolled her eyes. "How about we drink to getting to this amazing treasure without getting into too much trouble?"

"That depends on what kind of trouble you like?"

"You don't even want to know." She answered, clicking her glass to his.

"Woman of mystery, I am very interested now." He watched her drown her drink quickly and then followed suit. She then stood up. "You're leaving already?"

"You said one drink, that was my one drink. When does your ship leave?"

"In two days, my ship is docked in the port, just be there before we leave." He said looking up at her.

"How will I know which one is yours?"

"You're a smart lass, you will figure it out." Again that smile.

"So the gaudiest ship there, got it." She nodded her head.

"That hurt; don't insult the ship before you see her. You might like what you see. At this point, I think you already found something you like."

"Cool it or you will find yourself having to be dragged out of here." She began to walk away.

"Only if you're the one dragging me."

Bernadette spent the next two days gathering everything she thought she would need on her adventure, which included a ton of fairy dust. Enough for knock out drugs, sleeping toxics and anything else she might need it for. Derek even came with her this time, it was mostly as a way to spend time with her, to figure out her reasons and argue her point for even going with the pirate.

"He's a pirate, and after only one thing." That was his first reason.

"I guessed enough, I can handle him, I handled plenty like him. What's one more?"

"I know you can handle it, I just don't want you to."

"Thank you for your concern." She stopped to look at him. "There's something else. What else are you nervous about?"

"That you might fall for him. You wouldn't be the first woman. He goes through woman like water, or rum because he's a pirate."

"I am not going to fall for him, I'm not going to fall for anyone, did it once I don't plan on doing it ever again."

"No future for you?"

She stopped walking and turned around to face him. "I have you, you're my family. I have everything I need. You're the only one who knows everything about me and you're the only one who stayed around without lecturing me."

Derek smiled and put his hand on her shoulder. "I know, we are family."

"I can handle the pirate; it would be a shock if I don't kill him." They reached the mine. "Stay here, I'll be right back."

Bernadette stood on the dock, looking for the pirate ship. Yes, the gaudiest ship there. She let a smile show. She was dressed comfortably, a blue coat snug around her. Her bag had all the tonics she needed, the disc from Benjamin on its usual chain. Derek stood next to her

"You don't have to do this, you know." He had changed his tune and had been saying this since yesterday.

"This is easy money. This can be our ticket to be better life. I don't have a choice." That had been her response.

"There's always a choice. I got this for you." He pulled a black cord from his coat and tied it around her wrist.

"What's this?" She asked, confused.

"We can now keep an eye on each other."

"Keep an eye on each other…?"

"I made a deal with him for it." He answered.

"How could you? I thought we vowed to steer clear of him." She asked, a little angry. They had always known the Dark One never meant well.

"I did it for you; I know you would do the same. Now go, the Captain won't wait forever for you. Be careful and stay out of trouble." He took a step back.

"I'm always careful." She smiled; this was the extent of their good-bye.

Bernadette walked through the crowd and boarded the ship without a question from any crew members. Apparently they had overheard what was said between her and the Captain.

Killian was at the helm, plotting the course. They locked eyes when she stepped onto the deck, but beyond that, they did not acknowledge each other. She simply leaned over the railing, looking out over the crowd. Through the mass of people, Derek stared back.

"Is he your man?" Killian appeared next to her.

She shook her head. "No, he's my brother. I haven't had a man in a while…" Why had she said that? Apparently Killian had a way of getting words out of people.

"Good to know." He said quietly enough for just for her to hear.

She shook her head and did not look at him. 'Easy money, he is just easy money, just get through this in one piece.'


	12. Diamond in the rough

I do not own Once Upon a Time, just Bernadette and this plot line. Thank you for the likes and followers! Please read and review. Killian isn't exactly throwing the charm on her, yet.

Killian quickly left her, not bothering to wait for her to get her bearing when the ship pulled out of port. Bernadette was glad her very quickly regained her balance. There was no way the crew was going to see her uneasy and unfocused. That was her whole mission, to keep up the appearance of being in control at all times. Being on a pirate ship, it was not the time to lose anything. She had to watch her back at all times.

She hadn't meant to keep her distance from Killian, maybe he had wanted to keep his distance. Bernadette knew full well she was nothing like any woman Killian had brought onto the ship and maybe that played a large part on their distance. He was just buying his time.

She spent the day exploring the ship, getting to know every corner; she had to learn everything in order to be able to carry out her plan.

Bernadette had her first encounter with a crew member below deck. He stared at her much longer than he should have. She rested both hands on her hips, right over her daggers.

"Is there something I can help you with?" She asked in an even tone.

"Not really. But usually when the Captain brings a woman back to the ship, she is off limits to the rest of the crew. He didn't say anything this time. But the crew knows better, you're a bounty hunter."

"Why are you here then, if you know better?"

"I want to see if the stories are true. Would I be worried that you would kill me?"

"If I did, would anyone miss you?" That was enough to scare him off, the crew member walked past her, intentionally knocking into her shoulder before going above deck.

The sun had set hours earlier and she was on the deck, done with her own rounds. She was never one to look at the stars, but there she was, staring straight up. And against her better judgment, she yawned, the day had finally caught up to her.

"Tired, lass?" Killian came up beside her.

"No, not at all." She replied, trying her hardest to keep back yet another yawn.

"My cabin is right below, which it can be yours, if you want…"

She shook her head, already knew something like this was to be coming sooner rather than later. "I can't impose; it is the Captain's cabin."

"Nonsenses, it's used to guests."

"And how am I supposed to take that?" Bernadette asked, slightly offended.

"You are the first one I will not be following back there, you are a diamond in the rough, lass. So go get some sleep, I will see you in the morning." He gave her a slight push in the direction of the captain's cabin. Her tiredness was the only thing left as she gave up and walked to the cabin. Upon entering, she firmly locked the door behind her. However, Bernadette felt that might not be enough and moved a chest of drawers in front of the door. Damn right he was not following her in tonight.

She turned around to survey the room, it was more than she would have expected from a simple pirate, a large bed, another chest of drawers, desk with a chair and bookcase. Everything, she assumed was stolen, nothing actually matched. The only thing she really cared about was the bed. She carefully removed all her daggers and placed them on a table. Bernadette shed her coat, bag, sash and boots behind flopping into the bed face first.

Not two seconds later, there was a knock at the door. Annoyed, Bernadette moved to door.

"I thought you weren't following me." She asked through the door.

"Don't flatter yourself, I'm staying on this side of the door. I just thought you might be more comfortable sleeping in something less… restricting. There's a chest of drawers, which by the lack of movement of this door, you found. In it are a few things you might find useful. Don't worry, no one else used them before you. Sleep tight."

Then there was silence. Bernadette backed away from the door, and curiously opened one of the drawers. The first thing she found inside was a long nightgown. Granted the neckline was a bit more open than she would have liked given the situation, but she couldn't be picky right now.

She took off her travel clothes and slipped into the nightgown. The fabric was softer than anything she had ever worn. Maybe, after she had the treasure, she could own a few of these herself.

Allowing herself a smallest of smiles, she removed a small vial from her bag and downed its contents. Bernadette then climbed into bed and let the sea rock her to sleep.

Killian had to admit, he had never snuck into his own cabin, much less in the middle of the night. All he had to do was leave a note for his guest. That was it, well maybe it wasn't. He just wanted to see if she was all rough and in control when she slept. He guessed she let down her guard when she slept, maybe it was the only time she could.

This one was different, judging completely on the fact she was… broken the day they met, three years ago. Had she patched herself up during all the time?

Once inside the room, the first thing he noticed was what was blocking the door, she was smart and resourceful. Killian wouldn't expect anything less of her.

He left her a quick note, taking a moment to admire the weapons she left on the table.

Then there was noise from the bed. Killian moved over to it to see Bernadette curled up under a blanket. She had taken his advice and was wearing a nightgown. As beautiful as he imagined she looked in it, her face was twisted as if in a nightmare. She began to mutter things, only one word was clear, "Benjamin". A tear ran down her cheek and suddenly she bolted up.

Killian pulled himself into the darkness. Bernadette didn't bother looking around the room. She just sat there with her head in her hands. Presently, she fell backwards, clutching tightly to the copper disc she wore on a chain around her neck.

So she had only fixed the exterior of her broken self, Killian thought. He waited for her breathing to settle before climbing back out the window. Would he share this new found information with her? No, not right now at least.

Bernadette awoke the next morning, still clutching the disc. She dreamt about Benjamin, again like she did most nights. No matter how much potion she drank, she always remembered the tragic times. Why didn't it work? It only dulled the pain, but the memories, those stayed, as if imprinted on her mind.

She got up from bed and went to change back into her travel clothes but noticed a note on the table. It was from Killian.

How had he gotten in? Had he done anything besides writing the note? Had he seen her nightmare? He said he wasn't following her. As angry as she was, Bernadette decided to play it dumb, like she didn't see the note.

The note suggested she find other clothes in the closet. She opened it to find a whole array of items of clothing in it. Were these also unworn, like Killian had said? Bernadette would take her chances and picked the most comfortable shirt and vest she could find to pair with the pants she wore the day before.

Bernadette walked into the deck, the sun bright in her eyes. They took a moment to adjust. She spotted Killian first at the wheel and went up to him, finally cutting the distance between them.

"Morning, I take it you don't sleep." She greeted him.

"No, it's a habit I stopped. It always brought on bad dreams." Killian responded, never taking his eyes off the sea. Bernadette made no action to suggest she understood his comment. "I take it you got my note." He asked.

"Note?" She asked innocently.

"About a change of clothes… I see those are not the ones you arrived in."

"No, I just searched the room until I found something." Bernadette commented. She swung in close to him. "When do I get to see this treasure map you keep bragging about?"

"Right to the chase are you? Well, you are new here, very very new I might add. You have to work your way up to seeing the map." Killian laughed.

"Oh, what would I have to do to work my way up?" She asked, even though she could take a wild guess.

They locked eyes, Killian's had a mischievous glint to them. "Nothing that I can think of at the moment. When I think of it, I'll be sure to share it with you."

She matched his look. "You do that."

"Though if you really wanted it, you could just go find it." Killian stated.

"Are you giving me permission to touch your things?" Bernadette asked, tying not to smirk.

"If you are going to talk about me, at least do it to my face." Bernadette slid into a seat at the table. Silence fell over the crew members. "Well?"

"Are you going to kill us?" One asked.

"Have you given me a reason? What is going around the ship about me?"

"That you are a bounty hunter that regularly deals in fairy dust and any job that has the right price.

"All true."

"And that you kill without thinking."

"Some of the times."

Suddenly the conversion felt it was going down the wrong path, Bernadette braced herself for the next obvious question.

"And that you were paid to kill the man you loved."

There it was. She was good at keeping her emotions in check. However when it came to Benjamin, that's where she drew the line.

She could only lower her eyes and let out a slight sign. "That is right. I did." And she walked away.


	13. Instead I got stuck with you

I do not own Once Upon a Time, just Bernadette and this plot line. Their relationship is starting, might not be pretty but it will blossom into trust. I plan on renaming the chapters with quotes very soon.

They continued to keep a distance, never saying more than a handful of words to each other. But Bernadette could always feel his eyes on her. Killian mostly stayed at the helm, that's where he belonged as captain.

Bernadette found a telescope and put it to good use, taking closer looks at the higher reaches of the ship and Killian himself from across the ship. One thing in peculiar peaked her interest. He had a tattoo, on his arm, a name. And Bernadette had to find out more.

Now, who was the best person to ask? She trusted no one on the ship, that was a given. But there was one very mousy crew member, someone who was not cut for the life of a pirate.

"Mr. Smee." She motioned him over.

"Me?" He asked.

"Is there another Mr. Smee on this ship? The tattoo on the Captain's arm, who was she?"

He seemed unsure what to say, afraid to say too much, she guessed, so he gave her a vague answer.

"Someone he loved and lost a long time ago."

It was just as she had suspected. Bernadette smiled. "Thank you for that information, you have been most helpful." He basically bolted away from her.

Even from that answer she could draw many conclusions. The most important, Killian was capable of love and he had a weakness.

In the back of her mind was a nagging voice that told her they were not so different. He wore his lost love on his arm; she wore her around her neck

.~*~

Killian waited three days before he decided he had given his guest enough time to settle in. He was done buying his time, time to get exactly what he wanted from the bounty hunter.

Bernadette was sitting on the desk, feet on a chair, sharping a knife when Killian entered the cabin, with a certain air of confidence.

She merely glanced up at him. "And what brings you to my cabin today, Captain?"

"Desks are not for sitting, lass. And this is my cabin; I only letting you borrow until I decide I would like it back."

"And it took you three days? Must be a record. What are you planning on doing to get it back?" She said, fully knowing on what he planned.

"You are going to ask me nicely to come join you." He responded.

"Over confident, are we?" She let herself crack a smile.

"Just a bit, I never had any complaints before." He took a few steps towards her and knocked her knife out of her hands. She only pressed her lips tight together, annoyed. Killian pushed her down roughly onto the table only to get an elbow to the neck. He looked down at her to see another knife in her hand. "Where did that come from?"

"Wouldn't you like to know? I have a few extra knives on me at all times."

"Should I start the search now?"

"Not without a fight." She said, knocked him hard with the hilt of the knife in the chin, sending him off her and the table. He landed hard on the floor. She jumped up, pulling another knife out of her boot, ready for when he got up.

He slowly got up and if looks could kill, she would have died on the spot. But then, he would be dead also with the look she returned.

But she couldn't kill him, she needed him and his crew. She needed that treasure. For herself, for Derek, for them to lead a better life.

He came up to her and grabbed her wrist and twisted it behind her back faster than she could think. As she cried out in pain, she kicked him in the back of the knee and he let go and brought his face back up only meet with her fist. He staged a few feet back. Sadly, it was not enough to knock him out. He came again only to throw Bernadette against the wall. She bit back another cry of pain, she refused to let him in, in all forms.

"Never. Do. That. Again." He growled, a trickle of blood came from his lip. "When I let you join this crew, I had more pleasant activities planned in my head for us. Not all this anger you put on. This is not want I wanted." His hand left her shoulder and rested on the wall above her. His hook stayed on her waist, almost cutting into her side. But he did not step back there was still just the tiniest bit of space between their bodies.

"Let me join?" She let out a small laugh. "All I had to do was ask nicely and you just melted. Things like that happen when you make an impression on someone."

"You think you made an impression on me?" He laughed.

"I was the first to say no. How many women have knifed you upon meeting you? So yes, I made an impression. And not having things go as planned, that makes two of us. I thought this ship was run by the famous Captain Hook, the most ruthless and cunning pirate on the high seas…"

"It's too late for flattery, lass." He growled.

"I wasn't finished. Instead I got stuck with you. Sad excuse for a pirate who is missing a part of himself. And I'm not talking about your hand."

A cruel smile slid crossed his face and he placed his hook at the base of her throat. "And you are a broken bounty hunter missing the same thing."

She didn't know how to respond to his comment. But she would not let him know he got to her, got to her deep.

They just locked eyes; whatever Killian had planned in his mind seemed to have left his eyes. Something passed between them. Bernadette wasn't sure what, but she guessed he had been hurt by her words as much as she had by his.

He took his hook back and went to the door. She stopped him with a comment. "You didn't deny my accusation."

He turned to her with a sad smile. "Neither did you, love." He left the cabin and reentered the deck.

It was two days before Killian even dared to go near Bernadette. He knew full well he had to tread lightly. When it came to matters of the heart, just like him, it was hard issue. But they both could put up a very strong front to avoid it.

Bernadette was standing on the deck, leaning over the rail. She had never seen the ocean and she couldn't get over the size and power of it.

Her loneliness was interrupted when Killian stood behind her, placing his arms on either side of her.

"Are we still playing this game?" She rolled her eyes but didn't turn to him. She simply turned her wrist up, showing a glimmer of metal under her sleeve.

"I knew you were trouble the moment you stepped on board, lass." He moved around to her side and shook his head.

She let out a laugh. "You think I'm trouble? No Captain, I am simply a challenge you cannot handle."

"Remind me why I don't just leave you at the next port? I don't actually need you for this treasure hunt."

A sly smile slid onto her face and she turned to him. "You're right, you don't need me. However…" She took a step closer. "You want me. Now understand one thing, you will not have me. I will not be another one of your conquests that you can brag about. You need to forget that whole concept of yours. Any plans you had for the two of us will never be happening."

"You are flattering yourself, love. You think that you can just stab a man and he never thinks about you again? That just intrigues him more."

"And you think that you can just bat those baby blue eyes of yours and women come running?"

"It works quite well."

"My dagger works just as well." She took a step even closer, closer than she normally would have dared, she swear she felt the stubble from his chin.

"What are you doing, love?" He asked, smiling.

"Showing you exactly what you want. And letting you imagine what you could have."

"I'm a pirate," He touched her chin with his finger, titling her head up to lock eyes with her. "I always get exactly what I want. If I want something, I fight for it, no matter what. In this case though, I need to figure out first how high your walls are built."

"Walls? What walls?" She asked, genuinely confused.

"The ones you have to protect yourself. But that's not why people built walls."

"Then why?"

He brought his face down to her neck and very quietly whispered in her ear. "They build them to see who cares enough to break them down."

"That's very insightful for a simple pirate." Her voice was barely above a whisper, Kllian's words might have rung true, just a thought that never occurred to her.

"I have been around a very long time, lass. I have seen a lot." He had already pulled back to look at her.

"You won't like what you find behind the wall."

"You don't know that."

"Things are anything but pretty behind there." But Bernadette had to keep the upper hand here. "What are you imagining right now?"

"I would rather show you than tell you, but I like to consider myself a gentleman, so I will refrain from any activities of that nature."

"You a gentleman? I think you consider yourself a lot of other things also." She turned from him, feeling uneasy with him staring at her.

"That cut looks recent." Killian noticed the cut which below her ear

"You can stop pretending to care about me. I know what you're after." Bernadette turned to look hard at him.

"I care about how you got it. As the gentleman I pride myself in being, I don't believe that women should be hit."

"But they can be thrown against walls? Yes, that makes perfect sense." She shook her head.

"You weren't cooperating." He answered.

"I wasn't cooperating when I got this either." She answered quietly. From the corner of her eye, she saw something coming towards her face. Instinct kicked in and her hand grabbed his, only to find it holding a cloth, wet with something.

"You assume too much, love. Maybe you should try something new, something called trust."

"I can do it myself, if you don't mind." She said.

"What if I do mind?" He asked back quietly.

"Too bad." She took it out of his hand and gently touched it to her neck, completely missing the cut.

"Hand it over, love. Let me do it." He gently took the cloth and touched the cut. She gasped and grabbed his arm, squeezing it harder than he had thought she was capable of. "When did you get this?"

"Last week."

"And it still hurts? Did you get it looked at?"

"I got you, what more do I need?" She noticed the amused look on his face. "Don't take that to heart, Killian. And I find it very hard to trust people."

"Why is that?"

"I can't trust myself. She finally took a step back and walked away. She heard one word behind her.

"Crack."

Her bow was her weapon of choice, her dagger was her second. A sword always seemed to… royal and formal for her. Besides the fact she was rarely ever handed one. Until now

She had just finished restringing her bow when the handle of a sword was placed in front of her face.

"Care for a lesson?" Bernadette looked up, Killian stood over her. He dropped it at her feet.

"What would the point be? I can take a man out with a dagger."

"You might not have a dagger on you. I would throw you a sword if you found yourself in a tight situation." He said, putting emphasis on the word sword.

She bit back a smile, annoyed at his forwardness. "I prefer my swords smaller."

"That hurt lass, right here." He placed a hand over his heart.

"Two can play that game."

"Any game the two of us could play would be quite interesting. Are you going to take me up on my lesson?"

"I'll pass on it."

"You afraid you could end up on your back?"

She smiled and leaned in closer. "I am never on my back."

Killian was too impressed with her comeback so he took a step back and turned his back. He did not realize it was a mistake. Bernadette jumped up and grabbed his own sword from his belt.

He turned back to see her holding the sword to his neck. "Are you going to pick that up?" She asked sweetly.

"I would love to." He bent down to grab it. When he did, he swung it at her feet. She was quick enough to jump over it, ready to face him.

Bernadette knew it was a losing fight, but she blocked every shot as well as she could. He was much more experienced than her, and maybe stronger. Her weapon was a dagger, not a sword and she would never be without at least one dagger. Besides, her fists worked just as well.

Their lesson went on a good fifteen minutes and took them up and down the deck, jumping off of barrels and crates and dodging around ropes and poles. Then she missed a step and lost her balance. Bernadette fell hard on her back and looked up to have a sword pointed at her throat.

"Never on your back, you say. Obviously that's not always true. I guess with your reputation, I was expecting something a bit more. Stick with the daggers, love." He put his sword away and offered her a hand up. "You need to work on your footwork."

Bernadette accepted his hand and stood up. However she did not let go and twisted it behind his back, she kicked him in the back of the knee and he came down flat on his back.

She let go of his hand now. "And you should learn not to let down your guard." She said with a small smile.

He laughed as he got himself up. "Impressive, that was impressive. Maybe next time, you can knock me on my back with the sword and not resort to cheating."

"Whatever gets the job done."

Thank you for the followers and likes!


	14. I used to have a life

Sorry for the short chapter, the next scene isn't ready yet. Thank you for the followers and likes. Please read a review. Now get ready for real feels. Yes, both Killian and Bernadette can be human around each other. Also, please disguard the fact she already called him Killian in the previous chapter.

I do not own Once Upon a Time, just this story line.

Bernadette finally let down her guard enough to start a conversation with him without him pestering to talk. She was actually curious to see where it could take her and what she could learn.

"So, Captain Hook?" The name tasted odd on her tongue.

"Are you making fun of my colorful name? It seemed fitting." He held up his hook, but didn't look at her.

"It just seems a bit tacky, even for a pirate." She shrugged.

"You can call me anything you want, love."

She was thoughtful for a moment. "You introduced yourself as Killian, I'll just stick with that."

He seemed to have frozen at the wheel. And he tried to find something to say, dirty or otherwise. When he couldn't, he just turned to look at her, the emotions behind his eyes were very different from how she usually found them. There was a deep pain there. What nerve did she hit?

Their silent moment was cut short when loud crack of wood and a blood curling scream from the deck.

"Man down!" came a clear voice.

Killian went down to the deck, Bernadette at his heels.

It seemed the entire crew was crowded around one man, who had rather large wood pole through his upper arm. All the healer experience and knowledge in her came back in a flash. Honestly, she had seen worst before and possibly the clearest head on the deck.

"Don't touch that!" Someone had grabbed the pole in an attempt to pull it out. "You could take his whole arm with it!" She hated people who thought they knew what they were doing, especially when it came to healing. That's how people ended up dead. "I got this."

"You got this? Do you know what you're doing?" Killian asked, more interested than anything else.

"Yes." She felt like she was basically asking for permission or acceptance, two things she hated to ask for. But it was more for the crew, who was looking for guidance.

"Let the healer do her job. Do you need anything?" He inquired.

"Clean water, bandages, tea oil." She stated.

"Get those items and everyone else get back to work." Killian yelled to the crew.

But they was no way they were missing this, they wanted to see the bounty hunter work, or least work at something they were not expecting from her. Rolling her eyes, Bernadette got down next to the still screaming man.

"What's your name?" She asked gently, just like Eleanor had taught her.

"Paul."

"Paul, I need to calm down. I'm going to cut the pole and pull it out slowly. I need you to focus on my voice and nothing else. Block out all the other voices, the waves, even your own heartbeat. Just focus on me." All the while cutting the pole with her dagger.

"I'm going to die, that's it! This is the end! There's a bounty hunter trying to kill me!" He was not calming down.

Apparently Bernadette had less patience than Eleanor and grabbed an empty bottle from the deck and smashed it over Paul's head, knocking him out.

"Big cry baby." She muttered under her breath. Bernadette finally cut the pole through and quickly pulled it out. She checked it for nick, happy not pieces were still lodged in his arm. Bernadette looked up. "I need him moved below deck when I can stitch him up." No one moved. "Now." She raised her voice again.

Only a nod from Killian made them move.

"Careful, if he bleeds out all over the deck, I'll make sure you're the one cleaning it up." She said evenly.

Paul was gently placed on a make shift cot and brought below deck. Bernadette rolled up her sleeves and tied her hair up, ready to work. The man placed their fellow crew member on the floor and left. Killian however, stayed behind, she looked at him confused.

"Just watching over my crew."

"You don't strike me as the type to care."

"I do care." He answered quietly, handing her a bottle of rum.

She smiled briefly at him, taking the bottle, opening it with her mouth and poured it on the wound. She could basically picture his mouth dropping. "I know, waste of rum." She waved off an argument from him. The man barely moved, she had knocked him out well enough.

Bernadette began to mix the tea leaves with the water, making it into a paste. She applied it. "This will help to regrow the muscle and reconnect anything. The bone wasn't touched not sure how that happened. But he's lucky. All I can do is wrap it up until it's ready inside so I can stitch it up."

"I love watching you work." Killian remarked.

"Doubt you would same the thing if I was working on you."

"Of course you could if you wanted to…" He paused then changed his whole thought. "You really know what you're doing."

"I used to have a life, you know, before everything fell to pieces." She gave him a sad smile.

"Do you ever wish you could go back?"

Bernadette finished tying the bandage but didn't look at him. "There's no hope in wishing."

"Why not?"

Now her brown eyes met his blue ones. "Everyone has something in their past that changed them so much that there is no way they could ever go back." She shook her head, all serious again. "He needs to stay off his feet, maybe a week. The pain is going to be very bad. He won't be able to use the arm for at least a month. We should leave him to sleep. I wouldn't want to be here when he wakes up." Bernadette headed to the door.

Killian grabbed her arm and pulled her close. "You'll find a way to get back, you always seem to."


	15. You think it's a good time to flirt with

_I do not own Once upon a Time, just this plot line and the character of Bernadette. Thank you so much for the likes and followers! _

About a month after the ship left port, they reached another port and the crew were granted a land day. Needing to get off the ship for a least a few hours, Bernadette reluctantly followed the crew to the nearest tavern. She was planning on sitting at a different table, but Killian guided her over to his table.

"Beautiful young woman, sitting alone, you don't want people getting the wrong impression about you." He whispered in her ear.

"When have I ever cared what others thought? And it's that how we met?" She rolled her eyes.

"Look how well that worked out." He smiled, gently pushing her into a chair and placing a mug of ale in front of her.

Killian began to talk to the rest of the table. Bernadette blocked out the conversation and focused on a group of people a few tables away. Friends, close friends, she could tell, one couple, surrounded by others, but they were lost in their own world. They were slightly younger than her and they shared their day's activities, their hopes and dreams.

For Bernadette, it furthered dove home the point that she was so very far from the person she used to be. She picked up her mug and drank like her life depended on it.

"Slow down, can you handle that? I don't want to carry you back to the ship." Killian looked at her strangely.

"I bet you would love to carry me back. Sadly for you though, I can handle my liquor, trust me." She shot back at him.

"Who's asking for trust now?" He asked, amused.

"Think nothing of it." She turned back to the group of friends. Killian followed her gaze but said nothing.

"Captain Killian Jones, or should I say Captain Hook." Someone unfamiliar came up to the table. "I remember you from the last time we met."

"Always nice to make an impression." Killian answered, his hand resting gently on his sword.

"Yes, you made quite an impression on my wife, before you took her away."

"She asked, I merely obeyed her request."

"Will that be your answer to everything?"

"If it's the case, then yes."

"She your woman?" The stranger then turned to Bernadette. She knew that look; she had seen it countless times. And she never put up with it. Because this time, she choked on her drink, for a number of reasons. The most important being thought to be Killian's woman, the nerve.

But Killian was taking the situation well. "She is my woman and if you keep staring at her like that, you won't have any eyes."

"Is that a challenge?" The man asked.

"It is." Killian grabbed the table and flipped the table at him. Killian's sword came out as did Bernadette's daggers. They were both ready for a fight.

Of course the man had a group with him but Killian had his crew. Weapons clashed and everyone who wasn't involved in the fight left the tavern quickly, not wanting to get hurt.

Bernadette was thankful she had all twelve daggers on her but she did rather to have her bow, less need to move around. She never took her eyes off Killian, who seemed to hold his own.

Pretty soon, she just resorted to using her fists and anything she could get her hands on. Broken glass and pieces of chairs covered the floor. Her wrist was grabbed and she spun around, fist ready. It was caught in the giant hand of the wifeless man.

"I never expected the pirate to pick a woman who can handle her own." Rather than argue, she twisted her arm, he let go only to have her hand made contact with his face. This made his grip on her wrist tighten. "You are going to be an interesting partner, aren't you?" He growled. "Someone needs to teach you your place."

Killian was only a few yards away for her, caught his own predicament. He noticed her distress, got her attention and threw her his sword. She surprisingly caught it and plunged it into the man's stomach. He fell to the ground. Killian was at her side instantly.

"Are you alright, love?" He asked, a little worn.

"Yes, of course."

"Then now is the time to leave." They headed to the door, his crew behind him. Upon entering the street, there were shouts from royal guards directed at them. Killian turned to his crew. "Spilt up, lose them and meet back up at the ship." He grabbed Bernadette's hand and led them in the opposite direction of the ship. They quickly ran through back alleyways, eventually circling the block and saw the ship. They had to stop for a moment's rest.

"You know I had everything under control, right? I could have handled him?" She rounded on him, slightly yelling.

"I know, love."

"Then why did you help me?"

"Because I felt obligated to, I felt I had to defend your honor." He responded like it was a very simple answer.

Bernadette's eyes widened at him and she had to laugh. "Defend my what? Pretty sure I have no honor."

"You have honor, you just don't know it." He paused and noticed her hand. "You hurt yourself back there. Let me look at that cut." There was a large gash; she didn't know how she got it. Killian examined it before taking a bottle of rum. "This is going to sting."

"I can handle…" She began to say before letting out a short scream when he poured it on.

"You can handle it?" He asked; a small smile played on his face.

"I'm only human." She shrugged. He pulled a piece of cloth out of his pocket and wrapped it a few times around her hand, tying it with his teeth.

"That was a waste of rum. A simple thank you should be in order for having your back." She just stared up at him. "You need to open up and learn to trust people, love."

"You can let go of my hand now."

"Can I?" He just stared down at her, and then she noticed how blue his eyes were.

"We were just in a fight and now we're running for our lives and you think it's a good time to flirt with me?" She rolled her eyes.

"Good a time as any, I suppose." He leaned in towards her, for a second she honestly thought he was going to kiss her. But his face twisted in pain and he stumbled forward and Bernadette caught him.

"Killian?" Her hand met blood on his back. "How did this happen? I never lost sight of you?"

"Couldn't take your eyes off me?" He laughed.

"I need to get you back to the ship now." They ran towards the ship, trying to avoid people. They boarded quickly, the other crew members were already there.

"Someone else need to steer the ship, the Captain is hurt. I'm going to take care of him." She barked orders.

Bernadette led Killian to her cabin, his cabin, whoever's cabin it was. It just wasn't theirs.

She eased him onto the edge of the bed inside before she started yelling. "You stole his wife, what did you except? It was a stupid move. You could have gotten yourself killed."

"Am I wrong in thinking you cared if I got killed?" He laughed but was obviously in pain.

"I don't like when people make stupid choices, that's all."

"Too bad, I thought I had gotten through to you, finally."

"Keep on dreaming." She realized her hand was covered with his blood. "You're bleeding through your shirt; I am going to have to stich you up."

"You are not going to stab me in the back, repeatedly" He responded

"But I'll enjoy it ever so much." She answered back sweetly.

"No, I am still captain of this ship and I say no."

"Then bleed out for all I care." She leaned in close and whispered. "But when the world hears that the great Captain Hook died because he lost too much blood in a simple fight, nothing else will matter about you."

"You win this time, lass." He surrendered.

"That's a good boy." She beamed down at him, then settled on the bed, behind him. "Shirt off."

"You didn't have to wait for me to get hurt to tell me to take my shirt off, you know?" He asked, a grin came through his pain as he took his shirt off. Bernadette let out a gasp. "That's the usual reaction, love."

A cold finger touched his back right below the cut. "Don't flatter yourself. This cut is deeper than I thought. Getting you back in ship shape is going to hurt." She got up and began to gather supplies from around the room, pieces of cloth, thread, a needle and a bottle of rum.

Settling back down on the bed, she poured some of the rum into the cloth and not bothering to warn him, wiped it right across his shoulder blade. If she hadn't had a strong hand on his shoulder, Killian would have bolted up.

"What the devil did you do?" He growled.

"You're lucky the blade wasn't poisoned." She poured more rum on the cloth and gently dabbed it on the reddest areas. "There, that's not infected anymore. Drink this, it will dull the pain." She handed the bottle over to him. Bernadette cleaned the needle with the rum cloth before threading it.

Thinking maybe, she should be nice this time, she said, "I'm going to start sewing you up."

"Be careful not to hit anything important, like my heart." He joked.

"You have one of those?"

"Don't you?"

"Shut up." She gently touched the area around the cut with her finger and he roared. Annoyed, she hit him in the back of the head. "You are acting so childish. I didn't even stab you yet."

"You know, you could be a little gentler."

"You don't strike me as the kind of man who likes gentle."

"Well played. What do I get for good behavior?"

"You can go on with your like nothing ever happened." She answered matter-o-factly.

"Nothing else to entice me?"

"Don't get your hopes up; you might not live after this. I'm going to start sewing now."

"Do whatever you need to do, love." She began to stitch in silence, Killian drinking the rum with every stab.

He finally spoke. "You're pretty good in a fight."

"Give me the right weapons, I can do anything."

"You have done this before, correct? Sown people up?"

"Numerous." She answered.

"Ever on yourself?"

He couldn't see the proud smirk growing on her face. She brought her right hand out so he could see. "You would never know it." Only she knew about the time she almost sliced her pinky off, the scar was so faint now.

"Are you sewing with one hand?" He twisted his head to see.

"How do you think I fixed this?"

"Impressive. Any other scars?"

"You can find them later." She half promised.

"I am holding you to that, love."

Silence fell between them again. "So you trust me enough to let me stitch you up. Does that mean I can see the map?" She asked thoughtfully.

"Again with the map, is that the first thing on your mind?"

"It's why I'm here." She knotted the thread and leaned back to check her work. "Not bad, if I do say so myself."

"Done? That was fast. Do I get to find those other scars now?" He placed his hand on her leg and began to try around to her. She jumped up and stood in front of him.

"That is the rum talking, see you finished the bottle. You need to stay down. Sleeping it off might be the best idea."

"I'm fine, love, you don't have to worry about me."

Her hands rested gently on his shoulders. "I'm not worried about you. You need time to heal, that's all. You should sleep it off, alone."

"Then make me stay here." He said, locking eyes with her. She sighed, as if giving in.

"Let me put the supplies down and I'll give you a reason to rest." She stood up and placed the needle and cloths on the table. Bernadette reached into her bag and pulled out a small jar. She spread the cream on her lips and turned back to him. "So Captain, you need a reason to stay down and rest? I'll give you one." She leaned in close, resting her hands on his knees.

"Make it a good reason, love."

She smiled. Bernadette let her lips gently touched his. However it didn't last too long, he paused and fell to his side, landing comfortably on the bed.

Bernadette straightened up and grabbed a cloth to wipe her month. It was the first time she ever used the kiss of death and wasn't sure it should stay on her. At least he would be out cold for a few hours.

Killian woke a good six hours later in less pain than he thought he would have after that fight. Then he moved his arm and there was all the pain. He looked around the room, he wasn't even properly in the bed and he was alone. What did he remember from the previous night, after Bernadette had dragged him to the ship?

There had been a look of true concern in her eyes last night, after she realized he was hurt. Try as she might, she was falling for him and adamantly so, he was falling for her.

Girl could hold her own in a fight, played along with his flirting, and knew exactly what she wanted. And he couldn't overlook the fact she was very easy on the eyes. But he knew she only showed what she wanted the world to see, beneath the surface, there was much more to her. And he wanted to know everything. But he knew he had to tread carefully.

How deep could he look into last night's kiss? Did she mean it or was it simply to get him to sleep? Did he even dare to bring it up?

Killian pulled on a shirt, trying to ignore the pain in his back. At least it was better than last night. So Bernadette did know what she was doing.

He exited the cabin and looked around the deck. Shockingly, he saw Bernadette at the helm, intently watching the first mate steer the ship. He made his way to them, she noticed him when he stepped up.

"Look who decided to join us in the world of the living." She the tiniest of smiles on her face and her voice held a touch of concern.

"It was lonely in the cabin, I had to come back." He greeted her.

"So I don't have to ask if you are feeling better, that comment told me everything." She rolled her eyes. He dismissed the first mate and took hold of the wheel. "Are you up for the steery thing?" She asked.

"Steery thing? This wheel can take you wherever you want it to. Here let me show you." When she didn't move closer, he gently grabbed her arm and placed in front of the wheel. "Right is port while left is starboard. Just be gentle with her."

"How does one go back?" She asked quietly.

"About going back, last night…"

"Think nothing of it, you were hurt, I fixed you and we are done."

"You're cracking, love." He whispered in her ear.

Bernadette stepped away from the wheel and became to walk down to the deck. "I'm going to change clothes now because my cabin was occupied earlier. Any preference on what I wear because apparently I'm your woman now."

"Like you said, nothing of anything from last night." He responded.

"Good." She looked at him for just another moment before leaving him with his thoughts.

_What do you think?_


	16. The most inconvenient thing possible hap

I do not own Once Upon a Time, just the character of Bernadette.

Short chapter, but I think it speaks volumes.

Bernadette spent the rest of the day and night reading up books she found in the Captain's quarters about ships, even though she could have the real thing teach her everything. She knew they both had said not to dwell on the actions of last night, but that's all she thought about. Their bonding moments, fighting side by side and of course that kiss.

No, focus on the book, she had to learn how to steer a ship in case she killed Killian and the crew. And the way things were going, she might not have a choice.

Derek had not been right, Derek had not been right. She was not falling for Captain Killian Jones, she couldn't be. And there was no way he was falling for her. She was too broken and flawed to be loved.

Something caught her eye in the book she held in her hands. Port was left while starboard was right. Bernadette smiled, he made a mistake and she was going to be able to hold something over his head forever, or as long as she was on the ship.

Bernadette couldn't wait to bring up his mistake and she headed back to the deck. She found him away from the wheel, just staring at the ocean, lost in his own thoughts.

"You think you're so smart and brilliant, don't you?" She came up next to him.

"So you finally realized that, love? Took you long enough." He turned to her with his usual smirk.

"No, I am proving you wrong." She brought out the book and placed it right in front of his face. "Port is left while starboard is right. You told me the other way around." She actually let a real smile grow on her face.

"Sorry, but I am only human and I can occasionally can slip up on things."

"Admit it, I made you tongue tied." Bernadette took another step closer, almost daring him to agree with her, he had to say it before she did, or was forced to.

"I'll admit you make me tongue tied when you admit you're cracking, darling. That I'm breaking down your walls."

"You think you're getting to me, that I'm letting down my defense because of you? You really think there's something between us? You are imagining things."

He just stared at her and all of his bonds of restraint suddenly disappeared. "Am I, love?" He grabbed her neck and pulled her close. It was a rough kiss but it softened when she returned it. And there it was, the most inconvenient thing possible happened, there was a spark.

She was too shocked to pull back before he did, and stared up at him scared.

"I'm only imagining things if you are also, love." He whispered, she half expected him to smirk but he didn't, meaning he felt it too.

Unlike to think of something, anything to say, Bernadette simply removed his hand and walked back to the Captain's cabin, slamming the door behind her. What the hell was that? Why did he do that, and why she did not stop him? This was not the plan, this could only complicate matters. She couldn't fall in love, or have feelings for someone, they always left her. No matter what, she was always left alone when she began to care about someone. She was not good with relationships or feelings or friendships. 'I am better off alone, no one can hurt me.'

Allowing herself to feel anger and complete frustration in her behavior, she threw the book across the room. And another book, and a candle holder, and then the chair. Eventually she was throwing daggers into the wall, which was when the door opened.

"The ship did nothing to deserve this kind of treatment, lass." Killian pulled the knife out and closed the door. "Can we talk about what just happened?"

"There aren't words to express how I'm feeling right now, hence I am throwing things." She threw another dagger.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you are stunning when you're angry?" He attempted sweet talk, hoping it would stop the flying daggers and save his walls.

"Stunning? Well, Captain, I suggest you hold on because I am about to get gorgeous." Bernadette was about to flip the table over before Killian grabbed her arm and pushed her against it.

"What exactly has you all worked up?"

"It is not something I want to discuss with the person who has me all worked up, as you so nicely put it." She said, struggling to move away from him. After a few attempts, she actually gave up but did not look at him. "I am not good at this, whatever this is. I've made too many mistakes to even think about it happening to me."

Killian was silent and took a step back. "That's all I wanted to know, love." He went to a shelf and grabbed a bottle of rum. He opened it with his teeth and offered it to Bernadette, who with a shrug took it.

After one long sip, she handed it back to him and sat on the table. He took his own swig and just sat next to her.

"There was lack of judgment on my part and the person that I loved died in my arms." She took the bottle out of his hand and took another swig.


	17. You don't ask about him

_I do not own Once Upon a Time, sorry for the short chapter, the next scene is super long but it is going to be worth it._

The sun was setting two days after baring her soul to Killian, Bernadette found herself leaning over the railing, her fingers absent mindedly playing with her disc. She was far away in another world, another lifetime, with Benjamin. Her memories were as strong as they had been since she had lost him.

"Who was he, love?" Killian asked quietly, coming up next to her.

Bernadette actually jumped at his voice. She quickly stuck the chain under her shirt, hoping he would not notice. She finally turned to him, putting a confused look on her face. "Who was who? What are you talking about?"

"The man who broke your heart."

Bernadette could only stare at him and force herself not to show any emotion to him. "I don't want to talk about it." She shook her head.

"I think you should. He must have meant a lot to you if you still carry a piece of him around with you." He commented.

She grabbed his arm and pulled his sleeve up revealing his tattoo. "I don't ask about her, you don't ask about him. Are we clear?"

They locked eyes. He swore he saw her defenses fall right then and there. Why did they keep having moments like this, where they understood each other? He took her hand and squeezed it. "Crystal clear, love."

"Stop breaking down my walls, I already warned you that you will not like what you find behind them."

"I always like a challenge." He turned from her.

She kept staring at him, not knowing what to say, if anything "And he didn't break my heart, I broke his." Bernadette said quietly.


	18. Then make the images stop

I do not own Once Upon a time. Thank you for the likes and followers

Bernadette should have known it was about time her past caught up with her; it always seemed to be at the wrong time. And it this time, it hit her much harder than it ever had.

It was another land day for the crew, with the usual set up, she sat with them but across from Killian this time. She was still trying to keep her distance and her feelings under wraps. But of course her walls were falling, though she would never admit it.

Her hearing tuned out the crew and whatever they were talking about and she focused in on a conversation at the next table. And the words cut her to the bone. They were talking about a massacre they had carried out years ago.

Bernadette almost choked on her drink, there was no way possible it was same group that ruined her life. It was so long ago, they couldn't still be alive, and here of all places. Memories filled her mind faster than usual. The only way she could get away from memories was to avoid triggers and her own potion.

But she had to remain calm and collected. Her vision barely moved to the other table, to try to see if she recognized any of the men. To her shock, the largest man was basically a step out from her nightmare. She couldn't forget that face with its numerous scars and eyes that still seemed to terrify her.

Bernadette had to keep her distance and not draw attention to herself until Killian decided they all should leave. It shouldn't be that much longer; they had already been through a few rounds each.

Their conversation kept going, explaining every detail of the actions of long ago, the murders, the destruction, the house burnings, how one family was still inside and one little she devil that fought back.

She devil? That's what they called her? Well she had been called worst before. Bernadette had to control her breathing and calm herself. And according to him, the dagger shard was still in his arm, the one she had put in there when she had fought to get away.

Killian began to talk, but Bernadette did not hear the words. She couldn't even answer, just stared up at him, wide eye almost in terror. He noticed it and held out his hand to pull her out.

"Go on, I'll catch up." She had him the fakest smile she ever given in her life. To her surprise, he nodded and backed up. Bernadette stood up, pulled out her dagger and slowly walked to the table. But it was her lack of judgment that failed her. The man stood up and towered over her.

"Can I help you with something, darling?" He tilted his head to get a better look at her. "Wait, you look familiar…"

That made her move, the dagger hilt hit him in the face and then her leg shot out knock him to his knees. His group moved to help him, but his hand stopped them.

"You are her, aren't you? I could never forget those eyes." He slowly got to his feet and him dropped a heavy hand on her shoulder." He said, his breath was heavy on the ale.

"If you do not get your hand off of me, you will get a matching injury from the last one I gave you." She did not raise her voice.

"You grew into quite the spitfire, didn't you? I saw who you walked in with, you could better. Now how about I take you back to my crew and prove to them that the she demon does exist."

"Only if you have a death wish." She reached around and grabbed a crossbow from the table and pointed it at his chest.

"It seems you have a mission." He got back on his knees. "Go ahead, finish the job." He said. Bernadette's blinders went up and she saw the world through a tunnel. She saw only him and heard her own heart. Should she kill him? Could she kill him? She had never been out for revenge or to save others. She was just trying to stop the memories. But a small part of her wanted to end everything.

Then she heard a tiny voice calling her name from very far away. Time stood still. Before she was able to understand what was happening, the bandit stopped moving. Bernadette watched the light fade from his eyes. He fell over, an axe embedded in his back.

She dropped the crossbow and took a step backwards, almost tripping had not Killian caught her. "We need to leave, now. You caused a scene and I don't want to pay for clean up." He came back for her; she had hoped he would have. She didn't fully hear him and didn't object to being carried off.

When they got outside, she finally came to her senses and disentangled herself from Killian and walked to the ship alone. She knew he was close behind and wanted answers, answers she did not want to give now or ever.

She boarded the ship, only getting one question. "Where's the Captain?"

"He's coming." She answered. Killian came up behind her.

"Raise the anchor now. Bernadette had to cause a scene and we need to leave now." Before he could turn to ask her anything, she had already slammed the door to the captain's cabin, as an attempt to hide.

He entered to find her lying on the bed, chin in her hand, staring at the wall.

"If you think that I'm not going to ask questions, you are greatly mistaken. Either you start talking or I start with the questions, your choice." When she didn't answer, he asked. "Why did you have a crossbow at that man's throat?"

She didn't turn to him, but did answer in a small voice. "He was the one who torched my family's house while they were still inside."

"You made it out alive." He told her.

"While the rest of the village was slaughtered." She pointed out.

"Why didn't you take the shot? He murdered the people you cared about."

She finally sat up and looked at him. "And what would that accomplish, Killian? I am not seeking revenge. Killing him isn't going to change the past or bring my family back. I can't make it my life's mission and have it consume me. When I finally accomplished it, what purpose would life hold for me? I would have nothing."

"What are you seeking, love?" He asked quietly after her speech.

"Relief." She gulped a sudden sob down, knowing that there was more to come if she didn't do something about it. Bernadette finally got up and pulled a small vial from her bag.

He came up behind her. "What's that?" Killian asked.

"Something to help me forget."

He stopped her hand, holding it tight in his. "No, lass. You need your pain. It defines you, makes you who you are…"

"Killian, let go or I swear I will…" She almost pleaded. Her hand went to his chest to fight back.

He tilted her face up with his hook so he could stare into her teary eyes. "No, keep your pain; hide it deep down if you need. But have it fuel you at the right time."

Bernadette closed her eyes, to stop the tears from falling. The memories in her head were getting clearer and louder. Against her better judgment, she leaned forward to rest her head against his chest. "Then make the images stop. Killian, take my mind off my memories." She whispered.

"How should I do that, love?" He asked, almost certain where this was going. She said nothing but brought her face up to his and very lightly brushed her lips against his. He placed the vial on the table Her arms circled his neck and she pulled herself closer. It could have been so much more, but Killian seemed tentative about going forward.

He stopped her with a hand on her neck. "Not like this, lass." She pulled back slightly to look at him, confused and a little hurt. "You need time to get your thoughts in order. Don't look so sad, I'll be back and we can pick up where we left off." He removed her arms from his neck and took the vial from the table with him as he left the room.

Bernadette sat down on the bed, fully determined not to fall asleep. She had been able to cope in the past, simply by avoiding anything that might trigger a memory. But with her past thrust upon her, she could do nothing, including sleep. For her, sleep meant dreams and dreams meant going back home and experiencing the horror all over again.


	19. You're insufferable

I do not own One Upon a Time, enjoy their bonding moments.

She was trapped, there was fire and screaming. Bernadette saw people, people she hadn't seen in years. There were her parents, her brother, her adopted parents and siblings, and of course Benjamin. They were just out of reach. No matter how hard she tried to move closer to them, she couldn't.

So she screamed and cried, she hadn't had a dream this bad in years. That stupid pirate, when she woke up, she was going to kill him. She didn't care about the treasure or the crew.

The flames got closer and she had trouble breathing, and there was nothing she could do to get away, to save herself.

From some far off place, she heard her name. Bernadette assumed it was a family member trying to reach out to her. She slowly began to lose her grip on the dream as she realized the words being said between her name.

"Bernadette, lass, you need to wake up. It's only a dream, love." Her eyes finally snapped open and she stared right into two pools of blue. Killian sat in front of her on the bed, his hand gently holding her face.

She was in a cold sweat, despite the fire in her dream and her breath was coming out in gasps. Her voice was sore from screaming and her tears were flowing freely down her face. Before he could say anything, she threw herself into his lap, her face buried in his chest. His arm with the hook wrapped around her back while his good hand rested on the back of her head.

"You're safe now. I'm not going to let anything happen to you." He said quietly. In that moment, she fully believed him.

They sat in silence for a while, occasionally a whimper came from her, but she did calm down.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, a head shake from her. "Do you want me to leave?" Her head moved the slightest bit, he was almost unsure she even answered. No matter, he disentangled himself from her arms and walked away from the bed. She gave a death glare. "How can you look so angry after crying, lass? I am helping you. Legend has it that lighting a candle will chase the nightmares away." He lit one candle on the bedside table. Killian sat back down, expecting her to crawl back next to him, but she only took his hand this time. She still didn't speak. He held her hand, gently rubbing it with his thumb.

"Does the pain ever go away?" She finally spoke quietly. Her eyes rested on his tattoo.

He was quiet, deciding how to answer her, he looked up at her. "Time heals everything, love." There was the smallest trace of a smile on his face.

Unable to stay in the bed any longer, Bernadette stood up and began to pace the cabin. There were a million things going through her mind that she felt she had to get out, but she walked instead. She had no intent of baring her emotions for the pirate.

A sudden chill swept over her and she hugged her arms tight around herself. Without a single word, Killian dropped his leather coat on her shoulders. It was heavier than she thought it would be.

She finally looked at him, only one question in her eyes, "why?"

"I'll leave when you fall asleep." To her surprise, his voice was completely gentle, with no other motive behind it. But she still shook her head.

"I doubt that's going to happen tonight. You should leave anyway." She was shocked that she had a voice.

"Anything for you, love." Killian stood up, he seemed for brief moment to want to do something more, but thought better of it. He quietly left the room. There was nothing he could say, no "good night" or "sweet dreams".

Bernadette finally sat down in a chair, curling up and using the coat as a blanket. She spent the rest of the night staring at the wall, fighting to stay awake to keep the nightmares away.

Bernadette blinked her eyes a few times against the sun shining into the cabin. Had she been asleep or zoned out so far she didn't remember what she did last night? How many dreams did she have, there was more than one for sure.

First there was the fire and the family and friends she couldn't reach. That was brought on by the lack of tonic last night. The second dream was Killian comforting her after her nightmare. That had to be a dream, Killian was the opposite of comforting, so said every dirty remark that came out of his mouth. Then she realized what was over her shoulders.

She panicked and threw his heavy leather coat on the floor. So that wasn't a dream, he was here. She raked her brain to remember exactly what she had done last night.

She cursed loudly, she had thrown herself at him, and kissed him and held his hand. What had come over her? Was she really that broken that she turned to a pirate for comfort? What must he think of her now? No more tough bounty hunter, she had to be something weak that had to be protected. She would not and could not stand for that.

Bernadette got dressed, pants, shirt, vest, basically something she would normally wear. She combed her hair and pulled it into a knot. Before she walked out the door, she stared at the coat on the floor. Maybe she should give it back to Killian, but that would mean they would have to talk. But they had to talk about what happened last night anyway. Better do it now before he thought more of her throwing herself at him.

She opened the door of the cabin and stepped onto the deck. There were crew members everywhere, all busy with something. Maybe no one would notice her or the conversation she was going to have.

Killian was exactly where she expected him to be, at the helm. Bernadette walked up to him, half hoping she could return his coat, say a few words and be done with it.

"You should have this back." She held out the coat at arm's length. He looked at it then took it from her with his hook.

"Maybe you should keep it, it looked good on you." He said thoughtfully.

She shook her head. "No, it's yours. About last night, I don't want you to think anything of it… How I might have acted… strangely."

"Strangely? How?" He stopped the wheel to look at her intently.

"My actions were… brought on by stress, which you caused." She was having trouble forming the right words. Damn pirate and his blue eyes. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

He just watched her struggle with a smirk on his face. "Immensely. Seeing you speechless is quite enjoyable. Though I would rather make you speechless another way."

And there was the normal Killian, so very different from last night. "Bloody pirate." She said quietly, shaking her head.

"Refresh my memory on what happened last night? Did I do something to make you uncomfortable? I simply held you after your nightmare."

"You were in there when you were not welcomed. You were apparently expecting something and I …" She stopped, getting quite annoyed.

"I do believe you threw yourself at me, love."

"That is not what I said! Do not put words into my mouth!" She almost threw her hands up. She realized too late what she had said, a wicked smile formed on his face. "Shut up."

"You said it, not me."

"How did I walk into that? You took advantage of the situation!"

"Did I? I could have done so many other things besides hold your hand last night. But because like to consider myself a gentleman, I refrained."

"You are unbelievable!"

"Could you lower your voice, love, you're causing a scene." He asked quietly.

"And they're not used to someone yelling at you? Some woman you brought here for the night doesn't talk back?"

Actually the young lady is usually too tired and worn out to leave the cabin as early as you did."

Bernadette lifted her head skyward. "Gods above, help me."

"I can help." He took a few steps towards her, she retreated to avoid him. But Killian snagged her vest and pulled her against the wheel. "After last night's activities, I was hoping for something in return. There are two words I want to hear from you, lass."

"What are you talking about?" He was awfully close, she could hear her own heart beating, or that could be his, she wasn't sure.

"I was a proper gentleman, comforted you after your terrible dream, didn't ask questions when you just wanted silence. So there should be two simple words coming from you, if you want to consider yourself a proper young lady."

"But I am not a proper lady." Her voice had dropped.

"Now I don't believe that for a moment, guess you will just have to prove me wrong." He just stared down at her. "Two words, love." His finger went to her arm and slowly ran up and down the length; she felt it through her sleeve. She tried very hard not to gasp at his touch.

"Stop that." She asked quietly.

"Then say it, just thank me for being a gentleman. Or do you not want me to stop?" He brought his face close to hers.

All Bernadette could do was roll her eyes. "You think you're getting to me?"

"You're slowly cracking. Next time you have a nightmare, feel free to come and find me."

"I do have two words for you." She smiled the sweetest smile she would muster up at him. "You're insufferable." She whispered.


	20. That's not what your reaction said

**I do not own Once Upon a Time, enjoy. Thank you for all the followers!**

It was a week before they were ready enough to talk to each other; they kept going through stages when they talked and when they avoided the other. Bernadette stayed in the cabin; he had to come find her, as usual. Bernadette mixing up some potions when he came in and without a single word, started to take off his coat and shirt. She looked up at him, confused and speechless.

"Now that's the reaction that I am used to." He said with a smirk. "I was hoping you would play healer again. Just to make sure I'm back in ship shape." Now he was shirtless.

Bloody pirate. "Turn around." She found her voice and tried to remain calm. 'What was happening? Why did she have that reaction?

She walked up to him and rubbed her hands together to warm them up. "At least I don't get cold hands again." He observed.

"I don't have to check you out, you know." She touched his back, he didn't pull back in pain. That was a good sign.

"That's not what your reaction said, lass."

"Shut up. You seem to be healing very nicely. How is the range of motion? No pain or tenderness?" She asked, trying to be professional.

"No, no pain or tenderness, it feels normal. I just wanted you to take a look at it." He turned around to look down at her. Bernadette tried her hardest to focus on nothing but his face but that might have been a worst idea.

She did not want a repeat of the last time they were this close. And she got her wish when something hit the ship hard, sending her backwards almost off her feet. But, as it was expected, Killian caught her.

"Bloody hell, what was that? Are you alright?" He asked. When she nodded, he grabbed his shirt and sword before running to the deck. Bernadette needed moment to completely gather her thoughts, and then she grabbed a bow and quiver and followed Killian to the deck.

There was another ship, one dangerous close to the Jolly Roger and strange men on the deck. Instantly she knew what was happening. They were being boarded, but the crew was not going to let that happen. They were shooting the cannon and fighting tooth and nail to reclaim what was rightfully theirs.

She sprang into action, fighting was second nature to her. Bernadette desperately searched for Killian between each arrow, she wasn't sure he was up for all this action after his injury. The sounds were almost unbearable and too familiar for comfort. She did her best to block them out from her perch on a railing, shooting until she ran out of arrows. Then she jumped to the deck and resorted to her dagger.

Opposing crew members fell all around her, while the Jolly Roger's actual crew seemed to only be injured. She finally spotted Killian, sword fighting who she assumed was the captain of the opposing ship, what was with pirate captains and gaudy outfits?

Should she go over there and help, did she actually have his back like he has her during their fights? Were they at that point? What point were they at anyway?

He locked eyes with her across the deck and processed to drive his sword into the other man's chest. He fell over dead, blood on the sword as Killian pulled it out.

The sounds around the ship grew quieter, she knew the drill, take the head off of an organization and everything failed. In this case, there were dead bodies everywhere. Bernadette felt a sick fear in her stomach, but it was nothing compared to the fear she felt when she heard coming from Killian's mouth.

"No one steals from me, not my ship, not my crew, not my woman, and most importantly not my life. I have been around far too long and survived too much to be taken out by a worthless man who calls himself a pirate. Just because you have a ship and a crew, that does not make you a captain. I fight for whatever I want and I have yet to be bested by anyone." His voice was harsh and void of any emotion. And the look in his eyes, more than she could bear at the moment. So she kept her distance.

The crew began to throw the dead bodies off the side of the ship with no second thought or ceremony. Those who were injured saw to their own wounds, not needing her to work. She lowered her bow and turned away, trying to calm herself.

Killian had just unknowingly shown her his true nature, a blood thirsty pirate, ruthless, cunning and terrifying. She hadn't felt that kind of fear in years and wondered if he ever discovered that she was planning on using him for easy money, what her fate would be. Was it worth it, she was no use to Derek dead. Was crossing Killian Jones worth the risk?

He saw to his crew before going to stand next to her. "I am sorry you had to see that, lass." Killian said quietly.

"It doesn't matter." She was shocked she had a voice.

"Look at me." She didn't turn. His hook cupped her chin and brought it to meet his face. "You're scared."

"I don't know what fear is." She paused. "Now I understand how people saw me, after I… made the wrong choice. There was complete fear in their eyes, fear that I could never understand… until now."

"The only wrong choice is not making a choice. A person willing to fight for what they want, deserves what they get." He answered.

"What if you fight for the wrong thing?" She turned away.

Killian thought about what he was going to do next, trying to figure out the right response. He still had to tread carefully. What he decided on was putting his good arm around her, pulling her close. His lips rested on her head. "We all have a monster inside of us; only we can choose to let them win." He said it more to convince her, not himself.

Part of her wanted to pull away, she knew exactly where she was going to end up if she didn't pull away at the moment. But Bernadette did not move and she had to admit to herself only that he was breaking her walls.


	21. You're not making this easy for me

I do not own Once Upon a Time, just this storyline and Bernadette. Enjoy this chapter!

The sun had barely set that night when the crew that decided to celebrate their victory. They broke out the rum bottles and musical instruments. Bernadette found herself close enough to the festivities but face enough away to read her book in peace. She needed to keep her distance mostly so she won't do anything she would regret.

At least she thought she was far enough away. She was in the middle of a sentence when the book was gently pulled out of her hands. Bernadette pushed her lips together in annoyance and looked up.

"Are you going to spend the rest of the journey with your head in a book?" Killian asked.

"Well, you didn't give me many other options."

"I didn't, lass?" He had to smile with his comment.

"Correction, you gave me options but no reason." Fully expecting a dirty comment back, Bernadette was surprised to see Killian hold out his hand to her as some pirate began to play a slow melody. "You're joking, right?"

"No, I am not. I am simply giving you a reason. One dance, Bernadette, and then you can put your wall back up. But we both know that is not going to happen."

"Keep dreaming." He kept his hand out in front of her. She accepted his hand, knowing full well she shouldn't have.

"You know I will." He winked at her. Killian led her a few feet from where she sat and gently placed his hook on the small of her back. "Your other hand goes here, lass." He motioned to his shoulder, where she begrudgingly put it.

"You're acting like dancing is a normal occurrence for me. I don't know what I'm doing." She said uncomfortably.

"You're graceful with a weapon, but not with another person? I find that hard to believe that. Just follow my lead." He slowly began to lead her to the music. "You were right, two left feet." Killian commented a few minutes in.

She grinned and playful hit his shoulder. "I wasn't invited to many balls, at least not as a guest. There were always for business and not pleasure."

"And what is this for, business or pleasure, love?" He wanted to know.

"It's to shut you up." She commented back.

Silence fell between them; Bernadette tried her hardest to avoid his eyes, which was easy enough when she kept looking down at her feet. But eventually she felt comfortable enough to look up. Killian seemed like he wanted to say something, but she didn't want to hear it. She took her hand off his shoulder and placed it on his lips. "Don't talk." He just smiled and took his hook off her back only to spin her around once, twice then brought her right back close.

Bernadette had to smile and rested her head on his chest. For the first time in years, she felt at peace and all her problems were so far away.

"Now you seem like a natural, after you let go. Did you used to dance with him?"

"Yes, a very long time ago. Before… the world came crashing down."

"Would you like me to offer you a moment of peace?"

Unable to fight her feelings anymore, she responded to his question. "I think it is about time we picked things up from where we left off." She lifted her head up to meet his lips.

It was soft, exactly what she needed at the moment. Then she melted into him and he let go of her hand to pick her up in his arms. Without a word to the crew, he carried her into his cabin. That's where the softness ended.

She was placed back on her feet and she pushed him against the wall, hungry for something a bit rougher.

"Now this is what I had in mind." Killian was able to say when he took a breath.

"Don't ruin the moment." She quickly said.

"I don't plan on it, not at all." Then he was gentle again, hands on her waist as he walked towards the bed, leading her the whole way. "And the walls came tumbling down."

Hours later that night, Bernadette was semi awake in his arms, one finger gently running up and down his chest. He was still asleep; apparently she had tired him out.

"You're not making this easy for me." She said more to herself than him but sadly he heard it.

"Not making what easy, love?" He asked, sleep still in his voice.

Not willingly to be truthful, Bernadette played dumb. She slowly opened her eyes and her finger stopped. She tilted her head to look at him. "Is it morning already?" She asked, a sleepy smile crossed her face.

"It's still the night. Did you know you talk in your sleep?"

"Do I? What did I say?" She asked in a curious voice, knowing full well what she said.

"That I wasn't making something easy for you."

She sat up slightly, drawing the blanket around her and keeping her confusion on her face. "I don't even know what I was dreaming about. But you have broken down all my walls. I hope you're pleased with yourself." She commented slyly.

"I am very pleased; mind you it did take me a bit longer than I thought. When you close yourself up to the world and everyone, you are very hard to get through to. But…" He rolled on top of her, she smiled up at him. "When you open up, you are interesting…" His lips touched her forehead. "And beautiful…" Her cheek. "And capable…" Her other cheek. "And powerful.." Her nose. "And passionate…" Her chin. "And brilliant…" Her neck. "And brave…" His lips stopped and hovered over hers, they locked eyes. "Did I forget anything, love?"

Bernadette could have had him add a few more words that described her darker side, but decided to silence him by meeting his lips and pulling him down on her. The only think running through her mind was "I need a reason to leave."


	22. Then make sure I don't fall

**I do not own Once Upon a Time. Sorry for the delay, I wasn't exactly sure how to word this chapter.**

Bernadette's eyes fluttered open the next morning, after the best night's sleep she had gotten in years, and there were probably a few reasons for that. She allowed a smile to grow on her face. She rolled over to find Killian pulling on his clothes.

"Is this what pirates do, show a woman an amazing night and then leave her?" She asked.

"I am not going far; I have captain things to do. Get dressed and meet me on the deck." He leaned in to place a soft teasing kiss on her lips.

Killian left the cabin, Bernadette rolled back over in the bed, finally alone with her thoughts. The line between truth and lies had been blurred last night. She wasn't sure about her true feelings about Killian. He was just the first person to break down her walls, to even get to know her and not be afraid of her. Last night could just have been poor judgment. She even maybe felt she was moving past Benjamin, if that was possible. Her eyes found the chain and disc on the floor, it must have been thrown there at some point during their… activities. Should she put it back on, or did he no belong close to her anymore? What was she doing here?

The bottom line was that Bernadette knew she had gotten closer to seeing the treasure map and that's all that should matter. But somehow it didn't.

Would Derek be alright if she never came back? No! She sat up quickly. What was she thinking? She had to go back, he was family and they deserved a better life than doing other's dirty work.

Bernadette didn't feel the need to get up right away. Let Killian wait, that's what he got for his teasing kiss.

Part of her didn't know if Killian had shown his true feelings, or if it was just a game to him. Well, if it was, two could play at that game.

Now she got dressed, pulling a certain dress out of the closet. It had a lower neckline than what she would ever wear. She still had a part to play. After a better thought, she did slip the chain back around her neck, Bernadette was not ready to let go.

Bernadette exited the cabin and made her way to the wheel, ignoring the looks from the crew members. She sat herself on the railing and slyly smiled at Killian.

"You seem to have a fascination of sitting on everything expect chairs. That can't be safe." He observed.

"Then make sure I don't fall." She responded.

He let go of the wheel and stood in front of her, placing his arms on either side of her. His eye brow rose at her. "That is an interesting outfit."

"You noticed?" Bernadette tilted head to the side.

"I would notice any outfit you wore or didn't wear." He said. She only shook her head at his comment. Then his smile turned into a frown as he brought his hand up to her face. He had noticed the thin scar along her hairline. "Did you stitch this up also?"

"Yes, about a month before I came here."

"How did you get it?"

"I don't want to talk about it, it's in the past, and it doesn't matter." She looked up at him, almost hopeful for a future without pain.

His hand rested gently on her neck, playing with the chain. He locked eyes with her. "His name was Benjamin, wasn't it, love?"

At that, her hope disappeared. Bernadette turned her head and attempted to leave her seat. He stopped her with a firm hand on her shoulder.

"The crew must have…" She started to say.

"No, you talk in your sleep. But they confirmed what I already knew about you. But there is a question of why you did it."

"We needed the money; he was the victim of a love triangle. I tried to convince myself I did the right thing."

"Have you done that yet?" Her silence said everything. "One day, you will be able to let go, maybe you just need someone to help."

"You already broke down my walls, what more can you possibly do for me?" She asked.

"I can do so much for you, lass. And don't assume I just mean what I can do for you in the bedroom. You and I, we seem to have an understanding, we work well together, would you agree?"

"It doesn't matter if I agree. You think you see the good in me. There isn't any, or at least not enough to warrant much of anything." After that wonderful night, she basically got a lecture in the morning.

"There is good in you, you have survived so much for someone so young and you came out on top. Shouldn't that count for something?"

"I don't need someone to see the good in me. Killian, I need someone who sees the bad and still wants me. Can you do that?"

"Can you do the same for me?" He threw the question back at her.

"What have you done, exactly?" Bernadette asked, wondering if his actions were as bad as those she had done.

"Name it; chances are very good I have done it. Mind you, I am not proud of everything I have done, but some of them were necessary."

"Everything is necessary, it all depends on how one looks at it."

"You are much wiser than you think."

"As you said, I've survived so much, I must have learned a lot along the way."

"And there is still so much more to learn, out in the world."

"You forget that I have been out in the world and none of my experiences have been pleasant. I want a way out of the world, or at least more control to make life better." Bernadette stopped herself, she was revealing too much about her plan and herself. But seriously at this point, it didn't really matter.

"Then be a part of my world." He leaned his head against her forehead. "This could be your way out."

She didn't meet his eyes, scared that it would give her away. 'You are exactly that, Killian. You are my way out.' She said in her head.

**Someone having second thoughts...**


	23. Happy Is that too much to ask?

**I do not own Once Upon a Time, enjoy!**

Bernadette knew now was the real test, she had to stay focused and keep up the appearance of falling for Killian. But the problem was she actually had fallen from him, harder than she would even admit to herself. Their relationship would have to be solely based on who could stay on top. She only allowed a few moments between them for the rest of the day. Killian had other things than continue to flirt with her.

"What do you think of magic?" He asked, meeting her at the other end of the ship.

She felt that question came out of nowhere, like everything else he ever said. "I try my best to stay away from it. It's something that can fail you." Bernadette held up both of her fist. "Unlike these, these can never fail.

Killian looked at her oddly and holds up his hook. "Really? It can't?"

"Usually it doesn't." She playfully shoved him only to have him wrap an arm around her waist, pulling her into a long kiss.

"Getting a bit greedy there, aren't we Captain?" She smiled when he stopped.

"I call it making up for lost time." He paused before asking his question. "What about the Dark One, have you ever made a deal with him?"

"I ran into him once, never made a deal though. He never came off as the kind of person you want to get involved with." She was honest; Derek made the deal with him for the bracelets, not her. Bernadette had to force her eyes not to drop to her wrist.

"Knew you were a smart lass, if you ever run into him, stay away." He leaned in, letting his lips lightly touch her forehead.

"Giving me advice, so does this mean that I am your woman now?" She met his blue eyes, that are where the answer was. "Does that mean you are going to teach me things?"

"What are you interested in learning?" Killian pulled back, slightly scared at her request.

"The cannon." Yes, Bernadette had to pick the most dangerous weapon on the ship.

He looked at her strangely. "No, I do not feel comfortable teaching you that piece of equipment, you're dangerous enough as it is. Besides you need another sword lesson."

"You just want to get me on my back again, don't you?" She smiled up at him.

"I don't need a sword to do that. However, keeping you like that, well that's a different matter entirely." That remarked deserved a kiss, which he did not refused. "And there is a large difference between a cannon and a sword."

"What lesson are you suggesting then, besides one that involved pointy objects?"

"It's interesting when you throw remarks like that back at me. I like it."

"Like I said, two can play that game." She said.

"How about a lesson on knot tying, love?"

Bernadette's eye brows shot up, a bit shocked. "How is that any less dangerous than a cannon lesson?"

"It's something that's more useful than dangerous." He responded.

"Are you asking to be my practice?" She asked thoughtful.

"I'm counting on it." Another lingering kiss and it was almost a shock he didn't carry her back to his cabin at that very moment.

"Do you like your life, love?" Killian asked very randomly one afternoon later that week. Bernadette was taken aback by the question. No one had ever asked her that and she never really thought about it, she never thought she had much of a choice.

"I guess there are days I can complain and days where I can't. Never any middle days, sadly. It's not what I pictured for myself, never in a million years." He handed her a glass, already full with rum. "Thank you." This was their daily ritual, drinking and talking, more about her than him. Bernadette had already opened herself up enough already, what could spilling her secrets even more do to her. It's not like anything was going to leave his cabin, much less this ship. Plus she was going to get him to open up soon enough.

"Where did you think you were end up?" Killian asked, sitting down next to her.

"Happy. Is that too much to ask?"

"No, but circumstances never seem to agree with us and our fates usually lead us down paths we never had expected."

"Very insightful yet again Captain. You never crease to amaze me. How did you get on this path? How did you become a pirate?"

"How I became Hook?"

"No, unless it was the before the ship and everything it entitles."

"It was simple, I was abandoned by my father, a wanted man who couldn't have his son slowing him down as he avoided the law. I guess it's in my blood."

"So it's parental abandonment that drives us down very dark paths. What drives you? Is it the loot, the women, the adventure?"

"Revenge."

"That's it? For what?" He didn't answer, but his eyes feel to his right arm, to where his flesh was marked by the name of a past love. "It won't bring her back."

He sighed. "I know."

"Do you? Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

"I thought being insightful was my thing, love." He remarked.

"How long have you been holding on to this anger, how long have you been seeking revenge?"

"Three…" Killian started to say before Bernadette broke in.

"Three years, seems like an awfully long time. At some point, you have to let go and move on."

"Hundred. You didn't let me finish, lass." Killian was finally able to say.

"What?" Bernadette stared, unsure what she had just heard.

"Three hundred years. I lost Milah three hundred years ago." Bernadette blinked a few times before standing up to look down at him, a sense of shock and confusion washing over her.

"That's impossible… How old are you then, Killian?"

"Thirty two, technically." He answered simply.

"Plus three hundred, of course." She finally takes a drink. "And this works for you? You get women like this? Do they assume you know a lot and can offer them something no other man can?"

"Actually, you are the first woman I ever told that to. You're just that special." He stood up and took her hands in his. "I'm not the only one who can break down walls; you're quite good at it also. See how much you can learn about a person when you open up and let people in?"

Bloody pirate, comments like that usually led to more enjoyable activities. Like right now. But she was learning about him, maybe she could get him to open up more about Milah. And the need to get that treasure seemed even farther away than last time she thought about it.


	24. All you have to do is ask, love

**I do not own Once Upon a Time, just Bernadette and her storyline. Enjoy!**

Killian did open up even more, later that night, they were lying awake in the bed, cuddled together, facing the same wall. His breath on her ear, Bernadette's fingers gently touching his tattoo.

"What happened to her?" She asked quietly.

"I thought you weren't going to ask about her, love?" He asked, his voice suddenly very hard.

"You asked about him, I told you everything. It's your turn now." She didn't roll over to him. Maybe she was scared to see a hurt side of him.

"You really want to know?" He didn't wait for an answer; he just wanted to get it over with. "I met her, we fell in love. Those were the best years of my life. The she was killed, died right in my arms."

"And now you are seeking revenge from the man who killed her.

"Yes."

'Then we have something in common.' Bernadette thought and she finally rolled over. There was a single tear on his cheek. That was all the pirate captain would allow himself. She caught it on her finger tip. "What's this?"

"That is a memory." He answered, in a very far off voice.

Most women would seriously worry when a man comes towards her with rope. Bernadette was not most women and she knew it was just another lesson. The one he promised and the one he might regret teaching her. Killian dropped the rope on the floor and grabbed the end.

"I'm going to start you off with something easy, like a running bowline. Just watch." He quickly formed a loop and passed the rope through it a few times before finishing the knot. "Easy?" He pulled the knot out.

Bernadette shook her head but took the rope from him. "You were very fast with that, maybe you should go slower." She suggested.

Smiling, he stood behind her, and held the rope out in front of her. "Maybe you should pay closer attention this time."

She decided to stay quiet on all future comments, she wanted this lesson, and it was going to be useful. "I'm paying attention." She said.

"Of course you are." He guided her hands to complete the knot and quickly released it. "Now you on your own." To which she did, better than she thought she would.

"I'm a quick learner." She stated.

"That you are, let's try a harder one. This one is the double overhand." The lesson continued with a few more knots, he never left his spot. "I think that's enough for now, you should practice." He said, attempting to take a step back only to realize she had knotted his left wrist to the railing.

She didn't turn to him, fighting very hard not to smile. "I thought you were leaving, Captain?"

"When you start acting polite, I know I'm in trouble. And it would seem my lessons have already paid off." He spun her around see the fakest innocent look he had ever seen. "Innocent doesn't look good on you, love."

"Good, because it was really hard. Now you have to get out of it, if you want to leave and go back to whatever it was you were going to do." Bernadette said. Killian looked down at the knot around his wrist.

"You chose the right hand to detain me, love, impressive." His arms were still around her and pulled her close for a kiss as he began to free himself.

At least she kept him busy with that one kiss that turned into quite a few more, as the knot took a bit longer than he would have liked to undo. Not that he was complaining, she had opened up more than he thought she would have and she was much more complicated than he had originally thought.

When he finally had it undone, both arms went up her back and he held her tight. He finally pulled back, rested his forehead against hers and whispered, "You know this means I have to return the favor?"

Warm brown eyes met his cool blue ones. "I expected as much. I can handle it."

Bernadette almost forget she still had a patient to look after. Paul's arm was healing nicely and he had warmed up to her, as warm as one can with dealing with a bounty hunter.

"I never would have expected a bounty hunter such has yourself to have such gentle hands when it comes to healing someone." He commented.

"These hands can do more than kill and hurt a man, they can also heal him. It depends on the man what happens to him." She unwrapped the bandage around his arm, there were still scars from the stitches, but beyond that, it was as good as new.

"You could do better than the captain, you know. You deserve a good man." Paul commented quietly, unsure whether he should actually say that.

Bernadette actually laughed quietly. "No, I don't. I don't think I really deserve anyone, not after everything I have done. He's just the first person to accept my flaws and somehow understands me. Right now, this is fine for me."

"You can't believe all that, can you?"

"People like me don't deserve happy endings." She replied sadly.

Later that week Killian walked into his cabin to see Bernadette passed out on the couch, a book on the floor where it must have slipped from her hand. Was the book that boring? He tilted his head for a better look when an idea popped in his head. He did have to return that favor and seemed like the perfect time.

He tied a simple knot around her wrist and then around the arm of the couch. A very gently kiss was placed on her lips and her eyes fluttered open.

"Your books are boring." Bernadette said, going to rub her eyes, only to discover she could only move one arm. "What the…? Really, you think now is the right time for this?" Part of her was annoyed while the other part was amused.

"I might not get the opportunity if I wait anymore." He smiled his usual smirk and picked up the book. "And I have a question…" He pulled a small vial out of his pocket, her vial of sleeping potion that he had taken from her months ago. "What's in this?"

"Fairy dust and bluebells. Why?"

"I thought you didn't deal with magic."

"I strictly deal with fairy dust, it was a weekly thing. Do you have any idea how much it goes for on the black market. I sneak in, steal what I can in diamond or dust form and run out. Yes, I deal on the black market, I had a dealer and everything was good."

"What do people use it for?" Killian asked, curious.

"I didn't ask questions, I only use it to keep nightmares away." She continued to struggle with the rope. "But I haven't needed it since…" She bit her lip to stop the smile from forming on her face. But he knew exactly when she stopped needing it

"You're welcome, love. You were reading about other worlds? You could have just asked."

"Where have you been?" She stared at the knot to figure out how to free herself.

"Neverland."

She turned to him. "What was it like?"

"A bloody nightmare."

Her face fell. "Another world jumper said the same thing about Wonderland."

"How did he jump, what did he use as a portal?"

"Magic hat." She began to work on the knot now, fumbling a bit with it. "A little help here would be nice."

"I didn't get any help, why should I help you?" Killian asked, sitting down next to her.

"I kept you occupied, and quite well I might add." Bernadette stated.

"Who said I was trying to get free. You're right; you were very good at keeping me occupied. You're lucky I left you one hand this time."

"Well, just like you, I can do wonders with just one hand."

His signature smirk came across his face. "I'll keep you occupied. Why are you so interested in other world?"

"I want to see other places, other worlds. This world is maybe getting too small or just too unfriendly for me. I need someone to get me anywhere but here." She paused, realizing what she had said. He leaned in close to her one hand on her wrist, pulling the already unknotted rope off.

"All you have to do it ask, love. Upon first meeting you, I never would have pictured this."

"What did you picture then?" She stood up, her eyes never leaving his.

"That you were temperamental and stubborn among other things."

"I am those things, but you have to admit, I'm worth it."

He stood up in front of her, leaning his forehead against hers. "Yes you are worth it, very much."

She stared back, not feeling flawed and broken for the first time in years.


	25. Soft Spot for Sharp Pointy Objects

**I do not own Once Upon a Time.**

Bernadette found herself at the wheel, alone. So Killian trusted her enough to let her steer. But did that mean he really trusted her? She knew he never left her there for long, he always came back.  
They now didn't even use words to greet each other, it was a look, a smile, and a kiss. Today he came up behind her, she ignored him and waited for him to make a move, which he always did. One hand rested on her waist, his hook gently pulled her hair away from her neck, where placed a few soft kisses. Bernadette bit her lip to stop the smile from spreading on her face.

"You know, you're not as good as you think you are at that?" She said quietly.

"Well then, love, I'll have to try harder." He placed a few more.

"Where are we heading?" She asked, tuning to see him out of the corner of her eye.

"Three notches, starboard." He whispered leaving three little kisses on her neck, each one slightly more left than the previous one.

"Are you trying to mess me up?

"Mess you up, I would never. You're much smarter than that. Besides, I think it's time for another sword lesson."

"Do you not notice, but I am busy at the moment."

"Battles don't wait for someone to not be busy. You have to be ready at all times." His sword slid out of his belt and handed it to her. She rolled her eyes but took it. He grabbed another sword and raised it, ready to battle. Bernadette did the same, but Killian shook his head. "Your form is terrible."

"That's not what you said last night." She shot back.

"Actually I wasn't saying much of anything last night." He didn't bother to tell her what was wrong, instead he actually moved her into a better position.

And the fight began, it was slower than last time with helpful tips given to her. Bernadette was grateful for the change in pace and a real lesson. It was limited to the helm, as opposed to the entire ship. She had improved a lot in such a short amount of time, and she was quite proud of herself.

Or at least she thought she had improved until Killian picked up his pace and her sword went flying to the deck below. Bernadette leaned against railing as his sword was placed very gently on her neck.

"The good news is you stayed on your feet this time, don't look so angry." The sword went away and he took her hand. "Maybe you can best me next time."

"Maybe, but don't forget I don't need a sword to take you down."

"No need to remind me of that, lass." Killian walked down the stairs to the lower deck. Bernadette saw a bola and smiled to herself before picking it up and using. He fell on his face and rolled over to see her walking down to him. 'Was it that sad the crew was used to their usual sometimes violent banter?' "I said you didn't have to remind me."

"The weapon looked lonely and unused." She sat on top of him, leaning in close. "I hope you didn't fall too hard, wouldn't want to mess up this face."

"Will you untie me and let me get up?" He asked.

"Only if you ask nicely." Bernadette told him, smiling down at him.

He returned her smile with his signature one and gently grabbed the back of her neck, pulling her close until their lips were mere inches apart. "Please." And their lips did not touch, much to her dismay.

She rolled her eyes, but did cut the rope and got off of him. Killian got to his feet and went to grab her arm. But she was not having it, not right now. He was going to have to wait or fight very hard to get anything from her.

Bernadette now actually felt comfortable staring at him, with or without him noticing. She felt she could learn more without him thinking he still had to work to break down her walls. Something she discovered was a key he wore around his neck on a long string, Bernadette was very interested to see where it went. And now, she knew what she had to do to get it, things seemed to be easier when she just gave in to her feelings, or at least made it look like she did.

She found him in his cabin or their cabin, as she had begun to call it. He was leaning over a map, very intent on studying it. Bernadette walked up to him, and without saying a word, took his face in her hands and gave him a very teasing kiss. He responded by pulling her closer and answering her request. His arms encircled her, holding her tight, occasionally running up and down her back. Soon, very soon, she was going to have to remind him to be careful with that hook of his. It tended to leave marks. Her own hands went right to the knot at the base of his neck and began to work to get undone.

The kissing part seemed to come easy, and it felt like it meant something, not the feeling she had thought was possible for her anymore. She had to keep him distracted long enough to undo the knot and slip her hands down to his chest to grasp the key in her hands.

Finally she pulled back for air and was met with a warm but confused look on his face.

"What was that for, lass?"

"I need a reason to kiss you?" She asked back, trying to look hurt.

"Sometimes, you are very tricky." He titled his head to the side to look at her, one eye brow higher than the other.

"You think you know me so well, don't you?" She took a step back, removing herself from his arms. "Maybe you're right though." She held up the string, the key dangling at his eye level. She even let a smug smile cross her face.

"That doesn't belong to you." He said pointing to the key.

"I know. What are you going to do about it?" She asked, shrugging.

"Give it back."

"No." Plain and simple answer.

"You are aware I am not afraid to be rough with you, love?" He asked.

"I'm counting on it, actually." She smiled seductively at him, further backing up. He followed her until she had backed herself into a wall. But that was her plan. "If you want the key back, you are going to have to fight for it." She said.

"I don't want to fight you, love, you scare me too much."

"Then do whatever you need to do to get it back."

"Whatever I need to do? Those are very dangerous words." Killian said, standing so close they were breathing the same air. His hand grabbed her wrist, the one whose hand was holding the key and brought it up, pinning it against the wall over her head, then used his hook to do the same with her other wrist. His lips then briefly touched hers before moving to her neck.

Bernadette closed her eyes and tried her best not to sign or moan. But she did both, and she whispered a question. "What does the key open?"

"The one in your hand or would you prefer something else?" He asked, meeting her eyes with a very seductive glance.

"This one, however we can hold off any enjoyable activities until later. You're not going to satisfy my curiosity, Killian?" She almost pouted at him.

"Satisfy your curiosity? We can save that for later, if you're a good girl."

"I am always good." She brought her face closer to his, only for him to pull back, teasingly. Then his look turned serious.

"You really want to know?" She nodded. Without another word, he grabbed the key out of her hand, picked her up and threw her over his shoulder.

"No, no, what the hell are you doing? Put me down!" She started to yell. "This is ridiculous."

"You asked to see where the key goes, you were quite passionate about finding out, I might add."

"This had better be worth it." Bernadette said under her breath.

He carried her down further below deck, they finally stopped in front of a huge door, which he unlocked and he walked inside.  
Killian set Bernadette back on her feet, she looked around and had to catch her breath.

"Your ship has an armory? " She almost couldn't get the words out. Her eyes couldn't get enough and she kept spinning around to see everything. Swords, daggers and knives of all shapes, styles and sizes covered most of the walls. There were bows beyond count and enough arrows to win numerous battles. Bernadette had never seen so many weapons in one place at one time, even when she snuck into a castle."Wow." She breathed.

"Some would say stunning, love." He had his usual overconfident smile on his face.

"Most women go wide eyed over jewelry, when I have a soft spot for sharp pointy objects." Bernadette picked up a dagger to get a better look at it.

"Yes, I am well aware of that fact." Killian laughed and was next to her instantly. He picked up another dagger from a higher shelf and handed it to her ceremoniously. It was simple and plain but when he turned it in the light, there was a beautiful pattern engraved into it. "It's like you, you only show the real you when someone shines a light on you." He whispered.

She just looked up at him, trying to find the right words to say, her eyes said everyone she could not. There was hope, trust, even love. And maybe she could let go of the past.

Bernadette pulled a certain dagger from her belt, the one that started her downfall, the one that held so many powerful memories, the one that still had deep blood stains from a lost love. She placed it on a shelf, finally letting go of the painful past. Killian only watched curiously but thankfully did not ask any questions. She took the dagger from his hands and stuck in her belt, a replacement, something better and without bad memories and loss.


	26. Would you consider settling down here?

I do not own Once Upon a Time

'How long was this story?' The sun had been low when Killian had launched into some adventure story and now it was fully beaming into the cabin. Bernadette rested her head on her hand as she sat on the worn couch. Maybe curling up next to him wasn't the best idea.

Before she knew it, her head completely slipped and hit his shoulder, quite hard.

"Are my tales boring you, love? Every other woman held on to every word." He asked trying to seem a little annoyed.

"Yes, you are boring me. I thought we established the fact that I am nothing like the previous women."

"Very true, diamond in the rough."

"And your usual stories of high seas adventure don't impress me. And do you want to know why?"

"Do tell, love."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but all the women you picked up were the same. Young, stuck in a boing uneventful life controlled by their father or their husband. They are doe eyed little twits who dream of adventure and romance and far off lands. Women who actually know nothing of the world."

"You seem very observant."

"It's my job. I, on the other hand," She then climbed into his lap, placing her legs on either side of him, and staring deep into his blue eyes with her brown ones. "I am not tied down by anything. I have complete freedom to go and do anything I want. I know my way around the world and people don't mess with me, usually."

"So stories of adventure do nothing for you?"

"Exactly." She leaned in a placed a soft kiss on his lips.

"What about stories of a stable life?"

"Could you do that?" She looked at him wide eyed.

"I can try. Picture this." He pulled her close and whispered in her ear. "Farm house, lots of animals, a few children running around, onlyworrying about the weather, good income…"

She didn't mean to, but a sigh escaped her lips. That was more than she usually dreamed for. "Does that appeal to you?" Bernadette asked.

"My heart lies with the seas." He answered. "I feel lost on dry land. What about you?"

"I like going where the wind takes me. Maybe one day I'll settle down."

"Would you consider settling down here?"

Her eyes widened and she leaned back to stare at him. Was she hearing him right? Was the infamous Captain Hook asking her to stay with him? Had she gotten to his heart, had he gotten to hers?  
He wasn't sure how to take her silence. "If you need time to think about it, we still have a week before we come to land.

A whole week to decide if she wanted to change her life completely. She needed a sign before she made her choice. Would Derek be alright without her, would he understand? Was this her happy ending?

Bernadette decided it was time to buy herself something when the crew went into town. And what she meant by buying something was stealing a handful of coins from the cabin. She stunk off from the group and headed to the nearest shop. Instantly, something caught her eye.

It was the color first, a pale green, then came the rest of the details. It was a long trench coat, sleeveless, but it had a hood and it hung to about her knees. There was lacing up the back as an added detail and it closed with a wide ornate clasp across her stomach.

She quickly purchased it and left the shop, shoving it in to a bag. Killian wouldn't be seeing it just yet. She didn't even join him at the tavern and headed back to the ship for some much needed alone time, free of lessons and a certain pirate. At least she was now able to think straight.

What the hell was she doing here? Her initial plan was to trick an entire pirate crew and grab the treasure for herself. But that bloody pirate with his ocean blue eyes that made her forget she even had a plan. He had broken down every wall she had ever put up and maybe, just maybe opened her up to love.

Was she moving past Benjamin finally? Was she in love or still playing a part? The only thing that would set her straight was a clear sign that she needed to leave.

Bernadette pulled on the jacket and gave herself a hard look in the mirror. She couldn't deny that she looked very good, it cinched her right where she wanted but it was still loose enough to move. She grabbed her sword and headed to the deck for some practice.

Using the mast as an opponent, she took stabs at it, high and low cuts, her coat swirled around. She was quite proud of herself.

Then her sword hit actual metal and Bernadette looked to see her blade crossed with Killian's. How had he come back on the ship without her knowing? She would have to get back up to par on that skill soon.

"You didn't come join us, love. I got worried." Killian said.

"I don't have to be connected to you at all time. I want some practice without an audience." He raised his eye brow at her when he noticed the coat. "And I went shopping." She added.

"Where did you get the money for that?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "You bought me a gift."

"Did I now?" He took her hand and spun her around to admire the coat. "I have very good taste."

"Never doubted that." She smiled but noticed the slight shocked look on his face. "What's wrong?"

"You're not wearing it." His hand rested on her neck, where he would normally play with the chain.

"It's still close, but I feel I need to move on." She quietly said.

"Wise choice for you, if you are ready." He put his hand into his coat to pull out a necklace, the chain was short and the diamond hung quite low. "Turn around." He whispered, a small memory entered her mind, but she quickly pushed it out. She did listen to him, for once. The cold chain touched her skin and she almost gasped.

"I thought jewelry didn't impress you, love?"

"You impress me, sometimes."

"Only sometimes?" He turned her around to stare at her. "That looks very beautiful on you. Are you sure you're ready, love?"

"Yes" Bernadette answered him before pulling him down for a deep kiss.


	27. Don't do anything I would do then

**Sorry for the wait, wasn't sure what to do next with them. Hope this works before stuff goes down.** ** Thank you to a good friend for the cliché in the fight.**

* * *

Bernadette woke up in bed very early one morning with Killian gently running his hook up and down her arm.

"You need to watch what you do with that hook; I'll be covered with scars." She muttered, still sleepy.

"You mean more than I already left, I have seen your back, you know love?" He was, unlike her, completely awake. "What about that scar on your leg, how did you get that one?"

That made her turn to face him, pulling the sheet tight around her. "If I tell you, will you promise not to laugh?"

"I would never laugh at you, lass."

"Well, I was running away from fairies after a fairy dust raid, they are a lot smarter than they look. And this branch came up and tripped me, sending me tumbling down a hill. Hence the massive scar."

"Never would have thought you were clumsy. Or that you would be bested by a branch." He fought back a smile.

She played mad as she jumped on top of him. "I am never clumsy; the branch came out of nowhere."

"Just keep telling yourself that, love." He touched her cheek. "You have no idea how glad I am to finally have my cabin and my bed back. Sleeping on the deck or in some other cabin was dreadful."

"You just could have asked for it back, you know." Bernadette told him.

"No, now that would not be very gentlemanly of me, and I am nothing less than a gentleman."

"You gentle? I think not." She said playfully.

"I take that as a challenge then." He gently pulled her closer and left a few light kisses on her lips. She involuntarily closed her eyes and just let him do whatever, but she wanted a bit more. He stopped and pulled back to see the satisfied look on her face.

"Correction then, I don't really like gentle." She was surprised she had a voice.

"That I am well aware of." Bernadette caught the amused look in his eye as he flipped her over and began to gently bite her ear.

There was a knock at the door to ruin the moment all together. "Yes?" Killian said, quite angry. The door opened and some crew member stood in the doorway.

"Captain, you are needed on the deck." He said, slightly turning white at the sight he was greeted with.

Bernadette smiled sadly up at him. "Go, I'll meet you up there." She gently started to push him off.

He placed a kiss on her forehead. "Until next time, love." He got off the bed and got dressed before heading out the door

For the first time, she didn't stay in bed. She really thought this was the life for her, it was perfect. She wasn't on the run, she didn't have to kill or worry about putting food on the table and she was loved, as she finally admitted it. If she didn't get a sign soon, Bernadette would make up her mind and stay.

* * *

The following day was a land day and Bernadette took Killian up on his offer to show her the town. She felt they needed to do something normal, on dry land. She even got dressed up, slightly at least, but that did not mean she left her weapons on the ship. Bernadette was with a pirate, she couldn't be defenseless or weaponless.

The crew went to their usual place while Killian took her farther down the street, into the nicest section of town. Bernadette scanned the street, slightly worried.

"Are you a wanted man in this area?" She whispered.

"I'm a wanted man everywhere. Don't worry, there's nothing we can't handle." His arm went around her, pulling her close and placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Stop it, Captain, you'll make every woman here wish they were me." She said jokingly.

"They should be jealous. If any man here wishes to be by your side, well he's insane and has no idea what you're capable of."

Bernadette had to smile, knowing full well he was right. They continued to walk down the street, passing all kinds of shops, some they stopped in front of so they could glance at the products inside.

They finally went inside one shop, it specialized in all kinds of herbs. Bernadette felt all her knowledge coming back to her. A memory of a happier time swept over her. Killian noticed a small group of men a few yards from the entrance, men he obviously knew.

"Wait here, I need to talk to someone. Don't buy the whole store."

"With what money would I buy the whole store?" She asked innocently, getting a closer look at a sample of bluebells.

"The full coin sack you stole off me. You're not as a good as you think you are, love." He whispered in her ear, he smiled at her, but she could tell whoever he was going to talk to, it might not end well.

He turned, but she grabbed his arm. "Don't do anything stupid."

"Me, I would never do anything stupid." He put his hand to his chest in mock guilt.

"Don't do anything I would do then."

"Never." He whispered before walking out of the shop. He went right to the group of men and greeted them as old friends, but she noticed his hand never left his sword.

She walked around the shop, examining everything. Eventually the clerk came up to her. "Is there something I could help you with today, miss?"

She turned on her brightest fakest smile. "No, I am just looking."

"What's a pretty thing like you doing with a cut throat scoundrel like him? I bet I could show you a better time." Now he came on stronger than Bernadette's liking. She pressed her lips together in annoyance. And the clerk kept going. "You know what this is, it's aphrodisiac." He held up a piece of asafoetida.

Bernadette responded in a similar matter. She grabbed a branch of nightshade and held it right to his chest. "Do you know what this is? It's nightshade, the most deadly poison known. If I were to stab you in the heart, it would mean instant death. Now get rid of that pretty little thing image."

"Is something wrong here?" Came a new voice. Bernadette turned around to see a young man standing behind her. Someone who looked vaguely familiar. Bernadette couldn't put her finger on where she had seen him before, but she couldn't deny the almost sick feeling in her gut.

"Bernadette…" He said her name and everything came back to her.

"Richard…" Her adopted brother had grown up so much since the last time she had seen him, and the amount of years was more than she cared to count.

"We need to talk, now." He said. Partially scared, she nodded and followed him out of the shop. They sat down at a table farthest away from the crowd. She still wasn't comfortable around people. It still felt like all eyes were on her, all wanting something or judging her. Bernadette sat there, tapping her fingers on the table almost impatiently. Her other hand rested on her waist, on her dagger to be exact. It calmed her down and made feel more confident.

"We heard about Benjamin, how could you? What were you thinking?" Richard was more angry than disappointed.

"I wasn't exactly hiding the fact." She shrugged her shoulders.

"But you stopped talking to us and become someone totally different." He threw at her.

I don't want to talk about it, Richard. You weren't there; you have no idea what I was going through at the time." She even answered back harshly. Wasn't the whole point of the past few weeks, months, years even, to move on from the past and here was right in her face.

Thankfully Killian came back to the table, done with his meeting. He carried two large mugs of ale in his hand. He stopped short when he noticed the man at the table. "Is there a problem here, lad?" He asked.

Richard looked at the pirate, then turned back to Bernadette. "Him, really?" He asked, shocked.

"Richard, this is Captain Killian Jones. Killian, this is my adopted brother Richard." Bernadette formally introduced them, already regretting it.

"Pleasure to meet a member of the family." Killian put the drinks down to extend a hand to Richard, who did not take it.

"You mean Captain Hook, I heard about him. Nothing was good. Really, you're sleeping with him?" Richard shook his head.

"Always nice to have make an impression." Killian said more to himself than the group. He took his hand back and sat down across from her.

"Is it that obvious?" Bernadette rolled her eyes.

"Yes, it is." Richard looked hard at her. He then got up, ready to leave. "I'll pass it on to my parents."

She just nodded and turned to her drink, which she drank like her life depended on it.

"I'm sorry for that, love. You shouldn't still be haunted by your past." Killian touched her hand.

She set the mug down. "What would your parents think of you if they were to see you now? Would they be proud or disappointed?"

"If they knew the rest of the story and my reasons behind my choices, I think they would understand it." He answered.

"How did your meeting go with your friends?" She asked, changing the topic.

"Well, I didn't do anything you would do. However, you don't seem to follow your own advice. Threating the clerk with nightshade?" Killian shook his head before turning to his drink.

"He was getting too … personal with me. I had to put him in his place." Bernadette gave him a half smile.

"You have no idea how good you are at that." He answered back. She smiled at him and leaned across the table to kiss him. Their moment was interrupted by a man in a royal guard uniform coming to the table.

"Captain Jones, I am shocked you still show your face in public, after what happened last time. I hate to break up this tender moment, but you are under arrest for breaking at least fifty laws in a single day."

"Are you expecting me to come quietly? Because I can tell you now, that is not happening." Killian said, his voice low and harsh.

"Fine, we can do it your way, Jones." The man drew his sword but it was not he Killian was looking at; it was the dozen soldiers behind him. Of course, captains never do the dirty work.

Killian just continued to sit there causally, letting the fight come to him, and when they reached him, he was ready. And Bernadette, as always, sprang into action besides him.

Her daggers were ready. "You take the left, I take the right?" She said.

"Whatever works for you, love. I do highly suggest against taking the first fallen sword. Your skills leave much to be desired."

And the fighting began, causing the entire square to empty quickly.

"What did you do?" Bernadette yelled, pulling a dagger out of a soldier's stomach.

"Could be a number of things, just take your pick."

"Bloody pirate. You need to stop making such wonderful friends." They unexpectedly turned from their fighting, crossing their mismatched blades.

"We make a good team, don't we?" Killian said.

"I thought we established that facts already." Bernadette replied, smiled slightly.

"Don't you worry, I have your back, no matter what happens." He locked eyes with her for a moment before they went back to back to continue their fight. She flipped a bench over, knocking a man to the ground so she could kick him in the head, he went out cold.

Bernadette stayed very focused on the fight and didn't notice anything else, which was not in her best interest.

The guards kept coming, did they have an unlimited supply or something? But they just continued to fight, it was their way. Sword and daggers slashing, they even resorted to punches being thrown.

"I think now is our opportunity to leave." She couldn't agree more with him. One more slash from him before he hooked her belt to pull her away. And they ran in the direction of the tavern where the crew had entered. They felt it was far enough away and ducked behind a pile of crates. They sat down to catch their breath.

"That was not how I pictured showing you the town, love." His breath returned to normal before hers did and he stood up

"Next time, Captain. Help me up." Bernadette held out her hands to him. He took both of them in his one and pulled only to see her face twist in pain.

Bernadette, what is it?" He asked, suddenly very concerned. He never used her name before. Her hand went to her side and when she pulled it back, it was covered in blood. Her eyes turned up to him in fear and shock. Then she blacked out.

* * *

**So I finally got her hurt, and the tables get turned now. Are they the perfect couple? Even though they are not going to stay together for much comment in the reviews section. Even though they are not going to stay together for much longer.**


	28. I said I was going to take care of you

**I do not own Once Upon a Time**

Bernadette came to in the most pain she had ever felt in her life. There was something being poured on her and it burned like a thousand suns. She bolted up in the bed and her fist went flying, making contact with Killian's face.

"I thought we were past wanting to kill me, lass." He said, rubbing his chin.

"Sorry, that's the normal reaction to being in pain." She tried to sit up, but he pushed her back down on the bed. Pain shot through her body.

"What's the last thing you remember?" He asked, hand on her shoulder looking into her face.

She shook her head, trying to piece together what she remembered. "You were going to show me the town… I threatened someone… I ran into Richard… then there was a fight… and…" Bernadette stopped talking and her eyes went to her side. Her corset was gone and her shirt was torn, exposing her whole stomach.

Honestly the wound looked worse than it felt, and that wasn't saying much. Bernadette's previous wounds had never been this bad, ever. There was a long gash that seemed to cross her entire side. At least the bleeding stopped.

"I started to clean it…" Killian began to say, still rubbing his chin.

"I can feel that." She tried to sit up again, her actions were stopped again.

"Stop moving." He ordered. Maybe she should stop, it only caused more pain. "Let me take care of you…"

"You don't need to…" She tried talking him out of being a gentleman with her. But he cut her off.

"Yes, I do! It's my fault you got hurt!" He raised his voice, suddenly very angry and guilty. Bernadette just looked at him, slightly scared, what had she done to him? "This needs to be sown up. Thread and needle, right?" He said, daring to leave the bed.

Her eyes widened at him, now pure fear filled her face. "What?! You are not sewing me up! You have no training. I can sew myself up." She grabbed his arm to stop him.

"This is my ship, I make the demands…"

"Look who's getting all high and mighty now." Bernadette said, half-jokingly, her hands up in mock surrender.

"Will you be quiet for once in your life? I will not have you die because I wasn't able to…" He started to say before stopping himself.

"This wasn't you fault, Killian. Look, the cut isn't that bad. It doesn't need to be stitched up." She dropped her voice and lied to him.

"Really? Even though it bled so much, caused you so much pain and looks bloody awful?" He asked, confused.

"Yes, it didn't cut my stomach or anything important. It will heal on its own." She smiled at him, trying to hide the pain running through her body. "I just need something to cover it with."

He nodded, believing her lie. He got up from the bed to grab a few cloths lying on the table.

"Do I have the Captain's permission to sit up now?" She asked.

"Only if you are slow and careful." He came back to the bed and helped her sit up in the bed. "Now what?"

"This will go all the way around me." She instructed him. He leaned in close and very skillfully with one hand wrapped it around her. When he pulled back, she held his flask at eye level. "You need to pay better attention, Killian." She brought it to her lips only to drink concealing her pain.

"You should sleep this off, alone." He turned to leave, but she stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Stay, please. Don't leave me." Her voice barely above a whisper. For a moment he didn't move, didn't even meet her eyes. Bernadette wasn't going to take no for an answer and pulled him next to her in the bed. She curled up next to him and closed her eyes. Killian only carefully wrapped his arm around her, closing his own eyes.

* * *

Bernadette only slept a few hours, she couldn't let her wound get any worse. She knew better than to let anyone else stitch her up, much less a pirate. She looked over at Killian, he was peacefully sleeping next to her, his arm barely touching her.

She carefully got up from the bed, doing her best to stop herself from screaming in pain. He still had the needle and thread on the table, along with a bottle of rum. She took the bottle first, drinking all of it, knowing she was going to have to dull the pain somehow. Then she threaded the needle and began to stitch the wound up. It was bigger than she thought, but not as deep, of that she was glad.

When she was nearing the last few stitches, she heard a noise from the bed. "Please tell me that you are not doing what I think you're doing." Killian asked, his voice between anger and annoyance.

"It doesn't matter now, I'm …" She knotted the thread off and cut it with a dagger. "Done."

"I said I was going to take care of you, why don't you listen to me?"

"I'm used to doing things myself." She didn't turn around.

"You shouldn't have to, love." There was movement behind her and she turned to see him standing in front of her. He gently rested his forehead against hers. "Why do I feel like we are back to square one? We worked so hard to open up to each other and this is how you repay me?"

"I'm sorry."

"Well that's a start. But is that all my help is worth to you? A simple sorry? " He gently touched his lips and looked at her with his blue eyes.

She gave him a small smile. "I don't remember being this annoying when you got hurt."

"Well, you did kiss me last time, though if I remember correctly, it was only to drug me. You suddenly find this annoying? Should I make this less annoying?"

"Killian, don't start something you can't finish. Besides the fact, I don't think I'm up for much right now."

"I'll settle for something more than a simple sorry, love."

She gently touched his cheek where she punched him. "Thank you for offering to help me and I'm sorry for this." Before he could argue with her, Bernadette pushed her lips against his just for a moment. Or at least that's what she had planned, the rum was kicking in.

Her arms went around his neck, pulling him closer. He wrapped his own arm around her waist, which sadly was the wrong thing to do. Bernadette gasped in pain and pulled back.

"I'm sorry, you should get back to bed." He whispered and picked her up to place her on the bed, then crawled in next to her.

They actually slept through the night with no more pain.

* * *

She was confined to bed for a week to heal up and it annoyed her to no end. As helpful as Killian was, Bernadette needed to be able to get up and walk around. But whenever she attempted it, he always appeared and escorted her back to the bed, making empty promises of how to keep her there.

"If this annoys you so much, just tie me up why don't you?" After about the tenth time.

"Don't tempt me." A devilish smile crossed his face.

"But that's my job and I do it so well." She matched his smile with her own. Then she sighed, the cabin fever setting. "How much longer do I have to stay here, Killian?"

"Depends on how the cut is healing up." She pulled her shirt up; there hadn't been a bandage on it for a day, allowing for the wound to breathe. Her side was almost as good as new.

"Happy now?" She titled her head at him. He gently touched it, she did not pull back.

"Yes." He replied.

"Good." Bernadette repositioned herself on his lap and drew him close. "Thank you." She whispered, leaving soft kisses on his neck.

"I like your idea of gratitude, love." She let him push her down on the bed, and for once was not wishing for a reason to leave.

That night Bernadette got her now unneeded sign in a dream.

She saw the scene play out, but was not a part of it, no one paid attention to her. She saw Derek and some woman who Bernadette instantly distrusted. There was no sound and Bernadette was forced to watch the strangest sight ever. The woman plunged her hand into Derek's chest and pulled out his heart.

At that, Bernadette bolted up in bed, clutching her own heart. Her breathing was coming out in gasps.

"What happened?" Killian was already sitting up next to her, a dagger in his hand, poised to fight. She didn't move or answer, too shaken to do anything. "Love, it was only a dream. Lay back down." He had his hand on her shoulder. She shook him off.

"I need air…" She pulled herself out of bed and wrapped her shawl around her shoulders before leaving the cabin.

Out on the deck, Bernadette paced the length over and over. She knew it was not just a dream, it was too real. And he had said the bracelets were to keep an eye on each other. She didn't have enough experience with magic, but Bernadette knew she had witnessed Derek actually getting his heart ripped out.

Bernadette covered her mouth to silence her sobbing. She knew she had failed him, he was all she cared about in this world and they were supposed to protect each other. Maybe if she had been there, he wouldn't have a need to be with that evil woman. Slowly, she composed herself. Her breathing was finally back to normal and she was able to stop pacing. Now she had to understand and plan her next move. She stood still and grasped the rail so she could think straight.

Suddenly, warmth wrapped around her when a heavy coat was placed on her shoulders.

"You'll catch your death out here wearing just that nightgown." Killian commented. "Now are you going to tell me what scared you so much you left bed?" He leaned on the railing next to her.

"That's depends, what do you know about hearts?" She didn't look at him.

"A heart is something inside all of us that can make us both weak and strong."

"No, I mean a real heart." She brought her hand up, curling it to indicate holding an object in it. They locked eyes and she knew there was pain in Killian's past.

"Only soulless monsters rip people's hearts out to crush them." He answered.

"And if the heart isn't crushed?" She asked.

"You don't take a heart if not to destroy someone, love."

Silence fell over them; she continued to stare at him, knowing in that moment what she had to do. She didn't have a choice.

"What? You look terrified." He said, wondering what got her like this.

"Nothing, just hold me." She swallowed hard and pulling herself into his arms, which he wrapped protectively around her.

And her mother's last words rang in her head. Sometime you have to sacrifice those you love in order to have a better life.

* * *

**Might have based the kiss on elements from Hook and Emma's kiss. Now it's back to business as usual. The walls are going back up.**


	29. If I was a pirate

**I do not own Once Upon a Time.**

Bernadette left bed very early the next morning and spend the day in the armory, just pacing. She had to remember what her plan was in the first place when she came onto the ship. To take out some frustration, she began to throw knives at the wall, hoping to improve her aim and focus on her task.

It was simple, get a good look at the treasure map, get to the treasure before the crew did, move said treasure to a safe location then leave the ship and Killian behind.

Leave Killian behind, why did he have to make things complicated? Not that she did anything to stop it. It was hopeful, he had offered her a new life, the one thing she desperately wanted and needed in her life. But she had a family back home, family she couldn't leave behind.

Bernadette finally sat down on the floor, closing her eyes. It was her way to calm herself. Her hands rested on her knees, palms up. Her breathing was even, coming in through her nose, out through her mouth.

She had to let Derek fill her mind; push Killian out of her mind and heart. She had to listen to her head and not her heart. Of course she had to fall in love with a job and that messed things up in her life, again. This is why she swore off love and believed she was capable of love and being loved.

The door opened and she heard familiar footsteps and could picture the confused look on his face.

"What are you doing, lass?" She didn't open her eyes.

"Honing my listening skills. You going to close the door? All I hear is an argument brewing up on the deck."

"There is?" He asked, wondering how she knew that.

"I have amazing listening skills."

"Do you now?" She heard him get closer and sat down next to her. A cold hook touched her chin to turn it to him.

"You want a lesson, you taught me so much, let me return the favor." She opened her eyes finally.

"I would rather you return the favor in a different way, you know that." He winked at her.

She smiled back and moved in front of him. "Your form is terrible." Bernadette moved his hand to his knee. "Close your eyes and listen." He did as he was told. "What do you hear?"

"You." He answered smartly. She rolled her eyes. "There is an argument upstairs, it's ending though. What do you hear?"

"A school a fish, a gently breeze outside, my own heart…" She began.

"What about my heart, can you hear that?"

She pulled herself closer, her nose almost touching his. "Of course, I think I'm the only one who can."

"That you are." He gently grabbed the back of her neck, pushing her lips onto his, she eagerly retuned it. Even though she was fully planning on leaving, she had to keep up the act. And she was going to enjoy every moment of it before she broke his heart and hers also.

* * *

She waited for Killian to leave bed the following morning before she jumped out and began to almost franticly search the room for the map. But she did not forget to lock the door. Bernadette did not need him walking in on her and discovering everything.

She didn't even bother being neat about it, papers and books went flying. "If I was a pirate, where would I put a map?' She asked herself. Her first idea was it was on him, but she knew that wasn't true, from personal experience.

A desk drawer was pulled open and right on top was a map. Bernadette prayed it was the map she needed and not just one Killian kept from a past hunt. It looked like a normal map but what interested her was the seal from the maker of the map. She didn't recognize it from of all her studies. Bernadette had to admit to herself that she needed help figuring this out.

She pulled out a bottle of fairy dust and a blank piece of paper, the dust then got poured on the seal. Bernadette gently blew on the dust; it flew up and landed on the paper, a perfect copy. She smiled to herself, knowing she was closer to her goal. The paper then got shoved down her shirt. Now just to keep Killian away.

Bernadette returned the map to the drawer and closed it just as she heard the door knob move. Panic rose in her and she quickly grabbed a book and sat herself on the desk. The door opened a second later, Killian had thrown himself at it and it opened. Note to self- the lock on the captain's cabin don't really work.

"Locking the door? For what reason, love?" Killian asked, staring at her confused. "And you're sitting on the table, again."

"I wanted to catch up on my reading." She smiled at him. "You are a huge distraction, you are aware of that, right?"

"You're not much better." Then he noticed the mess. "Did we do this?"

Bernadette looked around the room, yes that was perfect excuse and very possible. "We must have. We were really getting into it and not paying attention to any. You can clean up the mess."

"What are you going to do?" Killian asked.

"I'm going to finish my book." She smiled sweetly, getting off the table and heading to the door. He stopped her with a hand around her arm.

"Don't get too lost in it; we are making port in two hours."

Port, two hours, enough time for her to get the information she needed. And move to the next stage of her plan.

**Thoughts? And Bernadette is going back to her bounty hunter ways. **


	30. I'll stay if you want me to

**I do not own Once Upon a Time. Yes, I'm on a roll here and enjoying this very much.**

* * *

The ship pulled into port a little under two hours later, as usual the crew headed to the nearest tavern. Bernadette decided this time she was going to tell Killian she was planned to spilt off from the group. He quickly kissed her, whispering in her ear not to do anything stupid. She smiled and promised she would. The paper was still down her shirt; thankfully she was able to keep Killian away for the time being.

Bernadette entered the first merchant's shop she saw, thinking that might be the best place for information. Merchants know everything about maps and where things come from and gossip. The shop was small and cramped with things from all over the kingdoms. The thief in her was figuring out the worth of everything she saw.

There was a noise from the back room and a young woman wearing too much makeup and showing too much skin walked out. Bernadette tried very hard not to make a face, she was not a fan of women like her, but deep down Bernadette knew if she hadn't developed a skill, she would have ended up the same way. The merchant finally walked out and noticed her.

"Good afternoon, lass, what can I help you with this fine day?" He was overly friendly and business like.

Bernadette placed the piece of paper down on the table. "I need information on this."

His eyes widened. "You sound like you have map with this seal in your possession."

"I will get my hands on one very soon. Now what can you tell me?"

"This is the signature of Captain Edward the flight master, he had a crazy idea that one day man will fly. He was a genius, but everything he ever wrote was backwards."

"Backwards?"

"The map you will have in your possession is backwards. North is south, east is west."

"Is this information common knowledge?"

"Only a select few know."

"Thank you, you have been most helpful." Bernadette reached down for the paper, but the merchant's hand closed around her wrist.

"Lass, you think I would give out valuable information freely?"

She rolled her eyes, she should have known something like this was going to come up. "What do you want as payment?"

"I just a piece of the treasure. A fifty-fifty spilt."

"Sixty forty." She countered.

"And one night with you."

Her eyebrows rose, disgusted. The wheels in her mind were turning and her old ways came back to her. Bernadette smiled and titled her head. "You drive a hard bargain, but I accept." He let go of her hand only to hold it for her to shake. She took it, a leering smile grew on his face.

"I knew you were a smart woman." Her grip tightened and instantly he knew he had made a terrible mistake. A dagger came out of her belt and was skillfully lodged in his neck.

"I am sharing the treasure, but not with you." She said quietly as she watched the light fade from his eyes. He fell over the table.

Bernadette pulled the dagger out and wiped it on her skirt. It was dirty work that she really didn't like doing, but it was something she had to do. That treasure belonged, if belonged was the right world, to her and Derek. They had plans for it, plans for a better life. It was all they ever wanted.

She exited the shop as quietly as she had entered and found the woman standing outside.

"Say anything and I will find you and trust me, that is the last thing you want." Her eyes softened for a moment and she handed her a small pouch of coins. "Go make something better for your life." And finally Bernadette walked away, towards the nearest tavern.

All the usual noises came to her ears, a welcome sight, maybe there was something here to make her move past her most recent action. She spotted Killian at a table surrounded by his very rowdy crew. And of course many empty mugs.

But she wasn't the only one who saw Killian. Some barmaid had set her eyes on him and was brazenly walking towards the table. He only briefly glanced up at her as she walked. But a firm hand on her arm stopped her. Bernadette leaned in and whispered.

"Not someone you want to get involved with. Besides the fact, he's taken." The girl actually squeaked before walked quite quickly in the other direction.

Bernadette finally reached the table and Killian pulled her into his lap. "I didn't know you cared so much." He whispered in her ear.

"You are so above little twits." She leaned forward to grab his mug, half way filled with ale.

"I thought I was going to have out a search party for you, you were gone so long." He commented.

"You're a very funny pirate, Killian. You aren't hard to find. Just look for the nearest place that serves drinks." She placed a kiss on his temple. He turned back to the table and noticed the blood on her skirt. He raised his eye brow at her.

She rolled her eyes. "You should see the other man. He underestimated me and thought I was easy." That was the truth.

"What if one day I underestimated you? What would you do to me?"

"Would you ever be that stupid? Although I wouldn't want to ruin this face. So I would have to think of something else."

She pulled him in for another kiss. He pulled back and smiled.

"I think you can see the map now, love."

She had to force her face to remain controlled, and not act like her whole world rested on the map. "So I did enough to see it, I moved up enough now?"

"Almost, I have some activities planned when we get back to the ship." His usual seductive smile slid over his face.

"Do you now?" She asked, returning his smile. And she had to remind herself she was leaving all this behind, getting back to Derek and moving on with her life

* * *

Bernadette cuddled closer to Killian, much later that night, both of them were slightly out of breath. But that was the plan, that and seeing the full map.

"That was…" Killian started to say.

"Amazing? Wonderful? Beautiful?" Bernadette tried to help with words.

"Those just describe you, love." He pulled her close to place a kiss on the top of her head. She began to tap her fingers on his chest, almost impatiently. "Do you have any idea how worn out I am right now?"

"That's what I'm waiting for, you promised me something, Killian."

"Oh, you mean the map. That would involve you letting go of me and me leaving the bed to get it."

She begrudgingly detach her arms from him and watched him go to the desk, opening the same drawer she had earlier to remove the map. He came back to bed and sat next to her. Bernadette sat up, wrapping herself with the sheet.

"Here is the treasure map that is the answer to our prayers. The treasure they say is more amazing than anything in the world. Although those eyes haven't seen you, but that is their loss."

She playfully hit him as he held the map out in front of her. It looked like an ordinary map, with landmarks such as forests and rivers. Bernadette had to remind herself it was all backwards.

"How are you getting to the treasure site?" She asked, she needed to know if Killian knew the secret the map hid.

"We are going to land here, at the south of the island, then walk one hundred paces west until we get to the bend in the river. At that point, we turn north and go a mere fifty paces before stopping right here. Right there, love, is where the treasure is buried." He traced the journey with his hook on the paper while mirroring it on her bare back with his finger.

West was still west, north was still north, so Killian didn't know the truth. This worked in Bernadette's favor.

"Could you show me that again?" She asked quietly.

"If you answer my question, are you going to take me up on my offer? About staying here after we find the treasure."

Bernadette didn't try to him, she couldn't look him in the eyes. "I thought about it, I have to turn you down. I am just going to take my share and get back home." She felt she had to be semi truthful with him, though part of her didn't want him to wake up one morning in an empty bed.

Killian's face fell and he cupped her face with his hand, turning her face to meet his. And the guilt set in, she had to save herself and altered her answer.

"Killian, I'll stay if you want me to."

"I would like nothing more than to have you stay, love." He gently placed a kiss on her nose.

But Bernadette knew full well after he discovered what she planned, he wouldn't want her around.


	31. But she was unwilling to take it

**I do not own Once Upon a time. Thank you for the follows and the likes. Enjoy this very long chapter, warning Bernadette goes over board on the rum, says more than she should and things get quite steamy.**

* * *

Bernadette tossed and turned in the empty bed, was guilt really settling in? She saw the map, Killian was clearly unaware that it was backwards, now came the easy part. Sneaking off the ship, getting to the treasure, moving said treasure to a safe location and getting back without anyone knowing. Only she would think that was the easy part. Tricking and lying to someone she lo… cared about was one of the hardest thing she ever had to do. No, don't say the L word, she had never been in love with Killian, it was an act, all just part of the plan, a plan she carried out too well. Whatever feeling she might have had now were buried deep in order to be undone.

There was no way she was going to sleep tonight, so no point in staying the bed alone. Bernadette got dressed in a simple shirt and skirt, pulled on a coat and headed to the deck.

Killian was at the helm, the deck was completely empty. It was a perfectly clear night, every star was shining over them.

"How do you know where you're going?" She asking, coming up next to him. He turned to her.

"The stars can guide us to anywhere we want to go. Come here, let me show you." He pulled her close, titling her head up to the stars. "That is the north star, no matter where you in the world, it never moves. Then the constellations can also guide and tell stories from legends. You already know that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west."

"I should have known asking one simple question would lead to a lesson." She snuggled close to him.

"Can't have you being lost, not anymore at least. I'm guessing you couldn't sleep." He observed.

"No, I couldn't. The bed was too empty."

"Legend says that the reason you can't sleep it's because you're awake in someone else's dream."

"You know a lot of legends, Captain." She pulled herself out of his arms to sit on the railing, mostly just to be able to stare at him. Was she in Derek's dream, was he waiting for her to come and save him? "You're awake."

He left the wheel to stand in front of her, gently resting his forehead against hers. "Or at least I think I'm awake. There's something wrong, what is it?"

"What are you talking about?" She asked. Was she that readable now?

"I see you building your walls back up. Breaking them down was hard enough the first time."

"Nothing, I'm fine." She shrugged her shoulders.

"Lass, I know you well enough to realize when you're getting ready to protect yourself." He lifted one eye brow to study her, waiting for an answer.

"It's just… I'm homesick or landsick, whatever you want to call it. I need more…" That was part of the truth. She was itching to go home, to Derek, and to put all this pirate nonsense behind her.

"I can give up the ship, the crew and we can find a place to settle down, together. We can lead that normal stable life that you want."

Bernadette jerked back to stare at him. "What? You would do that? For me?" Her voice was caught in her throat.

"Does that surprise you? I wasn't always a ruthless pirate, you know? I have a heart and it does care for you."

She stared at him, tears glazing over her eyes. No one had ever promised her so much. Be willingly to turn their life around for her. And all she planned to do was stab him in the back. Perfection was within her gasp and she was unwilling to take it. She had been right, people like her never deserved happy endings.

Bernadette stood without another word and began to walk back to the cabin.

"I'll be there in a few minutes." He called after her. She didn't seem to hear him.

She entered the cabin and went straight for his rum stash. Bernadette was fully prepared to drink enough to completely let it guide her actions, even though she knew she was going to fully regret it. She knocked her head back and drank, ignoring the burn in her throat. It took her at least five minutes to empty the bottle, almost ready for another one. Which she did start drinking, slower this time. Her mind already was spinning, she had to lean against the table for support. She quickly removed her jacket, was it already feeling very warm in the cabin?

Killian entered the cabin to see her sitting on the desk, casually spinning an empty bottle. "Taking hard to the rum, are you love?" He asked, trying not to let concern enter his voice.

"Yes I am, Captain." She smiled at him, beckoning him closer with it. She held up the second bottle to him. "Care to join me?"

For a moment he didn't move. "You're calling me Captain, makes me feel like I'm in trouble."

"You're only in trouble if you stay over there." She answered. When he still didn't move, she groaned and pushed herself off the table. But that action only made her tumble to the floor.

He was immediately next to her, picking her up. He set her back up against the table, pressed harder than he intended against her. She sat herself back on the table, skillfully trapping him between her legs. Her hands played with his hair, his was protectively on her waist.

"Was drinking all this necessary? And I do not need to drink, I think I can get quite drunk just by kissing you." He told her.

"In that case…" Bernadette grabbed the collar of his coat, pulling him as close as she could. This action also involved lifted herself off the table. This was not gentle like their first kiss, this was almost fighting for dominance, full of need and want. It was desperate. His hand went to the back of her neck, the cold touch of his rings made her gasp. She almost wished she could say his hook was gently resting on her waist, but was not. It was making full contact with her bare skin, most likely leaving more cuts. Her own hands moved under his vest, fingernails digging into his shoulders.

He put her back on her feet and pulled her back to look at her, making sure this was real. "Is there any reason for all the drinking? Though I do quite like this side of you."

"Killian, I want …one more good time with you before…" She almost couldn't form words. One of her fingers was tracing up and down his chest.

"Before what, love?" He asked. That was rum was already affecting him also. He knew for a fact either of them would remember this in the morning.

"Before I leave you." She leaned forward, biting his lip.

"Why would you do something like that?" He inquired.

"I have my reasons, just leave it at that, please." Her forehead resting against his, she refused to meet his eyes. She seemed to have broken down slightly, come down off her high. It was a request, a plea to shut up and let the rum take over.

"And that would be the rum talking." Killian commented, going down for her neck.

"Just keep telling yourself that. Now do me a favor and use that hook for something besides tearing into my side."

She felt his smirk and then heard the rip of her shirt. Bernadette pushed his coat off his shoulders, it landed on the floor next to her ripped shirt. It was time to push him back, which she did to meet his confused yet amused eyes. She slowly walked towards him, causing him to back up until he was pushed against the wall.

"You have to be in control all the time, don't you, love?" He said as he frantically searched for her lips.

"Of course and you love every moment of it." She whispered into his neck.

"Until the time comes that I don't. And I feel the need to take over." His hand snaked around her, and efficiently flipped her to the wall. She stared up at him, almost dumb founded. His cold hook was trailing around her neck, and shoulders. How times had changed.

They locked eyes and they knew they were going to get exactly what they wanted that night.

* * *

The first thing Bernadette felt the next morning was the splitting pain coming from her head. And her sudden hate for light and sound of all kinds. She rolled over in the head, burying her head further into the pillows to escape and find some peace. Killian, however had other plans.

"Welcome back to the world of the living. You slept through the night and most of the day."

"Shut up, and if you dare open a curtain, I will kill you." She lifted her head slightly from the pillow so he could hear her.

"I knew you couldn't really hold your rum. You were… interesting to say the least last night."

"What pray tell did I do?"

"For starters, you did say you were leaving me." His hand rested gently on her shoulder.

She silently cursed to herself, but she could easily pass that off. "How much rum did I drink?" She muttered into the pillow, he understood what she was asking though.

"Much more than you should have. I don't suggest doing that again. Roll over." He could picture her rolling her eyes before doing as he asked. Her eyes were more blood shot than he would have though. Not to mention the marks on her neck, but she had returned the favor with a few on his, so no complaints there.

"I assume I look horrible, don't I? While you look… devilishly handsome as usually." She stated.

"No, you look very satisfied and very beautiful. Only you could pull this look off." He took her hand to place a gentle kiss on her knuckles.

"That's not the only thing I can pull off." There was still a slight bit of rum affecting her, she could still say things like that. Bernadette pulled herself into a sitting position and began to massage her head, trying to stop the pain. All she could feel was Killian's eyes on her. "Can I help you with something? Stop looking at me like that, I over did it on the rum and started saying things I didn't mean. Are you seriously telling me you never did anything stupid while drunk?" Her defenses went up.

"Then I looked too far into it last night, I'm sorry." Killian placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head. "We reached the island, want to see?" He stood up and handed her one of his shirts. Before taking it, he noticed her face froze for a moment. She blinked and pulled it over her head. He held out his hand, she took it and they walked to the window.

"It's so close, I can almost feel the treasure." Killian whispered into her ear. "There will be a celebration tonight, that obviously means rum."

"Which I will be staying away from, we don't want a repeat of last night." She stated.

"We don't?" He turned her around and pushing her against the window. "Are you sure?"

"I don't think you could handle it again." She smiled up at him.

"No, I know for a fact, you couldn't handle." He smirked before leaving a very deep and teasing kiss on her lips. He pulled back quickly and exited the cabin.

Bernadette stood there for a moment before shaking her head. Stupid bloody pirate, had to make her life complicated. Now she had to put her plan into action. She pulled on a simple dress and flat shoes. Bernadette went to her bag and began to take out certain vials, one to put the entire crew under a deep sleep and one for herself to counter act it or any other poisons she might run into. "Here's to business." She whispered to herself and knocked her head. It tasted horrible but she didn't have a choice. Bernadette then headed below deck to the crew's rum stash to pour the other vial into.

* * *

Lucky for her, there was only one very large barrel to be taken up to deck later. Bernadette opened the vial and poured all its contents in. There was small flash of light, she knew it was going to work perfectly. She knew everything was going to go according to plan.

"What are you doing?" Came a voice from the stairs. Bernadette froze, terrified for the first time in a long time. When was the last time she got caught? She quickly shoved the vial down her shirt and turned around to see a very confused Killian.

"Do you have to sneak up on me?" She put her hands on her hips and let a smile slide onto her lips.

"It's amusing to catch you in the act. And you need to answer my question, love." He crossed his arms across his chest.

"I was checking the rum supply. And wondering how much there will be without me drinking any of it." She lied.

He walked up to her, ignoring something called personal space. His hook touched her chin, bringing it up so their eyes could meet. "I am not going to let a drop of rum touch your lips tonight."

Bernadette nodded and noticed for the first time, there was the slightest hint of distrust in his blue eyes.

* * *

**Thoughts? Does she play the part right? Betrayal is coming up!**


	32. I'm simply standing in the rain with you

**I do not own Once Upon a Time. Enjoy!**

* * *

Everything was going according to plan. The crew was celebrating; there was rum, and music. Killian shockingly pulled her up for a dance, but she noticed he steered away from drinking. She was going to have to fix that soon. No matter how gentle he tried to make his eyes seem, Killian couldn't hide a nagging thought that kept running through his mind.

Something had changed between them, suddenly they didn't really know the other person. But they held onto a memory for as long as they could.

The night went on, crew members began to fall asleep, and Bernadette led Killian back to their cabin, making sure to grab a mug of rum. She had to make sure he was going to be out cold all night.

"No, I said you were not drinking tonight, love. And neither am I." He tried to take the mug from her hand after them entered the cabin.

"One sip, Killian, that's it. Nothing bad is going to happen." She reassured him. One sip, then kiss him. That was all she needed to do. Bernadette pushed him on the bed, landing on top of him. She took that one sip and very gently kissed him. It reminded her of their first kiss, funny that this would be their last one. His eyes closed and his breathing slowed to a peaceful pace. "It's nothing personal." She whispered, letting her lips brush his forehead.

She changed into comfortable clothes, grabbed her sack along with the map and left the cabin. Bernadette silently entered the deck and quickly went to the edge of the ship to a life boat. One last longing look to the cabin she just left was all her allowed herself. She lowered it into the water with a gentle splash and climbed the ladder down to it.

Bernadette had to admit she was grateful they had not yet sailed around to the south side of the island. She rowed as fast as she could, not fully sure how much time she had. The boat ran into the shore and she got out, holding a lantern up to be able to read the map. One hundred paces west, or east rather, until she reached the bend in the river. Bernadette started walking.

Ninety eight… ninety nine… one hundred. And sure enough there was the bend in the river. It all seemed too easy, much like her last experience with a body of water. No, stop thinking about the past, she mentally scolded herself. Now it was time to turn south, or north. North? Which way was north? Bernadette found herself looking skywards, and found the north star. Her eyes unexpectedly glazed over when she realized why she knew where to look.

_No, Bernadette focus, you are so close. You can't afford to mess up now. Derek needs you_.

She turned north and counted the fifty paces in her head. Then she stopped and paused. She couldn't have really expected to see a large X on the group, that would have been stupid. Bernadette pulled a small vial of fairy dust out of her sack and poured a small amount into her hand and threw it on the ground.

The dirt at her feet disappeared and there was a chest there, not as large as she had hoped but it was something. There wasn't even a lock on it, apparently the previous owner was completely self-assured that no one would find it. Bernadette got down on her knees and opened the lid.

"Hello beautiful." She whispered to its contents. In all honesty, beautiful was an understatement. It was mostly filled with gold coins, along with a few loose jewels and pieces of jewelry. But it was enough, more than enough for her and Derek to start over.

Betraying Killian was worth this, that's all she had to keep telling herself. Now where to hide this treasure so she could find it later? Bernadette heard rushing water behind her and turned around to see a waterfall. It was perfect spot to hide the treasure. She closed the lid and dragged the chest to the water's edge. Now what would be the least obvious spot? There were a few trees with roots that stood tall off the forest floor, tall enough to fit the chest in. It was perfect, Bernadette did just that then covered all the roots with large branches she found, just in case.

Now it was time to go back and wait for him to discover his precious map was wrong and he was not going to get any treasure. Bernadette raced through the forest, careful to retrace her steps. She reached the boat and jumped in; a rush of energy was running through her body, that and the sun was beginning to rise on the horizon. Or at least it was trying to, there were storm clouds trying to overpower it.

Bernadette reached the Jolly Roger and climbed the ladder, landing softly on the deck. No one had woken up yet, thankfully. She almost bolted into the captain's cabin, making sure to close the door quietly behind her. Then she realized her deepest fear had not come true, the one involving finding Killian wide awake, waiting for her, and expecting an explanation.

But no, he was still sound asleep in bed. Bernadette undressed and pulled on one of his shirts before crawling into bed next to him. Not five seconds after she curled next to him did his hand snake around her, pulling her under him. She held her breath, waiting for something.

"That was the best night's sleep I have had in… years. No nightmares or dreams at all. Is this what you crave every night?" He said into her neck, feeling her visibly exhale. "Are you feeling alright?" He asked, concern in his voice.

"I just had nightmares all night. Just hold me, please." Bernadette whispered. Against his better judgment, he pulled her close, both of them listening to the rain outside.

* * *

Hours later, Killian found himself alone on the deck, standing in the pouring rain. He didn't remember the last time he was confused over a woman. One that was capable of besting him at his own game, what was he supposed to do now? He still wasn't sure if she was telling the truth, that she was planning on leaving him. She did seem emotionally distant from him, then yesterday he was very sure she was drugging the rum. It was his dreamless sleep that confirmed she had drugged him, again. But it wasn't to make sure he slept this time. She was planning something.

Suddenly, the woman in question appeared next him, the hood of her coat pulled up against the rain.

"I thought we were all going after the treasure today?" Bernadette asked, a question look crossing her face.

"Not in this weather, there's better weather coming tomorrow, I know." He told her, not turning to her, didn't wanting to be put back under her spell of her brown eyes.

Bernadette nodded and moved the hood off her head, letting the rain soak her face and hair through. She turned her face skywards.

Killian now turned to her. "Are you crying?" He asked almost shocked.

"No, I'm simply standing in the rain with you." She didn't look at him.

They stood in silence for a little while longer, just watching the waves.

"We need to get out of this rain, you're catch your death." Killian finally said, taking her hand and leading her back to their cabin.

Once inside, the silence continued. They dried themselves off and found themselves in opposite corners of the cabin. Killian was sitting on a chair sharpening his sword. Bernadette was fully siting on his desk with a book she seemed to be completely engrossed in.

They went all day like this, going about their business never uttering a word to each other. There was nothing to talk about that wouldn't break them.

"Bernadette…" He started to say finally, she looked up at him, worried. "No matter what happens, I'm sorry."

She gave him the saddest smile she ever gave anyone. "Killian, you're smarter than I give you credit for. Don't be sorry for anything."

He crossed the distance between them and his hand touched her cheek. "But I am sorry." He gave her the gentlest kiss he had ever given any woman and that's all it took. He pulled back and her head fell onto his chest. That kiss of death stuff really did work.

Killian Jones carried her to the bed, fully prepared to face her wrath tomorrow, whether she had planned something or not. Either way, they both were not the person normal people wanted to cross. Good thing the pirate captain and the bounty hunter were normal people.

* * *

**Tears anyone? We have seen them as real caring people now they are going back to be being cruel and ruthless, Bernadette missed it deep down. How is Killian going to deal with being betrayed? **


	33. Dumb doesn't look good on you

**I do not own Once Upon a Time. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE FOLLOWERS AND LIKES! LOVE YOU ALL! So the pirate and the bounty hunter are truly back to their normal selves. **

* * *

Bernadette woke the next morning in an empty bed alone. The sun was shining bright into the room, making her blink a few times. Where was Killian? She bolted up in bed. It seemed very quiet up on the deck, where was everyone? The plan was to go dig up the supposed treasure today, wasn't it?

Then it hurt her when she noticed the odd taste in her mouth? Did he seriously drug her? So he did catch on to her plan. Not that would change anything. The treasure was well hidden; they were heading to a spot that had nothing. The crew was going to be solely disappointed.

Bernadette did it, she betrayed him, put her feelings aside and did exactly what she needed to do to get back to Derek. That's where she belonged, not on a pirate ship, with a pirate captain.

She quickly got dressed, putting all twelve daggers into her outfit and stepped out to the deck. She had to act betrayed and annoyed even though she wasn't. There was only one person on the ship, Mr. Smee. And that's who she unleashed her fury on.

"Where is everyone? Why was I left behind? Whose idea was this?" She yelled.

"The Captain said you looked so peaceful sleeping and didn't want to wake you. He took the crew to dig up the treasure and he should be back soon." He responded.

"How considerate of him." Though she doubted those were his exact wording. She began to pace the deck. All she could do was wait now.

It was hours before Bernadette saw a single rowboat coming towards the ship, it was Killian, along with one crew member. She knew he was empty handed and furious at her. When he reached the ship and stepped on to the deck, she did not let him get the first word.

"You left me here, you drugged me! I only joined this crew to be part of the treasure hunt!" She screamed.

"You looked so peaceful just sleeping, I didn't want to wake you. Now where is the treasure love?" He seemed prepared to deal with her.

Her eye brows rose in confusion. "How should I know? You're the one with the map." She had to act confused.

"And you are the one with mud on her boots." He calmly stated. "Do you really think I would have overlooked the trail of mud leading to my cabin, or the whatever drug you slipped into the rum?"

"What are you talking about?" She asked,

"I have some interesting new I want to share with you." He stepped close to her, she had unknowingly backed herself against the mast. His hook went to her wrist, pinning it over her head. "We were trying to follow the map but nothing was adding up, the landscapes, nothing. Then it dawned on us, the seal and who drew the map. Somehow it had escaped my notice that it was backwards. So we retraced our steps and do you know what we found at the spot where the treasure was supposed to be?"

"I haven't the faintest idea, Killian." She said, her voice had dropped.

"Drop the act, darling, dumb doesn't look good on you. And that's Captain to you lass." He almost growled at her.

"I only call you Captain when you're in trouble." She stated.

"This time, you're the one in trouble."

"Am I?" She let a cruel smile cross her face. "How long did it take you to figure out?"

"Longer than I care to admit. The treasure is gone. No one knew about the treasure besides the crew. And there are only a very small handful of people who would figure that out." He leaned in close to her and whispered in her ear. "And only one who would do anything to make sure she got the treasure."

There was silence, which said it all. "Was this your plan along, lass? Get the treasure all to yourself? I am not the man you want to double cross."

"I'm pretty sure I did." She threw back calmly and threw her fist, making fully contact with his jaw. Her wrist left his hook and she pulled his sword out of his belt and pointed it at his neck. "You're right, I am willingly to do anything. I may not play nice or fair, but I always get what I want. How did you word it, that a person willingly to fight for what they gets exactly what they deserve?"

"Really, you grab a sword, my sword, to defend yourself? We both know you deal better with smaller objects." His hook slid down the sword and twisted it out of her hand while his leg shot out and caught hers. Bernadette fell to the deck, hard on her back. And he was right there, on top.

"No, love, you can't get away that easily. I do like the position, it's a nice break." He held her still with his arms.

"Now there's the pirate I heard storied about, I thought he was gone." She commented.

"And here's bounty hunter who bit off more than she could chew. You're in over your head."

"Remind me who's empty handed now?" She threw back, not meaning it as a jab at his lack of a hand.

He laughed it off. "Funny how this going to end how it should have begun."

"You wouldn't have liked it if it had started like this." Bernadette loosed his grip slightly on her wrist.

"Why is that, lass?"

"Because you would be dead." She was able to flip him over her head. But he came back at her as soon as she got to her feet. Bernadette was pushed up against the mast again.

"Did you really think you could escape off this ship? How did you planning on getting off?" He asked in her ear.

"My plan involved tying you up in bed and rowing off into the sunset, if you must know."

"As much as I would enjoy the first part, it is not going to happen."

She stopped fighting him, knowing it was a losing battle. But she was going to attempt to have the last word. "What happened to being a gentleman?" She asked.

"You pushed me over the edge. You brought this on yourself." His fist came out of nowhere, making hard contact with her head. Bernadette fell to the deck.

* * *

When she came to, she was in the small row boat, some unnamed crew member was rowing, Killian sat facing her, a scowl on his face.

"What were you thinking?" He didn't yell but his voice was scary enough.

"I was thinking that I would get away with it and not have to explain myself." She looked down at her wrists, they were tied together. Honestly, she wouldn't expect anything less from him.

"You're not going to get out of those; it's a knot I didn't teach you." He said quietly before asking the question he really wanted the answer for. "Why?" She met his eyes for a brief moment before turning away. "Hey!" He moved closer to her and roughly turned her face back to his. "And there the walls go back up. You know you could have had everything…

"Stop talking, Killian." She swallowed hard and fought to keep her eyes dry.

"Captain, she looks guilty." The crew member randomly commented.

Killian turned away from her. "She doesn't know the meaning of the word."

"Next time a woman tells you something while she's drunk out of her mind, you might want to listen."

"I'll remember that for next time. Oh good, we're here." The boat ran into the shore He stood up and grabbed her arm to pull her up. They got out of the boat; he had a sack over his hook. Killian and Bernadette stood there for a good moment, just staring at each other, not really knowing what to say.

He made the first move, dropping the sack. "Three days rations, water, no rum because I'm not sure how you would act here alone with the stuff. I let you keep everything that actually belonged to you, because I am a gentleman like that." He cut the ropes binding her wrists. Killian half expected another punch to the face, but she just stood there, quiet. "I really hate to do this, lass, the last six months have been magical. But this is where our paths end. Any last words, like where the treasure is?"

"Neurotic, cold, heartless, distant angry, secretive, thickheaded." He looked at her confused. "Those are the words you forgot. And I only have a word of advice, Killian." Bernadette took a step closer. "Learn how to read a map."

"You and I will always be unfinished business, Bernadette." One last hard look from him and he set off back to the ship.

Bernadette waited for him to be far enough away before sitting down in the sand and resting her head in her hands. She was furious at herself. Maybe she hadn't given Killian enough credit. At least she was confident that he would not find the treasure, it was too well hidden. But, it occurred to her; neither would she see the treasure as she was stuck. How was anyone supposed to find her here?

* * *

Sadness and tears? What do you think? Were they perfect together or just another chapter in their life story? Reviews please!


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